Reply to He makes me forget my name when he looks at me

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[quote=Anonymous]I met a man a month ago who makes me forget my name when he looks at me. I broke up with him 5 days ago.  I felt like this only once before and broke up with him too because I was 19 and too young to realize how rare and special that was. That man passed away 20 years ago right after we broke up while on active duty and I never got to take it back.  I thought I would never find that again. Even got married (and divorced) to an awesome guy but that feeling was never there. Here I am now, 39 years old, its 20 years later and finally I meet someone that I may actually like even more than that soldier in heaven...and I again ruined it. I broke up with him over the phone on Friday and as soon as the words left my lips I felt regret and deep deep sadness. Like if someone had just died. I felt like an elephant stepped on my chest. I literally sat down on the floor and my body refused to move for about an hour. Never felt that before in my life, even when a relative died, this felt like my body and mind were not connected...was that my heart actually breaking? 
I keep replaying the conversation. It went something like this: Ring Ring...Him: Hello, Me: Hi..Him: I'm actually buying you a present right now.. Me: I can't see you anymore.  I have no idea why I did this, had only had 4 hours of sleep for a couple of nights and I let my fears get the best of me. I got scared away that he was too perfect and knew that if he ever left me I would fall apart. I mean if it hurts this much after only a month, I can't imagine what it would be like after 6 months, a year etc.
I called him to apologize...to tell him to forgive him. I don't do this often (never ever) I felt so vulnerable and weak. I am such an independable and strong woman that it made me sick.  He told me he could never be in a relationship with someone that could "toss him aside without any warning or discussion" and that he "would always worry that I could do that to him at any moment". Wow, what can you say to that? I actually agree with him. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that either.  I somehow was able to say that I would never do that to him again, which I meant because now I truly know how I feel. But my word means nothing to him at this point.  I know he feels something for me. I know he felt a connection and I am so dissapointed that my fears took over my actions and that now I can't seem to get what we had back. Aside from being able to reverse time, or acting more like a psycho, what can I do?  Should I just give up? (Honest feedback is appreciated, I will try to pay it forward when others need help)[/quote]

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