How do you handle it when you're in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

Backstory: I'm a really bad driver and parker. I've never gotten into a bad car accident but I have fender benders fairly frequently (at least once a year, sometimes more sometimes less). But over the years, it's added up obviously and DH remembers every single one.

Well today I accidentally hit a stop sign while parking the car and he's pissed at me again. He's not giving me the silent treatment but he's icy and distant.

I don't do it on purpose but I have a really bad sense of depth perception. I keep asking if we can trade my car in for something smaller (I drive a minivan and think it would be better if I had something smaller that's easier to park like a Civic) but he refuses to consider the idea because we "need" this big car for trips and things. I kind of feel like that is setting me up to fail again. But still I know it is my fault.

How do you handle it when your partner is justifiably angry at you because you keep making mistakes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Backstory: I'm a really bad driver and parker. I've never gotten into a bad car accident but I have fender benders fairly frequently (at least once a year, sometimes more sometimes less). But over the years, it's added up obviously and DH remembers every single one.

Well today I accidentally hit a stop sign while parking the car and he's pissed at me again. He's not giving me the silent treatment but he's icy and distant.

I don't do it on purpose but I have a really bad sense of depth perception. I keep asking if we can trade my car in for something smaller (I drive a minivan and think it would be better if I had something smaller that's easier to park like a Civic) but he refuses to consider the idea because we "need" this big car for trips and things. I kind of feel like that is setting me up to fail again. But still I know it is my fault.

How do you handle it when your partner is justifiably angry at you because you keep making mistakes?

Get a big car that parks itself, like the new Ford Expedition. Just test drove and it did the automatic parking thing. Pretty cool.

Otherwise, I think you and your husband have something else going on. There's a weird dynamic with him insisting you drive a care you're not comfortable with (why can't he drive the big car?) and for being icy and distant when you, presumably, apologized for denting/destroying your car. Are you a SAHM? Does he feel like you excessively spend "his" money? Do you often make excuses when you have done something that upsets him (but I didn't mean to!)? Just trying to figure out what else is going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Backstory: I'm a really bad driver and parker. I've never gotten into a bad car accident but I have fender benders fairly frequently (at least once a year, sometimes more sometimes less). But over the years, it's added up obviously and DH remembers every single one.

Well today I accidentally hit a stop sign while parking the car and he's pissed at me again. He's not giving me the silent treatment but he's icy and distant.

I don't do it on purpose but I have a really bad sense of depth perception. I keep asking if we can trade my car in for something smaller (I drive a minivan and think it would be better if I had something smaller that's easier to park like a Civic) but he refuses to consider the idea because we "need" this big car for trips and things. I kind of feel like that is setting me up to fail again. But still I know it is my fault.

How do you handle it when your partner is justifiably angry at you because you keep making mistakes?

Get a big car that parks itself, like the new Ford Expedition. Just test drove and it did the automatic parking thing. Pretty cool.

Otherwise, I think you and your husband have something else going on. There's a weird dynamic with him insisting you drive a care you're not comfortable with (why can't he drive the big car?) and for being icy and distant when you, presumably, apologized for denting/destroying your car. Are you a SAHM? Does he feel like you excessively spend "his" money? Do you often make excuses when you have done something that upsets him (but I didn't mean to!)? Just trying to figure out what else is going on here.

I think what's going on is that he's a perfectionist and gets *really* upset at himself when he makes mistakes like that so he very rarely does. I'm more laid back and I think it bugs him that I keep getting into fender benders. He sees it as sloppy and careless and I can't say I disagree. I mean, it is right? But obviously I don't do it on purpose. I just hate when I'm completely in the wrong and there's nothing I can say to even mitigate it. I did say sorry several times but obviously that doesn't change things.

I am a SAHM. I wanted the minivan when the kids were little (toddlers and babies). We've had it for 5 years now and our oldest is old enough to sit in the front seat now. We can put the two younger kids in the backseat with him in the front seat. Fine for driving around town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Backstory: I'm a really bad driver and parker. I've never gotten into a bad car accident but I have fender benders fairly frequently (at least once a year, sometimes more sometimes less). But over the years, it's added up obviously and DH remembers every single one.

Well today I accidentally hit a stop sign while parking the car and he's pissed at me again. He's not giving me the silent treatment but he's icy and distant.

I don't do it on purpose but I have a really bad sense of depth perception. I keep asking if we can trade my car in for something smaller (I drive a minivan and think it would be better if I had something smaller that's easier to park like a Civic) but he refuses to consider the idea because we "need" this big car for trips and things. I kind of feel like that is setting me up to fail again. But still I know it is my fault.

How do you handle it when your partner is justifiably angry at you because you keep making mistakes?

Get a big car that parks itself, like the new Ford Expedition. Just test drove and it did the automatic parking thing. Pretty cool.

Otherwise, I think you and your husband have something else going on. There's a weird dynamic with him insisting you drive a care you're not comfortable with (why can't he drive the big car?) and for being icy and distant when you, presumably, apologized for denting/destroying your car. Are you a SAHM? Does he feel like you excessively spend "his" money? Do you often make excuses when you have done something that upsets him (but I didn't mean to!)? Just trying to figure out what else is going on here.

I think what's going on is that he's a perfectionist and gets *really* upset at himself when he makes mistakes like that so he very rarely does. I'm more laid back and I think it bugs him that I keep getting into fender benders. He sees it as sloppy and careless and I can't say I disagree. I mean, it is right? But obviously I don't do it on purpose. I just hate when I'm completely in the wrong and there's nothing I can say to even mitigate it. I did say sorry several times but obviously that doesn't change things.

I am a SAHM. I wanted the minivan when the kids were little (toddlers and babies). We've had it for 5 years now and our oldest is old enough to sit in the front seat now. We can put the two younger kids in the backseat with him in the front seat. Fine for driving around town.

Interesting you noted the differences in your personalities. I'm definitely Type A and my husband is also, and we both have pretty high expectations of ourselves and of others. I'm trying to put myself in your husband's shoes since I'm more similar to him than to you. I think the problem might be that he just doesn't understand how this can continue to happen. My SIL is totally Type B and is always late for everything. It drives me insane because I can't figure out how anyone could be continuously late for stuff. But her brain just works differently than mine does. It doesn't make her a bad person, but it took me a while to understand that she wasn't doing that stuff on purpose (because it felt purposeful to me). I'm trying to figure out how you can get your husband to appreciate that you really aren't being careless on purpose, it's just part of your personality, which, presumably has been the case since you got together (I'm guessing at least a decade at this point)? I'm guessing he enjoys the fact that you are laid back, and there's something about your different personalities that obviously clicks. I'm not sure how you can make him see things from your perspective, but maybe try again to explain to him that you would really like to get another car that would be easier to park. Maybe get one that has the cameras all around and the sensors that will beep before you hit something?

[Anonymous]

I just apologize. Anyone who continues to hold it over your head has problems and needs counseling to work on themselves.

[Anonymous]

My DH is just like yours- perfectionist, rarely makes mistakes, expects everyone else to meet his standards. It’s so annoying. What I’ve found works is to handle it the same way I would at work. It’s not ideal for a relationship but it seems to work for me.

At work, I wouldn’t just say “hey boss, I need XYZ, give it to me”. Instead I do a ton of leg work- figure out what you can get for your van, research sedans you’d like, go test drive them, find the best deals, figure out how to budget it into your monthly finances, etc. Go to your DH with all the paperwork and ideally 4-6 cars you can go buy that day. Lay it all out, say you need a car, you found these ones that work and you can go get one this weekend. Show all the perks you can- maybe leave out fewer accidents, but show how much you’ll save on gas, monthly car payments, safety ratings, etc. Make it easy for him to say yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just apologize. Anyone who continues to hold it over your head has problems and needs counseling to work on themselves.

+1 But I should also note that if you're hitting stop signs, you're parking int he wrong place. You can't park within like 15 feet of a stop sign, so I can't even imagine how you would hit one of them while parking. I would definitely invest in a car with those warning beeps that warn you before you hit something, though.

Your husband sounds like an @sshole, by the way. That's a bigger problem than your lack of ability to park.

[Anonymous]

Get a small car for commuting and rent a big car for trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just apologize. Anyone who continues to hold it over your head has problems and needs counseling to work on themselves.

Yep, there are deeper things to worry about in life.

[Anonymous]

You need to be evaluated by a psychologist for that kind of learning disability and spatial awareness issues. My son had tests done that pinpointed where he struggled.

This is important because it will show that you have a disability and your husband should not imply that you are lazy or stupid, shouldn't give you the silent treatment, etc.

I don't know if that kind of disability would entitle you to special parking spaces, which you might not need anyway, but at least it gives you leverage to buy exactly the kind of car you want!

And if you have a joint account, please, you don't need his permission if he's going to be a jerk about it. I'm all for consulting one's spouse for large purchases, but if my husband dares to criticize me about a weakness I cannot help, I would just read him the riot act and buy exactly what I need.

[Anonymous]

I think it is weird you say he is justifiably angry at you. He is not justified at being angry at you or mean or shaming.

He is justified at being annoyed but not letting that feeling inside his body come out and attack you.

Are you not allowed to make mistakes without punishment?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

[Anonymous]

Look into taking some driving lessons to get better at driving. You really shouldn’t be on the road if you’re having as many accidents as you say you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look into taking some driving lessons to get better at driving. You really shouldn’t be on the road if you’re having as many accidents as you say you are.

Yes this. Driving is a basic life skill and you are struggling. If your depth perception is bad, you need to drive very slowly all the time and take extra amounts of time to make decisions. Most people who make this many mistakes are speeding and attempting to do things too quickly. Stop signs are on the curb at an intersection, where you are not allowed to park, so I have no idea how that happened....

Take some driving lessons or a driving course. Practice "low stakes" driving and parallel parking. Practice and PAY ATTENTION. People aren't just bad drivers by genetics, it's laziness or carelessness.

[Anonymous]

Re: driving lessons

It’s really parking that is my issue and pulling out if parking lots.

I hit curbs a lot too.

It’s a spatial awareness thing which is made worse by driving a mini van.

I feel I would be so much better in a small car like a civic or a Mini Cooper.