How do you handle it when you're in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is weird you say he is justifiably angry at you. He is not justified at being angry at you or mean or shaming.

He is justified at being annoyed but not letting that feeling inside his body come out and attack you.

Are you not allowed to make mistakes without punishment?

You think being rightfully angry at your spouse for continually making dumb, careless mistakes is shaming? She sounds like she needs to be shamed worse actually. She’s an idiot. Who hits stop signs?

[Anonymous]

You think being rightfully angry at your spouse for continually making dumb, careless mistakes is shaming? She sounds like she needs to be shamed worse actually. She’s an idiot. Who hits stop signs?

Not everyone has good spatial perception. And do tell me about a time when you deeply shamed someone and they greatly improved?

OP, my mom is like this--has been tested and has very very poor spatial skills. And, to a lesser extent, DH is like this. In his case, its probably a combo of ADHD and not great perceptual skills. He's done a lot of scrapes and stuff. So his car is the small prius and he drives it. I have the newer car. Of course, it is bigger, so when we travel we take that one--and on our most recent trip he scraped it, just after I had it repair (I had been hit). I get annoyed but it passes.

In your case, why doesn't your DH drive the mini van?

and yes, I would get a visual perception/spatial perception evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is weird you say he is justifiably angry at you. He is not justified at being angry at you or mean or shaming.

He is justified at being annoyed but not letting that feeling inside his body come out and attack you.

Are you not allowed to make mistakes without punishment?

You think being rightfully angry at your spouse for continually making dumb, careless mistakes is shaming? She sounds like she needs to be shamed worse actually. She’s an idiot. Who hits stop signs?

Yes. It is shaming. Sorry if you do the same. It's wrong, hurtful and abusive.

I know that most people don't learn to control their emotions and they think it is okay to "show somebody" when they think they are wrong. Like cutting people off in traffic. It's wrong, but you feel justified. It's moronic and unhealthy.

Healthy people don't act that way.

[Anonymous]

You need a car with automatic braking.

But otherwise, I think you need to do something about this bad driving. You have a really bad history of driving. If you caused a really bad wreck, I'd think they could sue you saying you were a known hazard on the roads due to your history. Do you need glasses?

I also think you've posted about this before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a small car for commuting and rent a big car for trips.

Though if you can't help but hit things, I'm not sure you want to be in a small vehicle. For your case, you probably should pick based on protecting yourself (and kids) and just fix the damage when it happens.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you install an aftermarket parking assist? It's cheaper than fixing the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Backstory: I'm a really bad driver and parker. I've never gotten into a bad car accident but I have fender benders fairly frequently (at least once a year, sometimes more sometimes less). But over the years, it's added up obviously and DH remembers every single one.

Well today I accidentally hit a stop sign while parking the car and he's pissed at me again. He's not giving me the silent treatment but he's icy and distant.

I don't do it on purpose but I have a really bad sense of depth perception. I keep asking if we can trade my car in for something smaller (I drive a minivan and think it would be better if I had something smaller that's easier to park like a Civic) but he refuses to consider the idea because we "need" this big car for trips and things. I kind of feel like that is setting me up to fail again. But still I know it is my fault.

How do you handle it when your partner is justifiably angry at you because you keep making mistakes?

Does he drive a car? He should drive the minivan you get a smaller car makes sense. Or if you are a 1-car family, get rid of the big car and rent a minivan on big trips.

The fact that he isn't willing to make a change to help you not have these fender benders IS setting you up for failure, and HE is in the wrong, not you. Or you could just stop driving. Take uber everywhere.

[Anonymous]

He might have been upset because he worries about your safety and particularly the safety of your children if you continue to be careless.

My DH is kind of like you. He has poor spatial awareness and has gotten into a number of minor bumps but I hate riding with him when he drives because he scares the shit out of me. He gets too close to cars in front, changes lanes without looking well, etc. It is terrifying and I do worry about my kids when they are with him driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need a car with automatic braking.

But otherwise, I think you need to do something about this bad driving. You have a really bad history of driving. If you caused a really bad wreck, I'd think they could sue you saying you were a known hazard on the roads due to your history. Do you need glasses?

I also think you've posted about this before.

I have. I can’t believe you remember.

In my defense, it has been a while. I think I went at least a year without getting into an accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He might have been upset because he worries about your safety and particularly the safety of your children if you continue to be careless.

My DH is kind of like you. He has poor spatial awareness and has gotten into a number of minor bumps but I hate riding with him when he drives because he scares the shit out of me. He gets too close to cars in front, changes lanes without looking well, etc. It is terrifying and I do worry about my kids when they are with him driving.

Forgot to mention -- he gets VERY huffy if anyone says he is a poor driver. at least you acknowledge it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a car with automatic braking.

But otherwise, I think you need to do something about this bad driving. You have a really bad history of driving. If you caused a really bad wreck, I'd think they could sue you saying you were a known hazard on the roads due to your history. Do you need glasses?

I also think you've posted about this before.

I have. I can’t believe you remember.

In my defense, it has been a while. I think I went at least a year without getting into an accident.

But what have you done since you posted last? Most people have 1 accident a decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

I try!

I have taken driving lessons before. I know what they entail and don’t see how they will help me.

Fwiw my van has cameras and sensors and although they help, I still have this issue. Part of the problem is, I’ll go a really long time without hitting anything then get careless like this morning when I was in a rush and distracted and hit a stop sign. Now all my good effort counts for nothing with him.

I feel like I have to just admit defeat and drive nothing but old beaters from now on.

My DH is crazy. He’s at work sending me links to expensive, albeit small new cars. He says his reason is that he wants to want to drive it too.

I need to call it a day, trade the van in, and buy a small used car for under 15-20k. Then he won’t care about dings or scratches.

[Anonymous]

You need to have your spatial awareness checked out. Honestly, this isn't normal at ALL. Glasses or something may help.

But otherwise you need to stay off the road entirely. The solution is not to just buy a smaller car. You should not be driving if a few times a year you are hitting things.

I think I've backed into something twice and maybe rolled over a curb 3 times in 22 years of driving. One accident, which was when the other driver crossed the yellow lines and hit me head on (slow speed, minor damage, everyone fine).

You are not a SAFE driver, which is why you are not allowed to drive. Learn to be a safe driver and then maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

I try!

I have taken driving lessons before. I know what they entail and don’t see how they will help me.

Fwiw my van has cameras and sensors and although they help, I still have this issue. Part of the problem is, I’ll go a really long time without hitting anything then get careless like this morning when I was in a rush and distracted and hit a stop sign. Now all my good effort counts for nothing with him.

I feel like I have to just admit defeat and drive nothing but old beaters from now on.

My DH is crazy. He’s at work sending me links to expensive, albeit small new cars. He says his reason is that he wants to want to drive it too.

I need to call it a day, trade the van in, and buy a small used car for under 15-20k. Then he won’t care about dings or scratches.

Or maybe you need to plan more time for things, so you're not in a rush and distracted. You are a danger to self and others. You honestly sound like you have ADHD Inattentive. As another PP, suggested, please get evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Your insurance should cover at least part of the evaluation. If you have ADHD, medication could help your attention and focus.