How do you handle it when you're in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a car with automatic braking.

But otherwise, I think you need to do something about this bad driving. You have a really bad history of driving. If you caused a really bad wreck, I'd think they could sue you saying you were a known hazard on the roads due to your history. Do you need glasses?

I also think you've posted about this before.

I have. I can’t believe you remember.

In my defense, it has been a while. I think I went at least a year without getting into an accident.

But what have you done since you posted last? Most people have 1 accident a decade.

NP. Irrelevant, not a reason for the husband to be pissy about it as it doesn't help at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

I try!

I have taken driving lessons before. I know what they entail and don’t see how they will help me.

Fwiw my van has cameras and sensors and although they help, I still have this issue. Part of the problem is, I’ll go a really long time without hitting anything then get careless like this morning when I was in a rush and distracted and hit a stop sign. Now all my good effort counts for nothing with him.

I feel like I have to just admit defeat and drive nothing but old beaters from now on.

My DH is crazy. He’s at work sending me links to expensive, albeit small new cars. He says his reason is that he wants to want to drive it too.

I need to call it a day, trade the van in, and buy a small used car for under 15-20k. Then he won’t care about dings or scratches.

That's not poor spatial awareness. That's inattentive ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

I try!

I have taken driving lessons before. I know what they entail and don’t see how they will help me.

Fwiw my van has cameras and sensors and although they help, I still have this issue. Part of the problem is, I’ll go a really long time without hitting anything then get careless like this morning when I was in a rush and distracted and hit a stop sign. Now all my good effort counts for nothing with him.

I feel like I have to just admit defeat and drive nothing but old beaters from now on.

My DH is crazy. He’s at work sending me links to expensive, albeit small new cars. He says his reason is that he wants to want to drive it too.

I need to call it a day, trade the van in, and buy a small used car for under 15-20k. Then he won’t care about dings or scratches.

That's not poor spatial awareness. That's inattentive ADHD.

Well I was pulling the car around in an circle to park and thought I had more room between myself and the sign. I didn't aim for the sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

I try!

I have taken driving lessons before. I know what they entail and don’t see how they will help me.

Fwiw my van has cameras and sensors and although they help, I still have this issue. Part of the problem is, I’ll go a really long time without hitting anything then get careless like this morning when I was in a rush and distracted and hit a stop sign. Now all my good effort counts for nothing with him.

I feel like I have to just admit defeat and drive nothing but old beaters from now on.

My DH is crazy. He’s at work sending me links to expensive, albeit small new cars. He says his reason is that he wants to want to drive it too.

I need to call it a day, trade the van in, and buy a small used car for under 15-20k. Then he won’t care about dings or scratches.

Or maybe you need to plan more time for things, so you're not in a rush and distracted. You are a danger to self and others. You honestly sound like you have ADHD Inattentive. As another PP, suggested, please get evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Your insurance should cover at least part of the evaluation. If you have ADHD, medication could help your attention and focus.

np. at first I thought your DH was being an a-hole, but your responses indicate your lack of responsibility for your health and actions. you need to take your health seriously, as you are putting others out there in danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a car with automatic braking.

But otherwise, I think you need to do something about this bad driving. You have a really bad history of driving. If you caused a really bad wreck, I'd think they could sue you saying you were a known hazard on the roads due to your history. Do you need glasses?

I also think you've posted about this before.

I have. I can’t believe you remember.

In my defense, it has been a while. I think I went at least a year without getting into an accident.

To give you perspective, I have been driving for 35 years and have had 3 accidents that I was responsible for (I have been hit 3 other times by other drivers).

First, you and your husband need to communicate better. The silent treatment and iciness is not a good response.
Second, you need to sign yourself up for driving classes. You're a SAHM with school age kids. You can find the time when they are in school to take driving classes.
Third, you and your husband need to agree on vehicles. If you have two vehicles and your family needs a large car, then your husband needs to drive it until you finish driving school. You can drive the smaller car. After you finish your Driver's Ed, the you can decide whether to switch back. If you have only one vehicle, then as another PP suggested, get an after market driving/parking assistance device to add to your car. Alternatively, you can also have after-market back up sensors installed that will give you audible beeps when you approach something in reverse and let you stop before you hit the object.

You need to be proactive in suggesting and signing yourself up for driver's ed lessons to learn to drive and park better. You can't just say sorry and do nothing to change the dynamic. That's something my kindergarten kids do and we're already teaching them that sometimes sorry just isn't enough. You, as an adult, need to do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

I try!

I have taken driving lessons before. I know what they entail and don’t see how they will help me.

Fwiw my van has cameras and sensors and although they help, I still have this issue. Part of the problem is, I’ll go a really long time without hitting anything then get careless like this morning when I was in a rush and distracted and hit a stop sign. Now all my good effort counts for nothing with him.

I feel like I have to just admit defeat and drive nothing but old beaters from now on.

My DH is crazy. He’s at work sending me links to expensive, albeit small new cars. He says his reason is that he wants to want to drive it too.

I need to call it a day, trade the van in, and buy a small used car for under 15-20k. Then he won’t care about dings or scratches.

Or maybe you need to plan more time for things, so you're not in a rush and distracted. You are a danger to self and others. You honestly sound like you have ADHD Inattentive. As another PP, suggested, please get evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Your insurance should cover at least part of the evaluation. If you have ADHD, medication could help your attention and focus.

np. at first I thought your DH was being an a-hole, but your responses indicate your lack of responsibility for your health and actions. you need to take your health seriously, as you are putting others out there in danger.

He doesn't care about my health, he cares about me wasting money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

I try!

I have taken driving lessons before. I know what they entail and don’t see how they will help me.

Fwiw my van has cameras and sensors and although they help, I still have this issue. Part of the problem is, I’ll go a really long time without hitting anything then get careless like this morning when I was in a rush and distracted and hit a stop sign. Now all my good effort counts for nothing with him.

I feel like I have to just admit defeat and drive nothing but old beaters from now on.

My DH is crazy. He’s at work sending me links to expensive, albeit small new cars. He says his reason is that he wants to want to drive it too.

I need to call it a day, trade the van in, and buy a small used car for under 15-20k. Then he won’t care about dings or scratches.

That's not poor spatial awareness. That's inattentive ADHD.

It's both. They go together. If you are medicated with stimulants for ADHD, and practice parking, you will improve beyond recognition! My son has severe inattentive ADHD and is very impaired spatially. We are extremely concerned about his future driving ability. I have mild inattentive ADHD and had 60 hours of driving lessons, because that's what it took. I don't want to kill myself, or kill somebody else.

But do talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist first about ADHD, just to make sure you have it. No one should prescribe you stimulants without a diagnosis, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

I try!

I have taken driving lessons before. I know what they entail and don’t see how they will help me.

Fwiw my van has cameras and sensors and although they help, I still have this issue. Part of the problem is, I’ll go a really long time without hitting anything then get careless like this morning when I was in a rush and distracted and hit a stop sign. Now all my good effort counts for nothing with him.

I feel like I have to just admit defeat and drive nothing but old beaters from now on.

My DH is crazy. He’s at work sending me links to expensive, albeit small new cars. He says his reason is that he wants to want to drive it too.

I need to call it a day, trade the van in, and buy a small used car for under 15-20k. Then he won’t care about dings or scratches.

Or maybe you need to plan more time for things, so you're not in a rush and distracted. You are a danger to self and others. You honestly sound like you have ADHD Inattentive. As another PP, suggested, please get evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Your insurance should cover at least part of the evaluation. If you have ADHD, medication could help your attention and focus.

np. at first I thought your DH was being an a-hole, but your responses indicate your lack of responsibility for your health and actions. you need to take your health seriously, as you are putting others out there in danger.

He doesn't care about my health, he cares about me wasting money.

I care that there's someone like you on the roads.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest taking a Driver's Improvement Class. Also, I turn everything around so that people apologize to me and think that they started? it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t want to pile on but it is very concerning that you would hit a stop sign. Many of us can’t picture how that even would happen. Please, for your sake and everyone else’s, address this with a professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is just like yours- perfectionist, rarely makes mistakes, expects everyone else to meet his standards. It’s so annoying. What I’ve found works is to handle it the same way I would at work. It’s not ideal for a relationship but it seems to work for me.

At work, I wouldn’t just say “hey boss, I need XYZ, give it to me”. Instead I do a ton of leg work- figure out what you can get for your van, research sedans you’d like, go test drive them, find the best deals, figure out how to budget it into your monthly finances, etc. Go to your DH with all the paperwork and ideally 4-6 cars you can go buy that day. Lay it all out, say you need a car, you found these ones that work and you can go get one this weekend. Show all the perks you can- maybe leave out fewer accidents, but show how much you’ll save on gas, monthly car payments, safety ratings, etc. Make it easy for him to say yes.

I seriously can't imagine how hard it must be to maintain a romantic relationship with someone like this. So much work! Just for something simple! Props to you for making your marriage work.

[Anonymous]

I normally have good spatial skills, but I have hit parking medians/poles a couple of times when I was very, very tired. (once not long after I had my daughter.) Luckily, I'm single so the only person getting pissed about that is me.

I sympathize, though - I can't imagine trying to drive a minivan at all, let alone every day. Those things are like boats. Tell him you want a smaller car - even a station wagon - and you can get an eggshell storage thingie for the roof when you travel. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is just like yours- perfectionist, rarely makes mistakes, expects everyone else to meet his standards. It’s so annoying. What I’ve found works is to handle it the same way I would at work. It’s not ideal for a relationship but it seems to work for me.

At work, I wouldn’t just say “hey boss, I need XYZ, give it to me”. Instead I do a ton of leg work- figure out what you can get for your van, research sedans you’d like, go test drive them, find the best deals, figure out how to budget it into your monthly finances, etc. Go to your DH with all the paperwork and ideally 4-6 cars you can go buy that day. Lay it all out, say you need a car, you found these ones that work and you can go get one this weekend. Show all the perks you can- maybe leave out fewer accidents, but show how much you’ll save on gas, monthly car payments, safety ratings, etc. Make it easy for him to say yes.

I seriously can't imagine how hard it must be to maintain a romantic relationship with someone like this. So much work! Just for something simple! Props to you for making your marriage work.

To her or her husband? I would say it's the husband who is doing all the work and sacrificing and being willing to overlook what a ditz she is...

[Anonymous]

I drive a minivan too and, although I have only had 2 accidents in the last 8 years, I also find it challenging when parking and in tight spaces. It is long, needs a wider turning circle and a big issue is the curved lines make it hard to judge the distance between it and other cars. My previous car was a small four-seater and was MUCH easier. If you are getting a smaller car make sure you test it well in parking situations since you find these the most challenging. I have driven a lot of cars and find those where I can see or easily judge the dimensions are much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I agree with your husband. Why on earth are you constantly getting into accidents? That’s really not normal at all. You should go be up your license and walk or take public transit before you seriously injure someone.

Agree. Grow up. Take driving lessons or something. You’re a danger, and your husband isn’t to blame for wanting nice things like cars to not look like crap and be dinged up. The answer here isn’t “he needs to accept me for who I am even though I’m a f*ckup”, it’s “I need to do better because how I am now isn’t acceptable.”

I try!

I have taken driving lessons before. I know what they entail and don’t see how they will help me.

Fwiw my van has cameras and sensors and although they help, I still have this issue. Part of the problem is, I’ll go a really long time without hitting anything then get careless like this morning when I was in a rush and distracted and hit a stop sign. Now all my good effort counts for nothing with him.

I feel like I have to just admit defeat and drive nothing but old beaters from now on.

My DH is crazy. He’s at work sending me links to expensive, albeit small new cars. He says his reason is that he wants to want to drive it too.

I need to call it a day, trade the van in, and buy a small used car for under 15-20k. Then he won’t care about dings or scratches.

I have poor spatial perception so I sympathize. We don’t have a mini-van for that reason. When the kids were younger we rented one on long trips (and DH drove) since that was the key time we needed one. I drive inexpensive small cars (think 25K) and did upgrade to nitrogen tires and was excited not to have to worry about losing hub caps. Before we went 3rd row of seats for DH’s car, I researched cars that could fit 3 kids in the back and would test drive to figure out which ones I would be comfortable driving. You do need to adjust/adapt to your reality. I don’t think it’s safe to drive a big car that you aren’t comfortable driving if additional driving lessons and sensors aren’t enough to compensate for your issues.