Is it okay that I don't have an ounce of empathy for the OW

[Anonymous]

5 years ago my ex left me for a woman he met at work. At the time I was devastated, but realize now it was a blessing in disguise for me ad our son.

Fast forward to now and history has been repeated and ex is leaving the woman he left me for another woman.

My friend basically scolded me for having a karma suck attitude. Saying she thought I'd be more empathetic because I can relate to the situation being cheated on with a young child etc. That I shouldn't be angry with her just my ex.

I told her our situations were nothing alike she took up with and had a child with someone who was willing to cheat and leave a family. I was also angry with my ex at the time, I've moved beyond him and frankly am not surprised because this is who he is.

This woman also did her best to "out mom" me when they got together bragging about all the things she did with my son during his visits with dad. Would make digs about being a super mama because she breastfed to 2, coslept and had her daughter trained by 2 years old where as I formula fed and my son was in diapers until 4. the list goes on and on about her trying to get under my skin.

I don't wish her ill and hope she eventually figures it out if for no other reason than she has a kid. But I don't feel sorry for her on any mom to mom woman to woman sympathy. Is that a bad thing?

[Anonymous]

Not bad at all, you don't owe her sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Some friend you have...

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. Karma got her, and it served her exactly right.

[Anonymous]

Also, though I'm usually steadfastly in the camp that says he mad at your husband not the OW, because this woman didn't have the decency to lay low and instead tried to take digs at you you extra don't have any reason to feel any sympathy towards her. And you're a better person than me, because I would also be sure to get in a dig or two at her given this news.

[Anonymous]

You don't owe her any sympathy. For the former OW in my life I feel like I need to be a decent human being-I don't trash her publicly, I don't try to hurt her in ways that would hurt my child (saying bad things about her to my kid, or making my kid feel bad for liking her, for example), but her crappy values and life choices are all hers and I don't feel sorry for her.

[Anonymous]

There is no need to have empathy but take the high road. It always works out better in the end.

[Anonymous]

OP, you didn't do anything wrong. I think people who tell you that you should "take the high road" or tell you to blame your ex-H and not the OW are less than sensitive. You can't change how you feel, and what she did was horrendous. She is not any less to blame than your ex-H.

[Anonymous]

OP here , Just want to say even though her digs hurt me I was grateful that she was kind to my son. I have never badmouthed her or my ex to my son and I won't start. He's free to form his own opinions as he grows. I thought I had been good with doing that. I just don't feel sorry for either of them, maybe that will come with time, but I'm just not that big of person yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here , Just want to say even though her digs hurt me I was grateful that she was kind to my son. I have never badmouthed her or my ex to my son and I won't start. He's free to form his own opinions as he grows. I thought I had been good with doing that. I just don't feel sorry for either of them, maybe that will come with time, but I'm just not that big of person yet.

Feeling sorry for her isn't an indication of being a bigger person, I wouldn't even tie those things together. You don't badmouth her to your son, that's all that's required! You're a plenty big enough person.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure this is worth any of your energy, much less empathy.

[Anonymous]

I know people often say you shouldn’t have ill feelings towards the OW because they weren’t your spouse and owed you nothing.

I think that also applies in reverse- the OW is not your spouse and you owe her nothing, including feelings of sympathy.

Your friend sucks. If you were my friend, we’d split a bottle of wine while laughing over what a train wreck exDH, OW, and new OW all are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know people often say you shouldn’t have ill feelings towards the OW because they weren’t your spouse and owed you nothing.

I think that also applies in reverse- the OW is not your spouse and you owe her nothing, including feelings of sympathy.

Your friend sucks. If you were my friend, we’d split a bottle of wine while laughing over what a train wreck exDH, OW, and new OW all are.

Agree wholeheartedly with all of this.

[Anonymous]

She hooked up with a married guy, she deserves no empathy from you. I’d laugh at it and ask “what did you expect?” if I ever saw her.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to be sorry for her, BUT you do be considerate and empathetic about her relationship with your son (or rather his relationship with her). You didn't say how old he is, but I'm sure it will be difficult for him that someone who clearly cared about him and he cares about is about to be removed from his life.