Weird phone call (with back story)

[Anonymous]

I have an ex, who I dated for exactly a year. We broke up two years ago. He was having an affair (not sure if the term affair is accurate since we weren’t married). Long story short he had an ex gf/ f*ck buddy and lied and cheated out entire relationship. I also found out about him having bipolar disorder, depression, a neurological condition, and a couple other things - found out at the very end of our relationship.
To add to this, I found out I was pregnant (birth control failed and I admit I/we should’ve been better about contraceptives) and I had an abortion. I had an abortion and one day later found all of this out.
He didn’t want the baby but I was 29/30 and wanted a baby. I decided on an abortion since I didn’t want to raise a child with someone that didn’t want it. He also told me he would contemplate suicide if I didn’t have one. ALL of this (lying, cheating, discovery of issues, pregnancy) was found out in the course of one week. It was an awful point in my life.

But, two years later and I’m fine - more than okay with the abortion, in a loving relationship etc etc. After I broke up with him, we remained in contact for about 6 months. Mostly him calling to apologize and explain, texting sweet things to try and win me back. He’d write me letters. Eventually I stopped entertaining this since it was unhealthy and frankly, stupid of me. He didn’t take this well and I had to block his cell and Home phones. He showed up in the middle of the night to my apartment and I told him I’d call the police if he did it again. Fast forward a year and a half and he called me from a random # a couple weeks ago. He was crying saying he’s not well, he has to have brain surgery, etc etc. my jaw dropped when I heard his voice and it was about a ten minute phone call (I didn’t have the heart to hang up on a crying man). The call ended with me insisting I had to hang up, I can’t be his ‘person’, it’s not healthy, no I can’t be his friend, etc etc.
He called the next day and I ignored it (same #, must’ve gotten a new cell). He emailed me (a new email address) and sent this long email begging for me to care about him and be his friend.

I ignored all of this. I got a voicemail on my birthday (about a week ago) again, from a random # (I now have three #’s and two email addresses blocked) saying happy birthday and merry Christmas and he hopes I’m well. Out of curiosity, I googled the phone number and it was to a psychiatrists office.


TL;DR —- how and why is my ex calling me from a psychiatrists/ therapists office???

[Anonymous]

Because he's mentally ill and still irrationally focused on you.

The good news is at leasr he's at the psychiatrist's office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because he's mentally ill and still irrationally focused on you.

The good news is at leasr he's at the psychiatrist's office.

OP here. I figured, but I’m moreso just wondering - did he ask to borrow her phone? To call me? I realize I’m over analyzing but my first instinct was to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why he's calling you from a psychiatrist's office but I would totally ignore his calls. Maybe block that number.

[Anonymous]

He may have spoofed the number to get around your phone block.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may have spoofed the number to get around your phone block.

OP here again. It was a psych office / dr in his area, specializing in BPD and other conditions, so it’s gotta be accurate (vs a spoof) I would think.

[Anonymous]

Be careful.

My sister dated a guy like that who also conceived a child with her (she broke up and gave it up for adoption)

He also had mental Illness.

He stalked her from high school until she was in her 40s.

Every so often he tries to do it again, I assume when he has another flare up of mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Do you realize that you're getting pulled back in? Block each phone number/email address. Don't google his phone numbers. He sounds like serious trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Do you realize that you're getting pulled back in? Block each phone number/email address. Don't google his phone numbers. He sounds like serious trouble.

OP here. I know, I realize that. I’ve blocked everything imaginable. Both back when we broke up, and again now.
The random phone # wasn’t blocked because it hadn’t happened yet. I just blocked it now after I wrote all this.
Yes, googling it was stupid, but I was curious (kind of ‘wtf number is this? Could he possibly have changed his # for a third time??).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because he's mentally ill and still irrationally focused on you.

The good news is at leasr he's at the psychiatrist's office.

OP here. I figured, but I’m moreso just wondering - did he ask to borrow her phone? To call me? I realize I’m over analyzing but my first instinct was to be concerned.

It's possible that he called from the psychiatrist's office, using her office phone, to wish you a happy birthday/Merry Christmas to demonstrate in therapy that he can be casually friendly with you. If he is fixated on you, that's probably coming up in therapy. It's likely that he's told his therapist a very different story about your relationship than you are telling. It sounds like he does not have boundaries or respect your boundaries, and given that, I'd be very surprised if the therapist is aware that you've asked him to stop contacting him and are ignoring him.

Do not respond. If he calls again, tell him firmly that you've asked him not to contact you, and then hang up. I don't care if he's crying or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may have spoofed the number to get around your phone block.

OP here again. It was a psych office / dr in his area, specializing in BPD and other conditions, so it’s gotta be accurate (vs a spoof) I would think.

Maybe you should contact the psychiatrist and let them know you don’t want contact and fill them in on the whole story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may have spoofed the number to get around your phone block.

OP here again. It was a psych office / dr in his area, specializing in BPD and other conditions, so it’s gotta be accurate (vs a spoof) I would think.

Maybe you should contact the psychiatrist and let them know you don’t want contact and fill them in on the whole story.

OP here. I thought about that, but wasn’t sure if that was going to open up a can of worms.

A PP suggested above that maybe his dr had him call as a sign that he could make such a call.... but even that sounds odd- wouldnt that be irresponsible for a dr to suggest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may have spoofed the number to get around your phone block.

OP here again. It was a psych office / dr in his area, specializing in BPD and other conditions, so it’s gotta be accurate (vs a spoof) I would think.

There are apps/services that you choose the number you want your call to appear to come from. He may have chosen that one specifically to make you think he's getting treatment.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 10:12 and also 10:20. I would assume he was calling from the psychiatrist's office as part of his therapy and has probably told the psychiatrist a largely fictional account of your relationship (i.e. you're still trying to work things out together but it's contingent on him getting treatment or whatever). Don't respond to him but I would be tempted, in your shoes, to call the office and let them know what's up and to not allow him to call you anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may have spoofed the number to get around your phone block.

OP here again. It was a psych office / dr in his area, specializing in BPD and other conditions, so it’s gotta be accurate (vs a spoof) I would think.

Maybe you should contact the psychiatrist and let them know you don’t want contact and fill them in on the whole story.

OP here. I thought about that, but wasn’t sure if that was going to open up a can of worms.

A PP suggested above that maybe his dr had him call as a sign that he could make such a call.... but even that sounds odd- wouldnt that be irresponsible for a dr to suggest?

I wouldn't call the doctor's office unless the calls continue. Is it possible that he works there (as staff)? He may have also just asked to borrow the phone while he was waiting for his appointment.

If he did call and leave you a message as part of his "therapy" any responsible mental health professional would be looking for cues from your response and helping him cope with those cues. Even if you and he had parted on good terms and maintained contact over the years you still have a right to not respond, and he still has a responsibility to deal with that. I think ignoring is still your best option regardless of what he has told anyone else abotu your past.