An honest answer from straight men, please.

[Anonymous]

Are you all fixated on the physicality of your partner or does personality, sass, and intelligence play into your attraction? What happens when your partner gets older? Do you still love her in the same way? People who hate older women are not allowed to answer.

[Anonymous]

What age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What age?

I am 44. I know I am still attractive but I feel sad that I will get older but my mind, sass, and humour will stay the same. Does that even matter?

[Anonymous]

It depends. If you marry a woman primarily for her physical traits (like she's hot but a bitch with a limited personality), then when she gets older, there's nothing left to love. This type of situation is common and the man will trade her in for a newer model.

If you married a woman for her personality (obviously some physical attraction), then age isn't really a factor.

Just look around, there are plenty of married couples where neither of them is attractive to anyone but each other. Those marriages usually last a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

If the emotional/intellectual chemistry is there, and you're making an honest effort to take care of yourself, that would be more than enough for me to love you forever.

Having sass and intelligence and a great personality is fine, but for me, if the chemistry and connection isn't there, a well preserved body probably wouldn't make up for it.

That being said, I think if you want to be *desired* you need to take care of yourself, whether you're a man or woman. That doesn't mean having a six pack, or running marathons. Just care for your body, and be confident about how you look. That's hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What age?

I am 44. I know I am still attractive but I feel sad that I will get older but my mind, sass, and humour will stay the same. Does that even matter?

Your mind and humor are very important.

So is the fact that you make an effort to be attractive and you make an effort in the bedroom.

All those things = A+

[Anonymous]

Straight man here. I think there's a basic level of physical attraction that's necessary for me to put forth the effort to get to experience your personality, which takes a long time (weeks, months, maybe even years) to get to know. I suppose different people have different standards for physical attraction, and those standards change over time as people evolve. It's your physical attraction that will make me want to start a relationship, but it's your personality that's going to make me want to stay in a long-term relationship with you. I've been in relationships with women I found physically attractive, but they ultimately ended when I reached the limit of personality attraction. I can think of a couple situations I've been in where I did not find a woman physically attractive, but got to find her personality attractive after getting to know her; but those never blossomed into romantic relationships because we'd become friends by that time and it's hard to get in sync to shift over from friendship to a romantic relationship.

So no, in my experience, men are not "fixated" on physical attractiveness at all. It's just an attractant, as the word suggests.

Do you really think most women are any different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Straight man here. I think there's a basic level of physical attraction that's necessary for me to put forth the effort to get to experience your personality, which takes a long time (weeks, months, maybe even years) to get to know. I suppose different people have different standards for physical attraction, and those standards change over time as people evolve. It's your physical attraction that will make me want to start a relationship, but it's your personality that's going to make me want to stay in a long-term relationship with you. I've been in relationships with women I found physically attractive, but they ultimately ended when I reached the limit of personality attraction. I can think of a couple situations I've been in where I did not find a woman physically attractive, but got to find her personality attractive after getting to know her; but those never blossomed into romantic relationships because we'd become friends by that time and it's hard to get in sync to shift over from friendship to a romantic relationship.

So no, in my experience, men are not "fixated" on physical attractiveness at all. It's just an attractant, as the word suggests.

Do you really think most women are any different?

+1 (50 year old straight married guy here)

[Anonymous]

I'm 60 and have always loved the mix so I'm not fixated on physicality. I love DW in the same way as she gets older. She's Asian and so ages physically better than the average woman -- that helps.

[Anonymous]

IMHO, my wife, or soon to be ex-wife unfortunately, has aged gracefully and is beautiful. She tends to her appearance. Even after a few kids, and stretch marks, and sagging skin, I look at her and am amazed at her beauty. She has a great mind, and is the mother to my children. I believe that is paramount to pretty much all physical traits. I'm attracted to her more the older we've become. Unfortunately, she doesn't realize this and is in what I think is a mid-life crisis which is tearing us apart.

But, I have to let her go. I don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMHO, my wife, or soon to be ex-wife unfortunately, has aged gracefully and is beautiful. She tends to her appearance. Even after a few kids, and stretch marks, and sagging skin, I look at her and am amazed at her beauty. She has a great mind, and is the mother to my children. I believe that is paramount to pretty much all physical traits. I'm attracted to her more the older we've become. Unfortunately, she doesn't realize this and is in what I think is a mid-life crisis which is tearing us apart.

But, I have to let her go. I don't want to.

. Counseling?

[Anonymous]

Two kinds of people: emotional and superficial. An emotional person embraces monogamy and mates for life. Looks aren't as important. Their spouse is their partner for life. Sex is a sacred bond that keeps them connected. These type of people are genuinely caring and compassionate; they're the type to go out of their way to help you (and others) and make you happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two kinds of people: emotional and superficial. An emotional person embraces monogamy and mates for life. Looks aren't as important. Their spouse is their partner for life. Sex is a sacred bond that keeps them connected. These type of people are genuinely caring and compassionate; they're the type to go out of their way to help you (and others) and make you happy.

+1

[Anonymous]

I have to say, I have always been drawn to the personality. Looks are nice, but they are transient. I want someone I can talk too. Laugh with. Ideally, my intellectual equal (superior is good, but very rare).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Straight man here. I think there's a basic level of physical attraction that's necessary for me to put forth the effort to get to experience your personality, which takes a long time (weeks, months, maybe even years) to get to know. I suppose different people have different standards for physical attraction, and those standards change over time as people evolve. It's your physical attraction that will make me want to start a relationship, but it's your personality that's going to make me want to stay in a long-term relationship with you. I've been in relationships with women I found physically attractive, but they ultimately ended when I reached the limit of personality attraction. I can think of a couple situations I've been in where I did not find a woman physically attractive, but got to find her personality attractive after getting to know her; but those never blossomed into romantic relationships because we'd become friends by that time and it's hard to get in sync to shift over from friendship to a romantic relationship.

So no, in my experience, men are not "fixated" on physical attractiveness at all. It's just an attractant, as the word suggests.

Do you really think most women are any different?

+1 Married over 35 years. I still find my wife physically attractive and I am happily married. My wife was much more attractive than me when we met (solid 9.5, me 7) but when I see her, I do not see the just the physical. We are a great team. We solve problems together and laugh and have fun. We have a history and she is still crazy about me, even though she really knows me . I am not attracted to 20 somethings, my daughter's age. (To me, Steven Tyler, Billy Joel with young women make them look like desperate, old fools.) And the older women with the duck lips and frozen faces-hell no.
My wife never smoked, doesn't drink and is healthy, but not particularly skinny or fit. But I see her eyes sparkle when she smiles and when she looks at me, and that is hot.