An honest answer from straight men, please.

[Anonymous]

You are asking 2 entirely different questions. But I think alot of men would agree with my answers.

Q1: how important are looks vs personality?
A1: like one PP said, I have a threshold of good looks that, below which, I'd never even consider a romantic relationship making personality irrelevant. But in absolute terms, my threshold for looks is not very high. I seriously think almost any woman on the planet could be "good enough looking" so long as she is physically fit and not overweight.

Q2: does age destroy looks?
A2: Definitely NOT !! All of the women that I have "crushes" on are about my age or even older. All of them are physically fit, so I find fit women attractive regardless of age. The problem is, for a lot of people "older" means gaining weight and I find this completely unattractive. Unfortunately, my wife is one of these people who has gained alot of weight. So now, despite her great personality, my wife has fallen below my threshold and I'm not at all attracted to her. It has nothing to do with age, if she lost the 40 pounds then I would again believe she is gorgeous, like the day we met.

[Anonymous]

Sure it matters. The initial attraction is a heavy lean on looks. However, as I have gotten to know women over time, some become more attractive because of their personality (I actually change my opinion about their looks) and others become less attractive for the same reason.

[Anonymous]

As others said, physical looks initially determine attraction. Once I find a woman attractive, then I speak with her, her attraction can either increase (she is smart, has a good personality) or it decreases (she sounds like an idiot, hence the term, dumb bunny). Now that being said, physical attractiveness is different for different men. I do not find Asian women attractive at all. I don't find women with big biceps attractive. I like big boobs. I would rather my wife be 20 lbs overweight than skinny.
As for the age question. If you have a true love, and emotional attachment, getting older is not as much of a big deal as you think it is. Hell, I'm older too

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your honest answers. I appreciate it <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Straight man here. I think there's a basic level of physical attraction that's necessary for me to put forth the effort to get to experience your personality, which takes a long time (weeks, months, maybe even years) to get to know. I suppose different people have different standards for physical attraction, and those standards change over time as people evolve. It's your physical attraction that will make me want to start a relationship, but it's your personality that's going to make me want to stay in a long-term relationship with you. I've been in relationships with women I found physically attractive, but they ultimately ended when I reached the limit of personality attraction. I can think of a couple situations I've been in where I did not find a woman physically attractive, but got to find her personality attractive after getting to know her; but those never blossomed into romantic relationships because we'd become friends by that time and it's hard to get in sync to shift over from friendship to a romantic relationship.

So no, in my experience, men are not "fixated" on physical attractiveness at all. It's just an attractant, as the word suggests.

Do you really think most women are any different?

NP here. I think it’s interesting you say you can’t make the shift from friend to lover. All my most serious relationships blossomed from friendship. The guys who just saw me and thought I was hot, those relationships never went anywhere. Ultimately physical attraction isn’t much of a hook to hang a relationship on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are asking 2 entirely different questions. But I think alot of men would agree with my answers.

Q1: how important are looks vs personality?
A1: like one PP said, I have a threshold of good looks that, below which, I'd never even consider a romantic relationship making personality irrelevant. But in absolute terms, my threshold for looks is not very high. I seriously think almost any woman on the planet could be "good enough looking" so long as she is physically fit and not overweight.

Q2: does age destroy looks?
A2: Definitely NOT !! All of the women that I have "crushes" on are about my age or even older. All of them are physically fit, so I find fit women attractive regardless of age. The problem is, for a lot of people "older" means gaining weight and I find this completely unattractive. Unfortunately, my wife is one of these people who has gained alot of weight. So now, despite her great personality, my wife has fallen below my threshold and I'm not at all attracted to her. It has nothing to do with age, if she lost the 40 pounds then I would again believe she is gorgeous, like the day we met.

Agree, older does not have to be a liability if you stay in reasonable shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are asking 2 entirely different questions. But I think alot of men would agree with my answers.

Q1: how important are looks vs personality?
A1: like one PP said, I have a threshold of good looks that, below which, I'd never even consider a romantic relationship making personality irrelevant. But in absolute terms, my threshold for looks is not very high. I seriously think almost any woman on the planet could be "good enough looking" so long as she is physically fit and not overweight.

Q2: does age destroy looks?
A2: Definitely NOT !! All of the women that I have "crushes" on are about my age or even older. All of them are physically fit, so I find fit women attractive regardless of age. The problem is, for a lot of people "older" means gaining weight and I find this completely unattractive. Unfortunately, my wife is one of these people who has gained alot of weight. So now, despite her great personality, my wife has fallen below my threshold and I'm not at all attracted to her. It has nothing to do with age, if she lost the 40 pounds then I would again believe she is gorgeous, like the day we met.

And cared about trying to look feminine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are asking 2 entirely different questions. But I think alot of men would agree with my answers.

Q1: how important are looks vs personality?
A1: like one PP said, I have a threshold of good looks that, below which, I'd never even consider a romantic relationship making personality irrelevant. But in absolute terms, my threshold for looks is not very high. I seriously think almost any woman on the planet could be "good enough looking" so long as she is physically fit and not overweight.

Q2: does age destroy looks?
A2: Definitely NOT !! All of the women that I have "crushes" on are about my age or even older. All of them are physically fit, so I find fit women attractive regardless of age. The problem is, for a lot of people "older" means gaining weight and I find this completely unattractive. Unfortunately, my wife is one of these people who has gained alot of weight. So now, despite her great personality, my wife has fallen below my threshold and I'm not at all attracted to her. It has nothing to do with age, if she lost the 40 pounds then I would again believe she is gorgeous, like the day we met.

And cared about trying to look feminine.

What does that mean? Painting your nails, wearing heels and a dress, and putting on makeup?

[Anonymous]

Looks are very important - "packaging" is very important, it's all part of the first impression. But then it quickly shifts to other things such as, for me, intelligence, sense of humor and basic niceness. I've been married 35 years and my DW has aged incredibly well in addition to being incredibly smart, fun and nice. She rarely has a down day. Last, and far from least, is that she still really enjoys sex and with the lights down low you'd never know that she is 65 as she can still really bring it on.

[Anonymous]

I need to be physically attracted to a woman. But personality is still huge. And i don't mean she has to be a great wit or be super sophisticated and worldly. Just being kind, decent and intelligent is fine.

I couldn't be with someone who was a 1/10 looks-wise, even if she had an awesome personality. But I'd take a 6/10 with a great personality over a 9/10 who with a bad attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are asking 2 entirely different questions. But I think alot of men would agree with my answers.

Q1: how important are looks vs personality?
A1: like one PP said, I have a threshold of good looks that, below which, I'd never even consider a romantic relationship making personality irrelevant. But in absolute terms, my threshold for looks is not very high. I seriously think almost any woman on the planet could be "good enough looking" so long as she is physically fit and not overweight.

Q2: does age destroy looks?
A2: Definitely NOT !! All of the women that I have "crushes" on are about my age or even older. All of them are physically fit, so I find fit women attractive regardless of age. The problem is, for a lot of people "older" means gaining weight and I find this completely unattractive. Unfortunately, my wife is one of these people who has gained alot of weight. So now, despite her great personality, my wife has fallen below my threshold and I'm not at all attracted to her. It has nothing to do with age, if she lost the 40 pounds then I would again believe she is gorgeous, like the day we met.

And cared about trying to look feminine.

What does that mean? Painting your nails, wearing heels and a dress, and putting on makeup?

Uh, guys don't look at your nails. Not trying to look like an old lady. Sundresses, maybe heels, no Judi Densch dyke hairdo. Mentally not trying to be an old lady too. Discussing retirement communities at age 55, ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are asking 2 entirely different questions. But I think alot of men would agree with my answers.

Q1: how important are looks vs personality?
A1: like one PP said, I have a threshold of good looks that, below which, I'd never even consider a romantic relationship making personality irrelevant. But in absolute terms, my threshold for looks is not very high. I seriously think almost any woman on the planet could be "good enough looking" so long as she is physically fit and not overweight.

Q2: does age destroy looks?
A2: Definitely NOT !! All of the women that I have "crushes" on are about my age or even older. All of them are physically fit, so I find fit women attractive regardless of age. The problem is, for a lot of people "older" means gaining weight and I find this completely unattractive. Unfortunately, my wife is one of these people who has gained alot of weight. So now, despite her great personality, my wife has fallen below my threshold and I'm not at all attracted to her. It has nothing to do with age, if she lost the 40 pounds then I would again believe she is gorgeous, like the day we met.

And cared about trying to look feminine.

What does that mean? Painting your nails, wearing heels and a dress, and putting on makeup?

Uh, guys don't look at your nails. Not trying to look like an old lady. Sundresses, maybe heels, no Judi Densch dyke hairdo. Mentally not trying to be an old lady too. Discussing retirement communities at age 55, ugh.

I wear flats and have short hair just to weed out the above types. I do think weight matters though, so I try to keep a reasonable diet (only one donut or muffin a day, LOL). I'm 39 but if there's a retirement community with good muffins, a lake, and nice bike trails, sign me up!!

[Anonymous]

Keep the looks reasonable and then the personality will carry the day. What I mean by keeping the looks reasonable, control the controllable. You don't have to knock yourself out with misery-inducing diets or an all-consuming workout regimen. But, avoid the mommy-bob haircuts and ill-fitting clothes. Show some cleavage and leg every once-in-awhile. Some sags, stretch marks, and wrinkles really don't matter that much.

As for personality, let that sass show up in your sexuality. If you do that, then the rest of your personality should have your guy deeply in love with you until you're both old and grey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMHO, my wife, or soon to be ex-wife unfortunately, has aged gracefully and is beautiful. She tends to her appearance. Even after a few kids, and stretch marks, and sagging skin, I look at her and am amazed at her beauty. She has a great mind, and is the mother to my children. I believe that is paramount to pretty much all physical traits. I'm attracted to her more the older we've become. Unfortunately, she doesn't realize this and is in what I think is a mid-life crisis which is tearing us apart.

But, I have to let her go. I don't want to.

Why do you have to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IMHO, my wife, or soon to be ex-wife unfortunately, has aged gracefully and is beautiful. She tends to her appearance. Even after a few kids, and stretch marks, and sagging skin, I look at her and am amazed at her beauty. She has a great mind, and is the mother to my children. I believe that is paramount to pretty much all physical traits. I'm attracted to her more the older we've become. Unfortunately, she doesn't realize this and is in what I think is a mid-life crisis which is tearing us apart.

But, I have to let her go. I don't want to.

Why do you have to?

Because she doesn't want to work it out. I have to be prepared for it to end. I made mistakes, she made mistakes, I want to work it out, but her heart is hardened to me now. It's killing me inside.