My teens are just fine. WDYT? Are they really behaving or are parents fooling themselves?

[Anonymous]

I am curious about this. Many pps here claim that their kids are responsible, do nothing wrong, know how to go out without getting in trouble. They let them do this and that...I have a DS who is one of these responsible kids, but he has Social Anxiety, my DD, also teen, while smart, can get into trouble because of lack of common sense and being carried away by trying to b cool to the other kids. It is like all her common sense disappears when among some friends. DS, even with social anxiety, also did a few things now in college, so I know my kids are nice and generally good kids, but not constant angels. Are there these teens that are really never do wrong, go out and behave perfectly, or are parents just blind to what is really going on? Or are there parents who think drinking, sex, pot, etc... are fine for their teens and not a big deal. I just wonder about this, I don't want to be a critical parent to my kids, but I know many parents who think their kids are perfect angels, yet I know they are not. So, when a pp here says, they trust their kids, what do you think is the reality? They have super well behaved teens, or they are turning the blind eye? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I finding most parents are sticking their heads in the sand. My daughter has been basically harassed by another girl in her grade. I sent the Mom screenshots of the behavior - she literally said “my kid is a nice girl who never had trouble with anyone”. Wouldn’t even acknowledge her kids behavior. It was unreal! Parents see/believe what they want to.

[Anonymous]

I dont know but I definitely think some are turning a blind eye.

A couple years ago i discovered my niece's Twitter. She was 15 at the time and she's a smart "good" kid, skipped a grade, very smart and strict but loving and involved parents, UMC in a west coast college town. On Twitter she was talking about getting drunk at school. From her Twitter I found her tumblr and she was reblogging sexy gifs (not gross graphic stuff but erotic and "aesthetic" as the kids say these days). I linked both to my brother because both were totally public and not anonymous which concerned me. From what he told me in the aftermath they had no idea.

[Anonymous]

Some kids geninely have no desire for any of tgat stuff. I don't know why that's so hard to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some kids geninely have no desire for any of tgat stuff. I don't know why that's so hard to understand.

+1. Just count your lucky stars and stop looking for problems that don't exist.

[Anonymous]

You have to be specially careful with the kids who "have no desire for any of that stuff". They are the ones likely to be carried away from lack of experience.

I have a kid like that, and I know no child is 100% reliable, just like no grown-up is 100 trustworthy.

[Anonymous]

Found out my kid had shoplifted in middle school. That was a shock. I guess I would assume they're doing more than they're telling you but I don't know that you can monitor their behavior any more than you already are doing. All I can say is that I'm so glad she's in her 20s now. Those were tough years.

[Anonymous]

When my daughter was 15 I thought she was doing great, seemed like it. Then a mom of one of her friends called and said she had read her kid's journal/diary and my daughter was mentioned in something her kid wrote about activities they had engaged in like drinking, sex, getting high, etc. She asked if I wanted to read it. I did.

Confronted my daughter, she admitted it and when I asked her why she had outright lied to me when I had asked her about such things (so we could have a "talk" about risky behaviors) she said she didn't want to disappoint me with the truth.

I grounded her for the entire year she was 15, which definitely helped. She wasn't allowed to sleep over or have sleepovers, she had to come straight home from school, she had to hang out with her family in the evenings and on the weekends. She did not like it. But....later she told me that was what saved her from MUCH worse behavior that year.

At 16 it's a lot harder to hold them down, and I cannot say I was able to totally reign her in at 16 and 17, until she graduated high school. But I think it went better than it would have had I not had my eyes opened the year she was 15.

She is now an adult and is doing fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my daughter was 15 I thought she was doing great, seemed like it. Then a mom of one of her friends called and said she had read her kid's journal/diary and my daughter was mentioned in something her kid wrote about activities they had engaged in like drinking, sex, getting high, etc. She asked if I wanted to read it. I did.

Confronted my daughter, she admitted it and when I asked her why she had outright lied to me when I had asked her about such things (so we could have a "talk" about risky behaviors) she said she didn't want to disappoint me with the truth.

I grounded her for the entire year she was 15, which definitely helped. She wasn't allowed to sleep over or have sleepovers, she had to come straight home from school, she had to hang out with her family in the evenings and on the weekends. She did not like it. But....later she told me that was what saved her from MUCH worse behavior that year.

At 16 it's a lot harder to hold them down, and I cannot say I was able to totally reign her in at 16 and 17, until she graduated high school. But I think it went better than it would have had I not had my eyes opened the year she was 15.

She is now an adult and is doing fine.

Wow, this is interesting to me. I would never have thought that such an extreme reaction would work. I would think it would backfire. But I'm glad it did!

[Anonymous]

I was a good kid. We're you?
It's not hard for me to believe others aren't doing the stuff I didn't do.
But all indications are that my DD, now in preschool, is going to be a a very different teen than I was!

[Anonymous]

I was one of those kids you never had to worry about - polite, smart, responsible, never drank until 21 (rarely do now), good grades, absolutely no drugs, no sneaking out, no lying to parents, no sex, no shoplifting, ect. Basically no drama. And people constantly told my parents that when I went to high school\college I would go totally crazy, especially since I went to a "party school" for college. Never went crazy. My dad often complained to me (in a joking way) since he had to deal with my younger sister doing normal teenage stuff and didn't have the experience from dealing with me.

I realize I'm pretty rare and that my kids will probably be insane.

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering what fabulous life experinces i missed out on or any teen who doesn't do this stuff is missing? Can't think of a single thing i missed.

[Anonymous]

I don't know too many people who claim their kids do nothing wrong. But, I do know many parents who have responsible kids and are aware that things might not be as they are seeing. But, until you have reason not to trust your child, then there is no reason not to be cautiously trusting and checking.

As to the PPs who mentioned harassing, that is one thing I will agree with you about. Most of the people I know would never admit that their kid participated in any sort of thing. Frankly, it just isn't worth even addressing with parents of kids who engage in this sort of behavior. But thing is, that's not like driving drunk, going to parties where drinking is happening, using drugs, etc. It's just not like the sort of behavior where you take the car keys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those kids you never had to worry about - polite, smart, responsible, never drank until 21 (rarely do now), good grades, absolutely no drugs, no sneaking out, no lying to parents, no sex, no shoplifting, ect. Basically no drama. And people constantly told my parents that when I went to high school\college I would go totally crazy, especially since I went to a "party school" for college. Never went crazy. My dad often complained to me (in a joking way) since he had to deal with my younger sister doing normal teenage stuff and didn't have the experience from dealing with me.

I realize I'm pretty rare and that my kids will probably be insane.

This was me. Levelheaded, responsible focused on my grades and getting into a good college, and with a great group of likeminded friends. So far, dd is the same at 16. My ds is more focused on social pursuits, so we'll see how that goes in a few years.

And yes, everyone assumes that I have my head in the sand. I don't. I'm aware, I check up on plans and texts and social media, I know her friends parents well...and she's honestly a solidly responsible kid.

Every kid is different. You can't assume that they all need the same level of direction and intervention, and most importantly, never assume that the second kid doesn't need more support because the first one didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those kids you never had to worry about - polite, smart, responsible, never drank until 21 (rarely do now), good grades, absolutely no drugs, no sneaking out, no lying to parents, no sex, no shoplifting, ect. Basically no drama. And people constantly told my parents that when I went to high school\college I would go totally crazy, especially since I went to a "party school" for college. Never went crazy. My dad often complained to me (in a joking way) since he had to deal with my younger sister doing normal teenage stuff and didn't have the experience from dealing with me.

I realize I'm pretty rare and that my kids will probably be insane.

This was me. Levelheaded, responsible focused on my grades and getting into a good college, and with a great group of likeminded friends. So far, dd is the same at 16. My ds is more focused on social pursuits, so we'll see how that goes in a few years.

And yes, everyone assumes that I have my head in the sand. I don't. I'm aware, I check up on plans and texts and social media, I know her friends parents well...and she's honestly a solidly responsible kid.

Every kid is different. You can't assume that they all need the same level of direction and intervention, and most importantly, never assume that the second kid doesn't need more support because the first one didn't.