MIL reneging on childcare promise

[Anonymous]

MIL stayed home with DC1 until DC turned 1, then DC went to daycare.
Then she held this over our heads for the next two-plus years to try to "convince" us to have another child -- "just do it! You won't have to pay for daycare for a year! I'll take care of DC2!" on the regular, until I exploded on her once (after many, many times politely asking her to drop it) and she finally shut up.
Now DC2 is coming very soon, and MIL has informed DH she is not going to stay home with DC2 after all. She is upset that we established some boundaries related to her behavior, mostly with DC1. She told DH she doesn't "understand boundaries" and therefore doesn't want to do it.
DH is livid. I'm partly relieved because it keeps our boundaries in place and doesn't give her the opportunity to drive me nuts crossing them, but I'm also really worried about putting my very young baby (8-12 weeks) in a daycare center. (To say nothing of the cost we didn't plan to incur for awhile, which is what DH is maddest about, but we shouldn't have had a baby if we couldn't afford it, ultimately.) I think when it comes time for daycare I will be very resentful toward her.
I am well aware she does not owe us to stay home with DC2, she has no obligation to do so. I just wish she hadn't said she would for so long then changed her mind. It's also hard to deal with DH being so worked up about it because it creates a lot of tension in the relationship with MIL, which of course is fraught enough as it is.
More a vent than anything, but any advice? Any way to run interference on something that's most likely going to get much worse when daycare time rolls around? I've posted here before about MIL and it was good to see the different points of view and consider different perspectives.

[Anonymous]

Accept it and move on. Be happy you’re not dependent on her.

[Anonymous]

DH reaction doesn't change anything. Sure, she shouldn't be this way. She is. This is a risk always when favors are accepted, and the arrangement is not professional. Best if you don't add to the drama in anyway.

[Anonymous]

Consider it a blessing in disguise. If she can't handle you putting up any boundaries with her, you know she isn't going to respect your parenting decisions so her not watching DC2 is a good thing.

I'm much more comfortable sending my DD to daycare than I am leaving her with either my mother or MIL for babysitting. Daycare is up to date on best practices and they don't mess around when it comes to safety. MIL and my mother blow off even the most basic safety stuff (outlet covers are apparently an invention of helicopter parents, dontchaknow) so I could never trust them with the baby for any substantial amount of time.

[Anonymous]

Accept it.
Save up money now, so you can take extra maternity leave and not have to put baby in daycare until at least 12-16 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Blessing in disguise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Accept it and move on. Be happy you’re not dependent on her.

+1 since we are only hearing your side, I can only say move on

[Anonymous]

Your husband is mad? He needs to grow up. Find dependable care. If grandma died tomorrow in a freak accident, would he be “mad”? Don’t have kids if you can’t afford to pay for the unexpected expenses that come up.

You gave grandma too much power and she abused it, then got mad when you didn’t give in to her pestering.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a good thing for you all. No one needs that kind of drama in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
More a vent than anything, but any advice? Any way to run interference on something that's most likely going to get much worse when daycare time rolls around? I've posted here before about MIL and it was good to see the different points of view and consider different perspectives.

I'm not quite sure what interference you need to run...she made her decision, now you find another provider, and as the above posters have said, it sounds like it's a blessing. Yes, finding another provider isn't a picnic, the money isn't fun to shell out, and daycare not taking sick kids can be rough. But so many of us survived it.

[Anonymous]

Good for MIL/grandma. Nobody wants to be treated like trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
More a vent than anything, but any advice? Any way to run interference on something that's most likely going to get much worse when daycare time rolls around? I've posted here before about MIL and it was good to see the different points of view and consider different perspectives.

I'm not quite sure what interference you need to run...she made her decision, now you find another provider, and as the above posters have said, it sounds like it's a blessing. Yes, finding another provider isn't a picnic, the money isn't fun to shell out, and daycare not taking sick kids can be rough. But so many of us survived it.

+1

For many of us, grandma-provided care isn't even an option. Start saving money now, and remind yourself that you don't actually want her caring for your infant, anyway, given your fraught relationship over how to care for your existing child.

[Anonymous]

Also, can your husband take paternity leave? Mine took a couple of months after I went back to work, which meant we didn't have to put the baby into daycare until six months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for MIL/grandma. Nobody wants to be treated like trash.

HOW exactly is Grandma being treated like trash?

[Anonymous]

Be glad, you will be i. The long run even though it’s a gut punch right now. Consider looking into a nanny or nanny share. Sometimes that’s a less expensive option Han two kids in daycare and definitely less hassle than getting two kids prepped and out the door every morning and evening. Plus they’ll do the kids laundry, dishes, prep bottles etc.