Men: does a woman playing hard to get really work?

[Anonymous]

I've never been a hardcore "Rules" follower but in general have let men pursue me. It feels more exciting that way and besides, I would have the uncertainty of whether he really liked me or was being just being polite.

Anyway, in my current relationship I kind of threw all of that out of the window and dove in head first - hot, heavy, and unsustainable. We spent most nights together, called/texted all the time, etc. Last week he spearheaded, but I agreed with, deciding to slow down. There wasn't an indication he was no longer interested, simply that he needs more time to himself. (As do I.)

I feel like I gave too much of myself too quickly. Is it too late to reset the dynamic? We have a great time, great sex, lots of fun and good conversation. We seem to be compatible. I'd like to have a stable relationship with this guy.

I'm thinking I should be more of a "Rules" girl with him. Never initiate communication, be slow to respond, make him plan dates in advance (instead of, see you after work).

Would love to hear men's perspectives here.

[Anonymous]

Man here

You sound insufferable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here

You sound insufferable

OH FFS.

So do you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here

You sound insufferable

Woman here

I agree, not least because this is at least your second thread on the topic. Get a friend and stop whining to DCUM that a boy broke up with you.

[Anonymous]

This thread sucks already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here

You sound insufferable

Woman here

I agree, not least because this is at least your second thread on the topic. Get a friend and stop whining to DCUM that a boy broke up with you.

WTH do I wade through the inane BS on DCUM if I can't sometimes have my turn? Huh??

[Anonymous]

Let them pursue you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never been a hardcore "Rules" follower but in general have let men pursue me. It feels more exciting that way and besides, I would have the uncertainty of whether he really liked me or was being just being polite.

Anyway, in my current relationship I kind of threw all of that out of the window and dove in head first - hot, heavy, and unsustainable. We spent most nights together, called/texted all the time, etc. Last week he spearheaded, but I agreed with, deciding to slow down. There wasn't an indication he was no longer interested, simply that he needs more time to himself. (As do I.)

I feel like I gave too much of myself too quickly. Is it too late to reset the dynamic? We have a great time, great sex, lots of fun and good conversation. We seem to be compatible. I'd like to have a stable relationship with this guy.

I'm thinking I should be more of a "Rules" girl with him. Never initiate communication, be slow to respond, make him plan dates in advance (instead of, see you after work).

Would love to hear men's perspectives here.

I read your other thread on this. All you can do is give it time. No matter how you approach the relationship, whatever is meant to be will be. Just do yourself and be confident.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a nutjob

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never initiate communication, be slow to respond, make him plan dates in advance (instead of, see you after work).

Would love to hear men's perspectives here.

Man here, do exactly this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never been a hardcore "Rules" follower but in general have let men pursue me. It feels more exciting that way and besides, I would have the uncertainty of whether he really liked me or was being just being polite.

Anyway, in my current relationship I kind of threw all of that out of the window and dove in head first - hot, heavy, and unsustainable. We spent most nights together, called/texted all the time, etc. Last week he spearheaded, but I agreed with, deciding to slow down. There wasn't an indication he was no longer interested, simply that he needs more time to himself. (As do I.)

I feel like I gave too much of myself too quickly. Is it too late to reset the dynamic? We have a great time, great sex, lots of fun and good conversation. We seem to be compatible. I'd like to have a stable relationship with this guy.

I'm thinking I should be more of a "Rules" girl with him. Never initiate communication, be slow to respond, make him plan dates in advance (instead of, see you after work).

Would love to hear men's perspectives here.

You messed up. Men often want to take things too fast and it's up to you to put on the brakes. Now you're overly invested in this and you barely know each other. Seriously slow down. Don't play hard to get, but instead GET A LIFE. If you're living a great life you're not going to be so quick to start sleeping at some dude's place every night and call/text all the time. It's not that men want someone to play hard to get but they want someone who has something goin in. You basically dropped your entire life for this guy.

[Anonymous]

My advice would be to calibrate based on the man. If some guy is really coming on strong, play it cool with him. If another guy is shy and cautious, then playing too hard to get might cause him to move on.

[Anonymous]

Dang you city folks are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let them pursue you.

Agreed but to me that is not the same thing as "playing hard to get." Playing hard to get might involve seeming uninterested on purpose. I think that's a big mistake and can backfire. In my experience the best strategy is to let the man initiate but be genuinely responsive when he does (but not overly eager). That worked for me; I married the man of my dreams

[Anonymous]

Guy here. For me, and if i were younger and if I just wanted to sleep with you (i.e., short term fling of sorts), then perhaps.

But I'm just too far removed from the post-college scene to be playing games. I'm a single dad, early 40s with a great high income career. I am only interested in women who want a serious relationship. This means a mature woman who knows what she wants and doesn't play childish games.