If you respect and admire your husband I envy you

[Anonymous]

My DH is a great guy but he’s kind of a lightweight. He has a funny job that people make fun of him for and he doesn’t really have any gravitas or status in our social circle.

I see friends who admire and respect their husbands and their opinions and I wish I had that. I feel that I can’t trust his judgement. He’s not serious enough.

[Anonymous]

I guess you should be questioNing your own judgement for picking him, right?

[Anonymous]

I sympathize. I am dying to know though, what is the job??

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. I respect and admire my husband very much. His ambition and intelligence were some of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. He built a billion dollar business from scratch. He had some help obviously but he did most of the work himself. Not many people can say that (including me) and I genuinely admire it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. I respect and admire my husband very much. His ambition and intelligence were some of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. He built a billion dollar business from scratch. He had some help obviously but he did most of the work himself. Not many people can say that (including me) and I genuinely admire it.

Even YOU can't say that? Wow.

But back to OP - OP, I admire and respect my husband very much some days/moments. Other times he does or says things and I'm like "really?"

One thing I have observed is that it's very easy for perception to shift based on context. I am sure your DH is good at something. Do you get to observe him in situations where he shines? You might not see him in those contexts often enough. As an example, my DH is a professor. I rarely see him giving seminars or teaching, but when I do it usually turns me on to be reminded of his strengths!

[Anonymous]

What is 'gravitas or status in a social circle?'

[Anonymous]

What's his job OP? Can you give us a general hint without outing him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's his job OP? Can you give us a general hint without outing him?

Is he a clown?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize. I am dying to know though, what is the job??

Private investigator.

Whenever we go to a dinner party he’s a hit. Everyone asks him questions but it’s not due to respect. It’s more of an amused incredulous fascination.

To be fair he is very very good at his job. When I attend his work events and see the respect and admiration his colleagues have for him, I definitely get turned on. But every one else thinks he is climbing trees and taking pictures of people having affairs.

[Anonymous]

Your desire for external validation is sad.

[Anonymous]

My husband has an MD/PhD, a stratospheric IQ, does scientific research...
and refuses to treat his severe ADHD, which makes him a lousy husband and father. I have lost so much respect for him, because he thinks only of himself and can't figure out how to care for anyone else, logistically or emotionally.

Would you rather have that, OP?

[Anonymous]

I respect and admire my partner because he works very hard, he is ethical, and treats other people with respect, therefore within his chosen profession he has a great reputation. His job isn’t one that carries great social status, a large salary, or any amount of fame. He’s a blue collar guy.

The problem here is not necessarily your husband’s job. The problem is you’re too wrapped up in his other people perceive you, him, and your “social status.” That really has nothing to do with whether he deserves respect, which should be based on his traits and work ethic.

[Anonymous]

F*ck your social circle. First of all, regardless of his job, if he's a good person, he deserves your respect. There are too many shitheels in the world for us to disrespect the people who manage to rise above the temptations of being a terrible person. Secondly, if he's good at his job -- even if it was scrubbing toilets -- that's not nothing.

Recalibrate your priorities, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. I respect and admire my husband very much. His ambition and intelligence were some of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. He built a billion dollar business from scratch. He had some help obviously but he did most of the work himself. Not many people can say that (including me) and I genuinely admire it.

Is he moral?

Money and ambition only?

[Anonymous]

I don't know... It sounds like you are the one with an issue, not your DH. At least he works. Do you work OP?