This Is Us final season

[Anonymous]

This episode really hit home for me. In the last 5 years or so, I’ve gone through a lot of self-work and I really like the person I’m becoming. But I get the feeling that sometimes my husband misses certain, probably more fun, aspects of the old me. So the whole Kate missing “Old Toby” even though actual Toby didn’t like that version of himself, struck a chord.

I like that this is a realistic portrayal of a failing marriage- neither side is evil, you can relate with both of them. I understand Toby’s happiness with his new SF life and wanting to bring his family along for the ride. But I also think Kate feels like she finally stumbled into a fulfilling job. She’s never had that. Like, didn’t she go right from waiting tables to working as Kevin’s assistant, or am I misremembering that was her job when the series started? And I don’t think she could just get a similar job in SF. It was a miracle she got the teaching job in LA- remember she was totally unqualified- and probably has serious doubts she could get the same thing in SF.

I also think that the pull of her family isn’t just codependency. It’s really, really nice to have close family around, that support network, when you have young kids, especially one with special needs. And her time with her mom is limited, after so many years of a fraught relationship.

But man! How much is Toby making to be able to buy that house on his salary alone?? That would be hard to turn your back on if you love the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This episode really hit home for me. In the last 5 years or so, I’ve gone through a lot of self-work and I really like the person I’m becoming. But I get the feeling that sometimes my husband misses certain, probably more fun, aspects of the old me. So the whole Kate missing “Old Toby” even though actual Toby didn’t like that version of himself, struck a chord.

I like that this is a realistic portrayal of a failing marriage- neither side is evil, you can relate with both of them. I understand Toby’s happiness with his new SF life and wanting to bring his family along for the ride. But I also think Kate feels like she finally stumbled into a fulfilling job. She’s never had that. Like, didn’t she go right from waiting tables to working as Kevin’s assistant, or am I misremembering that was her job when the series started? And I don’t think she could just get a similar job in SF. It was a miracle she got the teaching job in LA- remember she was totally unqualified- and probably has serious doubts she could get the same thing in SF.

I also think that the pull of her family isn’t just codependency. It’s really, really nice to have close family around, that support network, when you have young kids, especially one with special needs. And her time with her mom is limited, after so many years of a fraught relationship.

But man! How much is Toby making to be able to buy that house on his salary alone?? That would be hard to turn your back on if you love the job.

Except she does have qualifications now, thanks to her current teaching job. I think it is highly likely she could find something comparable in SF. Also, she's now on the brink of divorce and applying for a FT job with more responsibilities? With two babies, including one who needs a ton of special support. Not realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This episode really hit home for me. In the last 5 years or so, I’ve gone through a lot of self-work and I really like the person I’m becoming. But I get the feeling that sometimes my husband misses certain, probably more fun, aspects of the old me. So the whole Kate missing “Old Toby” even though actual Toby didn’t like that version of himself, struck a chord.

I like that this is a realistic portrayal of a failing marriage- neither side is evil, you can relate with both of them. I understand Toby’s happiness with his new SF life and wanting to bring his family along for the ride. But I also think Kate feels like she finally stumbled into a fulfilling job. She’s never had that. Like, didn’t she go right from waiting tables to working as Kevin’s assistant, or am I misremembering that was her job when the series started? And I don’t think she could just get a similar job in SF. It was a miracle she got the teaching job in LA- remember she was totally unqualified- and probably has serious doubts she could get the same thing in SF.

I also think that the pull of her family isn’t just codependency. It’s really, really nice to have close family around, that support network, when you have young kids, especially one with special needs. And her time with her mom is limited, after so many years of a fraught relationship.

But man! How much is Toby making to be able to buy that house on his salary alone?? That would be hard to turn your back on if you love the job.

Except she does have qualifications now, thanks to her current teaching job. I think it is highly likely she could find something comparable in SF. Also, she's now on the brink of divorce and applying for a FT job with more responsibilities? With two babies, including one who needs a ton of special support. Not realistic.

She’s not a teacher, no degree. Maybe teacher assistant? And needs a higher paying job since she knows in her heart she’s leaving Toby. I put the failure of the marriage on Kate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This episode really hit home for me. In the last 5 years or so, I’ve gone through a lot of self-work and I really like the person I’m becoming. But I get the feeling that sometimes my husband misses certain, probably more fun, aspects of the old me. So the whole Kate missing “Old Toby” even though actual Toby didn’t like that version of himself, struck a chord.

I like that this is a realistic portrayal of a failing marriage- neither side is evil, you can relate with both of them. I understand Toby’s happiness with his new SF life and wanting to bring his family along for the ride. But I also think Kate feels like she finally stumbled into a fulfilling job. She’s never had that. Like, didn’t she go right from waiting tables to working as Kevin’s assistant, or am I misremembering that was her job when the series started? And I don’t think she could just get a similar job in SF. It was a miracle she got the teaching job in LA- remember she was totally unqualified- and probably has serious doubts she could get the same thing in SF.

I also think that the pull of her family isn’t just codependency. It’s really, really nice to have close family around, that support network, when you have young kids, especially one with special needs. And her time with her mom is limited, after so many years of a fraught relationship.

But man! How much is Toby making to be able to buy that house on his salary alone?? That would be hard to turn your back on if you love the job.

Except she does have qualifications now, thanks to her current teaching job. I think it is highly likely she could find something comparable in SF. Also, she's now on the brink of divorce and applying for a FT job with more responsibilities? With two babies, including one who needs a ton of special support. Not realistic.

She’s not a teacher, no degree. Maybe teacher assistant? And needs a higher paying job since she knows in her heart she’s leaving Toby. I put the failure of the marriage on Kate.

That is a very realistic and compassionate view of divorce.

[Anonymous]

These two talked about crap I've never discussed in my marriage. They nitpick and see things that aren't even there. Do they know what the word compromise means?
Kate, if your husband walks you by an actual house in SF he's making a LOT of money. He's happy. You'll be fine. Just go.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to shift discussion to how annoying Jack and Rebecca are as parents. It's definitely mostly the writing, though the acting doesn't help. They are so overly expressive--SUCH GREAT PARENTS, we get it--nobody talks to their kids like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to shift discussion to how annoying Jack and Rebecca are as parents. It's definitely mostly the writing, though the acting doesn't help. They are so overly expressive--SUCH GREAT PARENTS, we get it--nobody talks to their kids like this.

Having a kid with anxiety that doesn't want to do things that you perceive as totally normal can really throw you for a loop. Maybe Jack and Rebecca are over the top, but the other part of it is trying (but sometimes failing) to not make your kid feel bad about the anxiety that they can't control. It's a very humbling experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Toby.

Toby got his act together and improved his life. Kate still hasn't gotten her act together and improved her life - and it doesn't seem she wants to. She also doesn't want Toby to improve and get ahead. She doesn't want him to succeed.

I agree! Kate is acting like a brat. Not surprising given her past behavior but she's not even trying to see Toby's side of this. Just stamping her feet and walking away because she's not getting her way.

I get the mom issue, and I feel for her there, but she should have at least considered what Toby was offering. He's making an effort to keep his family together and he's right--Kate is perfectly happy being financially supported by Toby and living with her brother for emotional support. It's so weird.

But if she's so in love with the old Toby and can't stand this together Toby, how does she fall in love with that jerk at the blind school?

Plus, as the other flashbacks showed - Kate always hated to take risks. She was content hanging onto her dad in the swimming pool instead of learning to swim. She didn't want to scale the fence in order to escape the pool. She complained about being stuck in Pittsburgh but she never did anything to better her situation like going to college.

But Rebecca just demanded they all be fearless and live!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If Kate had walked up the hill with Toby she would've been whining the whole way. How he doesn't see her, or accept her, or is forcing her to exercise or who knows what drivel. But by herself she'll do it...

She wants to be by herself so she can martyr her life away.

Good for her for doing it, but it was quite passive aggressive. He's been working hard on fitness and health for a couple of years and has been kind about not nagging her in any way about it (other than general concern about kids' healthy habits). So she's getting back at him by walking up the hill? I don't get it.

It wasn't about HIM. It was about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am finding Kate to be more and more unlikable with each episode. Toby could’ve handled things better, but she is painfully limited and narrow-thinking. She can’t picture the new future with Toby in SF just like she couldn’t picture her future at all when she was younger. And she’s so risk-adverse and co-dependent with her family that she’d rather end her marriage and find someone who better fits the careful, precise world she prefers to inhabit. It’s frustrating to watch.

+1

She wants to be married to Toby, but only on her own, very precise terms.

I'd say the same about him. In SF with this job or nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way someone that size could walk up that hill and then make that phone call. Not even sure they could make it. She is not just a heavy person, she is extremely overweight.

+1
I will just say what I've been thinking throughout: I was really hoping that part of Kate's story arc would be her having gastric bypass surgery and losing enough weight to be healthy. As you say, she's not just a heavy person. She is truly morbidly obese and a mother of two small children. It makes no sense that she wouldn't want to be in the best shape she possibly could - for their sake! Kevin would have happily paid for the procedure, if Kate and Toby weren't able to. It just makes.no.sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem was that Toby didn't consult Kate about anything. He didn't tell her he had been offered the job in LA before turning it down. When she finds out about it, he doesn't want to tell her what the salary was. Maybe it was for a lot less, but maybe it was for less, but not so much less than when you take cost of living in LA vs SF into account the choice was very clear cut.

He takes her to see a house and says she has to decide to buy it the day after tomorrow. It's the third time he's seen the house. He's already applied for a loan. He hasn't discussed any of this with her. Maybe Kate might want to check out other houses and neighborhoods to see what she likes. Has he figured out where the closest good school for the blind is, what transportation would be involved, good daycare and schools for Haley, parks and playgrounds, etc.? Even long distance, you'd think he'd at least he'd have discussed the possibility of moving to SF with Kate and she would have spent some time researching this sort of thing.

He calls a Lyft without asking Kate if she wants to walk.

He can't come meet her at the airport because he's on a call. He takes a call when they go for a walk. He has to take a call in the morning. But he gets mad at Kate for calling the kids when they go for a walk!

It's not just the healthy lifestyle--it's ditching Kate at the party to discuss a pick for a fantasy football team;telling her waht she should talk about with his co-workers at the cocktail party, making reservations at very pricey, trendy restaurants--again without consulting Kate; buying expensive champagne, etc.

Yes! All of this!

Toby is a walking red flag with his behavior. He has not put her first since he took this job. He couldn't even have a nice weekend with her - only wanted to do it on his terms. He also seems "manic" almost. Perhaps the green egg sends him in a spiral down. Ugh, will be tough to watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way someone that size could walk up that hill and then make that phone call. Not even sure they could make it. She is not just a heavy person, she is extremely overweight.

Wow, the fat hate is strong here, from this post to equating "having your life together" with losing weight

I do think they've grown apart, and I think the writers are doing a better job of showing a failed marriage with no bad guys than they did showing Kevin's personal growth via awkward monolog

DP. Stop with the ridiculous "fat hate." The weight Kate/Chrissy Metz is carrying is dangerous - she's a walking timebomb. It would have been a service if the writers had shown her losing weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd like to shift discussion to how annoying Jack and Rebecca are as parents. It's definitely mostly the writing, though the acting doesn't help. They are so overly expressive--SUCH GREAT PARENTS, we get it--nobody talks to their kids like this.

Where was Randall in all those pool scenes? Off reading a book or something? My mom radar was going off when I didn't see him with either parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Toby.

Toby got his act together and improved his life. Kate still hasn't gotten her act together and improved her life - and it doesn't seem she wants to. She also doesn't want Toby to improve and get ahead. She doesn't want him to succeed.

I agree! Kate is acting like a brat. Not surprising given her past behavior but she's not even trying to see Toby's side of this. Just stamping her feet and walking away because she's not getting her way.

I get the mom issue, and I feel for her there, but she should have at least considered what Toby was offering. He's making an effort to keep his family together and he's right--Kate is perfectly happy being financially supported by Toby and living with her brother for emotional support. It's so weird.

But if she's so in love with the old Toby and can't stand this together Toby, how does she fall in love with that jerk at the blind school?

Plus, as the other flashbacks showed - Kate always hated to take risks. She was content hanging onto her dad in the swimming pool instead of learning to swim. She didn't want to scale the fence in order to escape the pool. She complained about being stuck in Pittsburgh but she never did anything to better her situation like going to college.

Right, and that was all preceded by Rebecca's exhortation to her adult children to live boldly and take risks and not be held back by consideration of her illness. So is Show suggesting that living boldly is taking a bigger job at the blind school and divorcing Toby? Because it seems to me that moving to San Francisco would be the bigger challenge/risk. That's where she'd have to really reconstruct her whole life.

DP. Just wanted to take a moment to say what a brilliant actor Mandy Moore is, especially playing the older Rebecca. I truly hope she wins an Emmy for her perfomance.