I'm sorry your kid's in daycare...

[Anonymous]

New job, I'm meeting my new coworkers. One of them sees my daughter's photo on my desk and asks "where's your daughter while you're at work?" When I say daycare, coworker says "oh, that's too bad" and gives me this sad look. I didn't say anything, because I don't see any reason to defend the fact that my daughter goes to daycare. But what is up with a comment like that? The woman doesn't even know me.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry your new coworker is a moron. Hopefully your other colleagues are better.

[Anonymous]

Enh, just projecting her own preferences on you. When I meet stay-at-home moms, my mental reaction is "wow, I could never do that". Of course, I don't say it.

[Anonymous]

She probably has one in daycare too and can sympathize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably has one in daycare too and can sympathize.

agree, give her the benefit of the doubt, at least this first time.

[Anonymous]

How bizarre. Where did she think your daughter would be? Maybe she thinks being with grandma is nice and being in daycare is nasty? Maybe she assumes you are missing her like crazy all day long and thus thought she was being sympathetic? It's still a weird comment. I would have said something like (brightly), "Oh, she loves it there! And I love it here!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably has one in daycare too and can sympathize.

agree, give her the benefit of the doubt, at least this first time.

But why would she sympathize? We love our daycare and the caregivers who work there. I feel lucky every day that we have such an awesome center at work, that hopefully my child will stay at until she enters kindergarten. The ratio is fantastic, the center is gorgeous and new, and they have the most amazing summer activities - my toddler saw a lion cub at daycare the other day for goodness sake (the company has an Animal Ambassadors' program and they periodically bring different animals in).

I would not "sympathize" with another mom I met whose child is in daycare unless they first complained that it was a bad situation and were looking at other options. And if someone said that to me, I'm sure I would be speechless like OP but I hope I would be able to compose myself and say, "what an odd thing to say to someone! I can honestly say I have no response to that!" or something that is light yet giving them the message they crossed the line.

[Anonymous]

I have nieces and nephews who are cared for by Grandma / Grandpa and my observation is the daycare is a much better place.

My nieces/nephews are exposed to hours of TV. Things are done the way the grandparents parented 30+ years ago - my SILs have fights constantly over how they want their child cared for with their parents (or chose to turn a blind eye).

And at some level, the grandparents jsut do not have the energy.

Yes, they have special relationship with their grandchildren - but that can also be accomplished through other means.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yeah, I know I should give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was just being sympathetic, but if she were just thinking I miss my daughter then she could have said something like "I bet you miss her during the day." And not something that seems like a judgment. I know I've said stuff before without thinking that came out wrong, and maybe that's all this is. Nothing to get worked up over, I guess. I'll have to see if if comes up again. She was actually really friendly otherwise, so I don't want to create a situation where there isn't one. The other thing is, I may end up sharing an office space with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Enh, just projecting her own preferences on you. When I meet stay-at-home moms, my mental reaction is "wow, I could never do that". Of course, I don't say it.

Yet you just did. Why even go here? Isn't the point of the post to NOT care how you choose to do things? Why wouldn't your first thought be, "Glad you found something that works."

OP - That was a dumb thing for her to say. But since you really don't know her well, agreed, give her the benefit of the doubt and get to know her more. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enh, just projecting her own preferences on you. When I meet stay-at-home moms, my mental reaction is "wow, I could never do that". Of course, I don't say it.

Yet you just did. Why even go here? Isn't the point of the post to NOT care how you choose to do things? Why wouldn't your first thought be, "Glad you found something that works."

OP - That was a dumb thing for her to say. But since you really don't know her well, agreed, give her the benefit of the doubt and get to know her more. Good luck!

You don't get to police my thoughts. DCUM is obviously an etiquette-free zone (as you've proved by calling me out over my private reaction, which I am careful to keep private when interacting with people) which is why it is acceptable to offer up my comparison to the OP's situation.

[Anonymous]

Get over yourself. I'm not policing anything. I can certainly react though. And honesty, even saying it on a public, anonymous forum puts you no better than the person OP is talking about. But since you're here - I asked you a question - why can't your first thought be "Glad you found something that works for you??"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably has one in daycare too and can sympathize.

agree, give her the benefit of the doubt, at least this first time.

But why would she sympathize? We love our daycare and the caregivers who work there. I feel lucky every day that we have such an awesome center at work, that hopefully my child will stay at until she enters kindergarten. The ratio is fantastic, the center is gorgeous and new, and they have the most amazing summer activities - my toddler saw a lion cub at daycare the other day for goodness sake (the company has an Animal Ambassadors' program and they periodically bring different animals in).

I would not "sympathize" with another mom I met whose child is in daycare unless they first complained that it was a bad situation and were looking at other options. And if someone said that to me, I'm sure I would be speechless like OP but I hope I would be able to compose myself and say, "what an odd thing to say to someone! I can honestly say I have no response to that!" or something that is light yet giving them the message they crossed the line.

I hated having to leave my child to go to work, good daycare or no. It was very painful for me.

[Anonymous]

I've been back to work after maternity leave for close to a month now, and I've had a few coworkers make the "oh, I'm so sorry" comment about daycare. Not sure if this has been your experience, but I've noticed it comes almost exclusively from older women who follow the comment up with telling me how they were stay at home moms for years. It hurt my feelings at first, but I think it's their slightly awkward way of saying "wow, I can't imagine working and having a child, because that's not how I did it."

I love my baby, like my job, feel comfortable with our daycare situation, and know that having both my husband and I work full-time is the right decision for us - and in the end, that's what matters, not what someone I work with thinks.

[Anonymous]

However they mean it, I typically respond to "Oh, I'm so sorry," with a very breezy, "Don't be, [the baby's] having a blast with all her new friends! I couldn't be happier with her day care."