I'm sorry your kid's in daycare...

[Anonymous]

"Get over yourself. I'm not policing anything. I can certainly react though. And honesty, even saying it on a public, anonymous forum puts you no better than the person OP is talking about. But since you're here - I asked you a question - why can't your first thought be "Glad you found something that works for you??"

I'm not the poster but people think what they do and that is fine. What is important is that they do not share these thoughts with others when they interact and you should not care what they think.

I'm not naive enough to believe that some of the SAHMs I know are not thinking working is a bad thing. I'm sure they do but as long as they don't make any rude comments like "oh too bad your child can't be with you all day like mine is with me" nonsense they can think whatever they want.

[Anonymous]

OMG, someone I barely knew recently said something similar to me. I chalked it up to that person's complete lack of social skills and comprehension as to what is sociall acceptable to say. The way I saw it, if that person would say something as crazy and weird as that to me, when I barely knew him, surely he must say other similarly offensive things to other people. AND SURE ENOUGH, he does! He was a temporary employee (summer law clerk) and he had offended pretty much everyone by the end of the summer. So, I bet that this women has a reputation for saying inapprorpiate things or lacking tact. Would bet money on it.

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean.

I have had people say to me more than once when I mention in a work setting I have a small child say "well where is the baby/child while you are at work?" like I left him at home alone with a cheese stick and the remote while I went off to work.

It is odd at the time but it is also amusing in many ways.

[Anonymous]

Laughing at the mental image of the toddler with his cheese and TV remote!

Off topic, but you reminded me that almost every time I go out in the evening (after-work happy hour, for example) someone will say, "Who's keeping the baby?" As if it had slipped their mind that babies typically have more than one parent. It's strange, coming from people who know me well enough to know I have a baby.

[Anonymous]

Ha, totally with you on the "where is the baby?" comments. Um, am I the only human being capable of keeping the baby alive? Can I please leave the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably has one in daycare too and can sympathize.

agree, give her the benefit of the doubt, at least this first time.

But why would she sympathize? We love our daycare and the caregivers who work there. I feel lucky every day that we have such an awesome center at work, that hopefully my child will stay at until she enters kindergarten. The ratio is fantastic, the center is gorgeous and new, and they have the most amazing summer activities - my toddler saw a lion cub at daycare the other day for goodness sake (the company has an Animal Ambassadors' program and they periodically bring different animals in).

I would not "sympathize" with another mom I met whose child is in daycare unless they first complained that it was a bad situation and were looking at other options. And if someone said that to me, I'm sure I would be speechless like OP but I hope I would be able to compose myself and say, "what an odd thing to say to someone! I can honestly say I have no response to that!" or something that is light yet giving them the message they crossed the line.

I hated having to leave my child to go to work, good daycare or no. It was very painful for me.

I'm sorry - that must be hard, but surely you realize not everyone feels that way and everyone's situation is different? I work 30 hours a week and my husband is able to work odd hours, so our child is typically in daycare 3-3.5 days a weeks. It's been great for us. I have enjoyed keeping my job, we need the income I make anyway so isn't productive to feel guilty, and to be honest, I just don't.

I think we are in a great situation and it would piss me off to hear someone sympathize with me. Just as I'm sure if I said to a SAHM, "I'm sorry you had to leave your job!" they would likely be offended. It just assumes something that may not be true.

It's one thing to say you are sorry if someone has cancer, got into a car accident, etc. It's quite another to show sympathy when someone is not upset about the issue you are sympathizing with. I think it would irk most people.

Just some examples:

You live in X neighborhood? I'm so sorry!

Your child is going to X School? I'm so sorry!

You work in X field? I'm so sorry!!!

Yep, all the above would irk me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Laughing at the mental image of the toddler with his cheese and TV remote!

Off topic, but you reminded me that almost every time I go out in the evening (after-work happy hour, for example) someone will say, "Who's keeping the baby?" As if it had slipped their mind that babies typically have more than one parent. It's strange, coming from people who know me well enough to know I have a baby.

I'll bet these are the same people who call it "babysitting" when the kids are hanging out with daddy. That drives my husband insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Laughing at the mental image of the toddler with his cheese and TV remote!

Off topic, but you reminded me that almost every time I go out in the evening (after-work happy hour, for example) someone will say, "Who's keeping the baby?" As if it had slipped their mind that babies typically have more than one parent. It's strange, coming from people who know me well enough to know I have a baby.

I'll bet these are the same people who call it "babysitting" when the kids are hanging out with daddy. That drives my husband insane.

Funny - I work with men who call time with their kid "babysitting." Always cracks me up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Just some examples:

You live in X neighborhood? I'm so sorry!

Your child is going to X School? I'm so sorry!

You work in X field? I'm so sorry!!!

Yep, all the above would irk me.

This is totally offpoint, but reminds me of my mom when I used to get my haircut. Whenever I got my haircut when I was in HS, I wouldn't even say anything about not liking my hair (and I actually always did like the cut) but my mom would take one look and say "oh honey, it'll grow back, don't worry."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably has one in daycare too and can sympathize.

agree, give her the benefit of the doubt, at least this first time.

But why would she sympathize? We love our daycare and the caregivers who work there. I feel lucky every day that we have such an awesome center at work, that hopefully my child will stay at until she enters kindergarten. The ratio is fantastic, the center is gorgeous and new, and they have the most amazing summer activities - my toddler saw a lion cub at daycare the other day for goodness sake (the company has an Animal Ambassadors' program and they periodically bring different animals in).

I would not "sympathize" with another mom I met whose child is in daycare unless they first complained that it was a bad situation and were looking at other options. And if someone said that to me, I'm sure I would be speechless like OP but I hope I would be able to compose myself and say, "what an odd thing to say to someone! I can honestly say I have no response to that!" or something that is light yet giving them the message they crossed the line.

I hated having to leave my child to go to work, good daycare or no. It was very painful for me.

I'm sorry - that must be hard, but surely you realize not everyone feels that way and everyone's situation is different? I work 30 hours a week and my husband is able to work odd hours, so our child is typically in daycare 3-3.5 days a weeks. It's been great for us. I have enjoyed keeping my job, we need the income I make anyway so isn't productive to feel guilty, and to be honest, I just don't.

I think we are in a great situation and it would piss me off to hear someone sympathize with me. Just as I'm sure if I said to a SAHM, "I'm sorry you had to leave your job!" they would likely be offended. It just assumes something that may not be true.

It's one thing to say you are sorry if someone has cancer, got into a car accident, etc. It's quite another to show sympathy when someone is not upset about the issue you are sympathizing with. I think it would irk most people.

Just some examples:

You live in X neighborhood? I'm so sorry!

Your child is going to X School? I'm so sorry!

You work in X field? I'm so sorry!!!

Yep, all the above would irk me.

Your analogies are nonsensical.

If someone had said to me, "I'm sorry" when I told them my DC was with the babysitter, I would have given them a sad look and said thanks. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably has one in daycare too and can sympathize.

agree, give her the benefit of the doubt, at least this first time.

But why would she sympathize? We love our daycare and the caregivers who work there. I feel lucky every day that we have such an awesome center at work, that hopefully my child will stay at until she enters kindergarten. The ratio is fantastic, the center is gorgeous and new, and they have the most amazing summer activities - my toddler saw a lion cub at daycare the other day for goodness sake (the company has an Animal Ambassadors' program and they periodically bring different animals in).

I would not "sympathize" with another mom I met whose child is in daycare unless they first complained that it was a bad situation and were looking at other options. And if someone said that to me, I'm sure I would be speechless like OP but I hope I would be able to compose myself and say, "what an odd thing to say to someone! I can honestly say I have no response to that!" or something that is light yet giving them the message they crossed the line.

I hated having to leave my child to go to work, good daycare or no. It was very painful for me.

I'm sorry - that must be hard, but surely you realize not everyone feels that way and everyone's situation is different? I work 30 hours a week and my husband is able to work odd hours, so our child is typically in daycare 3-3.5 days a weeks. It's been great for us. I have enjoyed keeping my job, we need the income I make anyway so isn't productive to feel guilty, and to be honest, I just don't.

I think we are in a great situation and it would piss me off to hear someone sympathize with me. Just as I'm sure if I said to a SAHM, "I'm sorry you had to leave your job!" they would likely be offended. It just assumes something that may not be true.

It's one thing to say you are sorry if someone has cancer, got into a car accident, etc. It's quite another to show sympathy when someone is not upset about the issue you are sympathizing with. I think it would irk most people.

Just some examples:

You live in X neighborhood? I'm so sorry!

Your child is going to X School? I'm so sorry!

You work in X field? I'm so sorry!!!

Yep, all the above would irk me.

Your analogies are nonsensical.

If someone had said to me, "I'm sorry" when I told them my DC was with the babysitter, I would have given them a sad look and said thanks. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would.

Hey, are you the same idiot who keeps asking UVA grads to explain why they are obnoxious, and saying you are "just honestly curious" like your request should not be taken as an insult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably has one in daycare too and can sympathize.

agree, give her the benefit of the doubt, at least this first time.

But why would she sympathize? We love our daycare and the caregivers who work there. I feel lucky every day that we have such an awesome center at work, that hopefully my child will stay at until she enters kindergarten. The ratio is fantastic, the center is gorgeous and new, and they have the most amazing summer activities - my toddler saw a lion cub at daycare the other day for goodness sake (the company has an Animal Ambassadors' program and they periodically bring different animals in).

I would not "sympathize" with another mom I met whose child is in daycare unless they first complained that it was a bad situation and were looking at other options. And if someone said that to me, I'm sure I would be speechless like OP but I hope I would be able to compose myself and say, "what an odd thing to say to someone! I can honestly say I have no response to that!" or something that is light yet giving them the message they crossed the line.

I hated having to leave my child to go to work, good daycare or no. It was very painful for me.

I'm sorry - that must be hard, but surely you realize not everyone feels that way and everyone's situation is different? I work 30 hours a week and my husband is able to work odd hours, so our child is typically in daycare 3-3.5 days a weeks. It's been great for us. I have enjoyed keeping my job, we need the income I make anyway so isn't productive to feel guilty, and to be honest, I just don't.

I think we are in a great situation and it would piss me off to hear someone sympathize with me. Just as I'm sure if I said to a SAHM, "I'm sorry you had to leave your job!" they would likely be offended. It just assumes something that may not be true.

It's one thing to say you are sorry if someone has cancer, got into a car accident, etc. It's quite another to show sympathy when someone is not upset about the issue you are sympathizing with. I think it would irk most people.

Just some examples:

You live in X neighborhood? I'm so sorry!

Your child is going to X School? I'm so sorry!

You work in X field? I'm so sorry!!!

Yep, all the above would irk me.

Your analogies are nonsensical.

If someone had said to me, "I'm sorry" when I told them my DC was with the babysitter, I would have given them a sad look and said thanks. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would.

No, that's not me, but are you the same idiot who thinks calling people idiots proves your point?

[Anonymous]

"Your analogies are nonsensical.

If someone had said to me, "I'm sorry" when I told them my DC was with the babysitter, I would have given them a sad look and said thanks. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would."

I agree. There seems to be lot of suspicious, defensive parents on here. Not everyone out there is trying to tear you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Your analogies are nonsensical.

If someone had said to me, "I'm sorry" when I told them my DC was with the babysitter, I would have given them a sad look and said thanks. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would."

I agree. There seems to be lot of suspicious, defensive parents on here. Not everyone out there is trying to tear you down.

Yep, a little defensive. Not about my 30 hour work week, of which we depend on for mortgage and health insurance, but of people thinking it's okay to assume WMs are torn up inside over daycare or whatever. It is just tiring.

I get that the norm on DCUM is to call someone out by saying they are defensive, but honestly, if I told my SAHM neighbor I was so sorry she wasn't working, I can't imagine that wouldn't piss her off.

It's not "getting defensive" to simply post your point of view. It's just posting your point of view. I'm saying it would irk me and it would. It doesn't mean I need to rethink my life. It just doesn't.

[Anonymous]

"Your analogies are nonsensical.

If someone had said to me, "I'm sorry" when I told them my DC was with the babysitter, I would have given them a sad look and said thanks. I'm sure I'm not the only one who would."

Dinner out with DH must be a blast then.