Please tell me how to deal with creepy resurfaced acquaintance

[Anonymous]

Let's call her Jennifer. I knew Jennifer's family way back when we were elementary kids. I was friends with one of her sisters, but not her (slight age difference). Lost contact, she found me on Facebook about 10 years ago. Would respond to EVERYTHING I posted, and would constantly message me. Not the way your aunt responds to everything, but personally and way too much for someone I hadn't seen in nearly 20 years. I felt uncomfortable, unfriended, and blocked her.

A few months ago, I ran into her at a volunteering project. She looked at a list of 50 people, found my name on the list, and joined the group I was already in. Afterwards, we get to chatting in the usual "it's been so long! how's everyone!?" sort of way, and I stupidly gave her my number.

Now she keeps texting me, even though I'm not responding. Asking me "What's your Twitter? Are you in Instagram?" -- which to me is very strange to ask someone you don't know, and among the first things you ask. She keeps texting me. And after ignoring them, she clearly searched and found me on Instagram (I promptly blocked).

She clearly cannot take a hint, does not understand boundaries, and is weirding me out. How do you deal with people like this? We do not have a close social circle, but it's possible I may run into some extended circle people occasionally. Also I'm concerned she's going to start showing up to places I frequent.

[Anonymous]

Gray rock strategy. Make yourself as boring as possible. This might mean disengaging from social media for a while.

[Anonymous]

It's frustrating when others don't pick up on our cues. But your method of dealing with her; blocking, giving out your number and then regretting it later, suggest you have your own boundary work to do. It's uncomfortable to push back when you feel someone is in your space but this will happen your whole life. Learn to be polite but firm regarding your time, resources, whatever. "Nice to hear from you, Larla. I have lots going on right now and can't get together. Hope all is well!". Repeat as needed.

[Anonymous]

What is it about you that fascinates her so much? She must be angling for something. What does publicly "knowing" you get her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's call her Jennifer. I knew Jennifer's family way back when we were elementary kids. I was friends with one of her sisters, but not her (slight age difference). Lost contact, she found me on Facebook about 10 years ago. Would respond to EVERYTHING I posted, and would constantly message me. Not the way your aunt responds to everything, but personally and way too much for someone I hadn't seen in nearly 20 years. I felt uncomfortable, unfriended, and blocked her.

A few months ago, I ran into her at a volunteering project. She looked at a list of 50 people, found my name on the list, and joined the group I was already in. Afterwards, we get to chatting in the usual "it's been so long! how's everyone!?" sort of way, and I stupidly gave her my number.

Now she keeps texting me, even though I'm not responding. Asking me "What's your Twitter? Are you in Instagram?" -- which to me is very strange to ask someone you don't know, and among the first things you ask. She keeps texting me. And after ignoring them, she clearly searched and found me on Instagram (I promptly blocked).

She clearly cannot take a hint, does not understand boundaries, and is weirding me out. How do you deal with people like this? We do not have a close social circle, but it's possible I may run into some extended circle people occasionally. Also I'm concerned she's going to start showing up to places I frequent.

This would freak me out too. At some point if you block her on everything, this should wear her down. But if she starts showing up in person and hounding you, you might need to be more direct. Unfortunately when someone gets under my skin like this for long enough, by the time I let off steam, I can be pretty rude. But sometimes that is what it takes. "Look, I don't want to hurt your feelings but if I can be painfully honest: I just don't want to be friends. Please stop hounding me, it is really starting to freak me out." That should do it. Channel your inner bitch and let it rip if you have to.

[Anonymous]

Okay, you are not interested in being her friend, but objectively nothing she has done (befriending you) is wrong. Calm down. She's tickled to see you.

[Anonymous]

I get friend requests from people who don't add any value but like to be voyeurs. Dislike that kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's call her Jennifer. I knew Jennifer's family way back when we were elementary kids. I was friends with one of her sisters, but not her (slight age difference). Lost contact, she found me on Facebook about 10 years ago. Would respond to EVERYTHING I posted, and would constantly message me. Not the way your aunt responds to everything, but personally and way too much for someone I hadn't seen in nearly 20 years. I felt uncomfortable, unfriended, and blocked her.

A few months ago, I ran into her at a volunteering project. She looked at a list of 50 people, found my name on the list, and joined the group I was already in. Afterwards, we get to chatting in the usual "it's been so long! how's everyone!?" sort of way, and I stupidly gave her my number.

Now she keeps texting me, even though I'm not responding. Asking me "What's your Twitter? Are you in Instagram?" -- which to me is very strange to ask someone you don't know, and among the first things you ask. She keeps texting me. And after ignoring them, she clearly searched and found me on Instagram (I promptly blocked).

She clearly cannot take a hint, does not understand boundaries, and is weirding me out. How do you deal with people like this? We do not have a close social circle, but it's possible I may run into some extended circle people occasionally. Also I'm concerned she's going to start showing up to places I frequent.

It was a large group and she found a familiar face - not odd at all

You exchanged numbers - not odd at all

She asked to connect on social media - not odd at all

You being overwhelmed by such a basic social interaction - odd

[Anonymous]

What a humblebrag.

[Anonymous]

Is anyone who is interested in being someone's friend now considered a stalker?

[Anonymous]

Are you old? Hey off the internet and social media if you want to be private. Social media is too be social and provide a positive self advertising spin on how awesome your life is

[Anonymous]

I think you are kind of a jerk. You have social media and posted on it. She commented. She messaged you likely because she wanted to be your friend. She joined your volunteering group likely because she wanted to join up with someone she already knows. She is texting you because (a) you gave her your number hence invited such interactions, and (b) that's what you do when you have someone's number, you contact them! She may be socially awkward and not get social clues, but nothing she has done sounds creepy. She sounds like someone who wants friends, thought you might be one, and then, unfortunately for her, you turned out to be awful. Do her a favor and be more direct so that she can move on and you can go back to being a jerk!

[Anonymous]

"Hello Jane, I rarely use my phone to communicate other than for my work. It was nice bumping into you and I wish you all the best".

[Anonymous]

My guess is that you're really friendly in person. Or she is the type that talks a lot and doesn't notice others' disinterest. You're going to have to be much more distant if you run into her in person. Hi Jen, gotta go!

[Anonymous]

eh, it sounds like Op is giving this person mixed signals. You don't have a friendly chat with someone, give out your phone number and then wring your hands when they pursue further contact with you.

Why would you give out personal information to a "creepy" person? That simply makes no sense.