Please tell me how to deal with creepy resurfaced acquaintance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...and I stupidly gave her my number.

Bingo. So you flirted with her and wanted to sleep with her but now you realize she's psycho and would destroy your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about just being direct.

Send her a text and say "Hey NotJen, I realize you've been texting me, and wanting to join my instagram feed, etc... and I haven't responded. I really only use instagram (or whatever) for close friends and family so I keep the group down. In general I'm pretty maxed out in life these days so I just wanted to be upfront about that. New friendships just aren't in the cards for me but I didn't want to just ghost you. Take care and say hi to Jen for me sometime. All the best, SayanaraSue"

THen ignore the burst of responses and keep denying her access wherever you like. If necessary repeat in a month or so, more bluntly. "NotJen, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough but I keep my social media stuff pretty limited so I won't be adding you. And I'm just not able to build a friendship with you or respond to your texts. I hope you will respect that. Take care."

Then the third time "NotJen, I am finding your repeated communications concerning. Please stop contacting me."

Thank you! I may try this.

OP- I think you "triggered"something in her. There is a comfort in seeing old friends and aquaintances from our past especially our youth when we didn't really have a care in the world. This is a great response.

While yes, the OP can do this, it's still pretty freaking weird. Social media and instagram etc are not really meant to be "exclusive" -- like you only invite the most elite people to your party. I'm sorry, but the reply is totally snobby and bitchy sounding. The girl sounds totally harmless. She sounds desperate for a friend and while naive and a bit ignorant of boundaries, it's sad because she seems lonely. The OP and this other poster who suggested these replies sound like "Mean Girls." We live in such a cruel shitty world.

Yes they can be if you want them to be. There is nothing wrong with being direct. OP doesn't owe this person anything. They weren't even friends to begin with and she made a mistake with giving someone her number. She doesn't need to worry about this persons feelings when the person is obviously ignoring hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about just being direct.

Send her a text and say "Hey NotJen, I realize you've been texting me, and wanting to join my instagram feed, etc... and I haven't responded. I really only use instagram (or whatever) for close friends and family so I keep the group down. In general I'm pretty maxed out in life these days so I just wanted to be upfront about that. New friendships just aren't in the cards for me but I didn't want to just ghost you. Take care and say hi to Jen for me sometime. All the best, SayanaraSue"

THen ignore the burst of responses and keep denying her access wherever you like. If necessary repeat in a month or so, more bluntly. "NotJen, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough but I keep my social media stuff pretty limited so I won't be adding you. And I'm just not able to build a friendship with you or respond to your texts. I hope you will respect that. Take care."

Then the third time "NotJen, I am finding your repeated communications concerning. Please stop contacting me."

Thank you! I may try this.

OP- I think you "triggered"something in her. There is a comfort in seeing old friends and aquaintances from our past especially our youth when we didn't really have a care in the world. This is a great response.

While yes, the OP can do this, it's still pretty freaking weird. Social media and instagram etc are not really meant to be "exclusive" -- like you only invite the most elite people to your party. I'm sorry, but the reply is totally snobby and bitchy sounding. The girl sounds totally harmless. She sounds desperate for a friend and while naive and a bit ignorant of boundaries, it's sad because she seems lonely. The OP and this other poster who suggested these replies sound like "Mean Girls." We live in such a cruel shitty world.

Adults don't owe other adults friendship just because someone else is lonely. There's nothing "mean girls" about not wanting to be friends with anyone, and saying nothing mean about them, and doing nothing mean to them, or doing anything other than saying silent.

"desperate" people aren't the only ones with feelings. Forcing or insisting friendship on another person is completely disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel you. DH has a tennis buddy who's wife is lonely and wants to be my friend. I am not interested for several reasons. Yet the woman won't stop calling. I want to be polite, because DH likes his tennis dates. So far, I've been successful at blaming lack of time on kids' activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about just being direct.

Send her a text and say "Hey NotJen, I realize you've been texting me, and wanting to join my instagram feed, etc... and I haven't responded. I really only use instagram (or whatever) for close friends and family so I keep the group down. In general I'm pretty maxed out in life these days so I just wanted to be upfront about that. New friendships just aren't in the cards for me but I didn't want to just ghost you. Take care and say hi to Jen for me sometime. All the best, SayanaraSue"

THen ignore the burst of responses and keep denying her access wherever you like. If necessary repeat in a month or so, more bluntly. "NotJen, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough but I keep my social media stuff pretty limited so I won't be adding you. And I'm just not able to build a friendship with you or respond to your texts. I hope you will respect that. Take care."

Then the third time "NotJen, I am finding your repeated communications concerning. Please stop contacting me."

Thank you! I may try this.

OP- I think you "triggered"something in her. There is a comfort in seeing old friends and aquaintances from our past especially our youth when we didn't really have a care in the world. This is a great response.

While yes, the OP can do this, it's still pretty freaking weird. Social media and instagram etc are not really meant to be "exclusive" -- like you only invite the most elite people to your party. I'm sorry, but the reply is totally snobby and bitchy sounding. The girl sounds totally harmless. She sounds desperate for a friend and while naive and a bit ignorant of boundaries, it's sad because she seems lonely. The OP and this other poster who suggested these replies sound like "Mean Girls." We live in such a cruel shitty world.

Adults don't owe other adults friendship just because someone else is lonely. There's nothing "mean girls" about not wanting to be friends with anyone, and saying nothing mean about them, and doing nothing mean to them, or doing anything other than saying silent.

"desperate" people aren't the only ones with feelings. Forcing or insisting friendship on another person is completely disrespectful.

Forcing friendship? Give me a break. What a martyr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about just being direct.

Send her a text and say "Hey NotJen, I realize you've been texting me, and wanting to join my instagram feed, etc... and I haven't responded. I really only use instagram (or whatever) for close friends and family so I keep the group down. In general I'm pretty maxed out in life these days so I just wanted to be upfront about that. New friendships just aren't in the cards for me but I didn't want to just ghost you. Take care and say hi to Jen for me sometime. All the best, SayanaraSue"

THen ignore the burst of responses and keep denying her access wherever you like. If necessary repeat in a month or so, more bluntly. "NotJen, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough but I keep my social media stuff pretty limited so I won't be adding you. And I'm just not able to build a friendship with you or respond to your texts. I hope you will respect that. Take care."

Then the third time "NotJen, I am finding your repeated communications concerning. Please stop contacting me."

Thank you! I may try this.

OP- I think you "triggered"something in her. There is a comfort in seeing old friends and aquaintances from our past especially our youth when we didn't really have a care in the world. This is a great response.

While yes, the OP can do this, it's still pretty freaking weird. Social media and instagram etc are not really meant to be "exclusive" -- like you only invite the most elite people to your party. I'm sorry, but the reply is totally snobby and bitchy sounding. The girl sounds totally harmless. She sounds desperate for a friend and while naive and a bit ignorant of boundaries, it's sad because she seems lonely. The OP and this other poster who suggested these replies sound like "Mean Girls." We live in such a cruel shitty world.

Adults don't owe other adults friendship just because someone else is lonely. There's nothing "mean girls" about not wanting to be friends with anyone, and saying nothing mean about them, and doing nothing mean to them, or doing anything other than saying silent.

"desperate" people aren't the only ones with feelings. Forcing or insisting friendship on another person is completely disrespectful.

Forcing friendship? Give me a break. What a martyr.

DP. It can feel like martyrdom when you don't want to be a total dick to an obviously desperate person. Perhaps, it's something you just don't get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about just being direct.

Send her a text and say "Hey NotJen, I realize you've been texting me, and wanting to join my instagram feed, etc... and I haven't responded. I really only use instagram (or whatever) for close friends and family so I keep the group down. In general I'm pretty maxed out in life these days so I just wanted to be upfront about that. New friendships just aren't in the cards for me but I didn't want to just ghost you. Take care and say hi to Jen for me sometime. All the best, SayanaraSue"

THen ignore the burst of responses and keep denying her access wherever you like. If necessary repeat in a month or so, more bluntly. "NotJen, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough but I keep my social media stuff pretty limited so I won't be adding you. And I'm just not able to build a friendship with you or respond to your texts. I hope you will respect that. Take care."

Then the third time "NotJen, I am finding your repeated communications concerning. Please stop contacting me."

Thank you! I may try this.

OP- I think you "triggered"something in her. There is a comfort in seeing old friends and aquaintances from our past especially our youth when we didn't really have a care in the world. This is a great response.

While yes, the OP can do this, it's still pretty freaking weird. Social media and instagram etc are not really meant to be "exclusive" -- like you only invite the most elite people to your party. I'm sorry, but the reply is totally snobby and bitchy sounding. The girl sounds totally harmless. She sounds desperate for a friend and while naive and a bit ignorant of boundaries, it's sad because she seems lonely. The OP and this other poster who suggested these replies sound like "Mean Girls." We live in such a cruel shitty world.

Adults don't owe other adults friendship just because someone else is lonely. There's nothing "mean girls" about not wanting to be friends with anyone, and saying nothing mean about them, and doing nothing mean to them, or doing anything other than saying silent.

"desperate" people aren't the only ones with feelings. Forcing or insisting friendship on another person is completely disrespectful.

Forcing friendship? Give me a break. What a martyr.

When it's completely one-sided and persistent against a dead end, what else would you call it besides trying to repeatedly force a friendship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about just being direct.

Send her a text and say "Hey NotJen, I realize you've been texting me, and wanting to join my instagram feed, etc... and I haven't responded. I really only use instagram (or whatever) for close friends and family so I keep the group down. In general I'm pretty maxed out in life these days so I just wanted to be upfront about that. New friendships just aren't in the cards for me but I didn't want to just ghost you. Take care and say hi to Jen for me sometime. All the best, SayanaraSue"

THen ignore the burst of responses and keep denying her access wherever you like. If necessary repeat in a month or so, more bluntly. "NotJen, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough but I keep my social media stuff pretty limited so I won't be adding you. And I'm just not able to build a friendship with you or respond to your texts. I hope you will respect that. Take care."

Then the third time "NotJen, I am finding your repeated communications concerning. Please stop contacting me."

Thank you! I may try this.

OP- I think you "triggered"something in her. There is a comfort in seeing old friends and aquaintances from our past especially our youth when we didn't really have a care in the world. This is a great response.

While yes, the OP can do this, it's still pretty freaking weird. Social media and instagram etc are not really meant to be "exclusive" -- like you only invite the most elite people to your party. I'm sorry, but the reply is totally snobby and bitchy sounding. The girl sounds totally harmless. She sounds desperate for a friend and while naive and a bit ignorant of boundaries, it's sad because she seems lonely. The OP and this other poster who suggested these replies sound like "Mean Girls." We live in such a cruel shitty world.

I tend to agree mainly because Op acted really happy to see this woman thinking she was an old childhood friend. Op then proceeded to give this woman her phone number. Op went home and only then somehow realized that this woman was not her old friend but the sister of her old friend. Op instantly regretted being so friendly and giving out her phone number to this woman.

In the meantime, the woman in question only knew that she had ran into a person from her childhood who seemed equally happy to see her. In fact, the person even gave her their phone number. That seems like someone who is also interested in forming a friendship. This woman, of course, has no idea that Op mistook her for someone else. She has no clue that Op regrets being so friendly to her.....

Op, why not just fess up and tell her "I'm embarrassed to say this, but when I ran into you at volunteering the other week I thought that you were Jane. You two look so much alike I didn't realize who I had been talking to until after I got home that evening. Please give my regards to Jane when you see her next."