awful turn in brother's divorce
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Anonymous
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Brother getting divorced from wife of 10 years, she left him a year or so ago after they had a profoung disagreement over children. She moved back in with her parents in S. American. The back story is that she moved in with him a few years after college, and never worked during their entire marriage, despite her getting training in one field and then failing the exam and decided not to retake it, then a couple years of career counseling sessions, seeing a therapist, tutoring and finally getting her mba at a top school, which my brother partially financed (her parents paid half) and traveling monthly to see her (She got into a b school where they lived, but she insisted on one across the country). After graduation, she got one job offer in S. America, that was the only one my brother nixed because she had always said she wanted to stay in the US (he agreed to move anywhere in US or canada, but he was breadwinner and needed his job, he couldn't get one in s. america). ANd because she now had an MBA from a great school, they both figured she'd get other offers in the states. But despite endless interviews, t no other job offers materialized except one, finally, but after she went in for a shadow day, they cancelled the offer (she has a history of anxiety, depression, anorexia, bulimia and is a very poor communicator). Finally, she seemed to give up on getting a job and they decided to focus on starting a family. while my brother was increasingly unhappy. he never complained (as far as I know) and continually supported her in her efforts to get better/find herself/get a job and of course fully supported her, paid for exotic vacations a few times a year, etc.
he just got her lawyers papers--she is alleging that he was so "abusive" about jobs and specifically had prevented her from ever pursuing a career and she is now permanently emotionally disabled and is filing for LIFETIME medical and living expenses and emotional damages plus suing for the portion of B school that her parents funded. (She's 36, with an mba from wharton, he's a scientist making 150k a year). Its totally and completely nuts, and he is STUNNED. he thought she would be reasonable, they didn't ever really fight, she left him and basically has been out of contact. I guess his lawyer is responding, but I am just angry and really sad for him--he is panicking and mostly feels so incredibly betrayed. Even though they split up, he thought things were sad but amicable. Their last meeting they hugged each other, they both cried, etc. there certainly was no abuse on his part, though she quite often berated him. not even sure what I'm looking for her--I guess just to vent. But Im worried--what if the judge believes it? he will spend his entire life financially and emotionally beholden to this insane person? |
Anonymous
| Sorry you're brother is going through this, but you seem incredibly invested in brother's relationship. |
Anonymous
What a rude post. That is how most siblings operate. They love and care for one another and hurt when the others are hurting. Are you an only? |
Anonymous
Way to be a jerk. Bet your is close like this one is... |
Anonymous
No, I'm not. I have two siblings. But if SIL was this involved in my relationship with DH, that would definitely cause issues between us. |
Anonymous
| I think you're over invested in this. You weren't there, you love your brother, you don't know for sure. It's possible that she's crazy and making things up, it's possible your brother is abusive. |
Anonymous
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Does he have evidence that he was supportive? Emails? Cards? Anything?
My XH was an abusive jerk who hit me multiple times, yet when it came to divorce I wanted to do it seamlessly and with no drama. However, he had me served alleging I physically abused him. I had emails saved where he apologized for the stuff he did so he had no leg to stand on. I'm sorry your brother is going through this. It's awful. |
Anonymous
| Your brother chose... poorly. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like the lawyer is stirring things up. He should document her many job interviews and maybe get info on what happened with that one job she blew on the visiting day. It's all about documentation. |
Anonymous
. OP, heed this post. Your brother is probably too terrified and devastated right now to think about it but he truly needs to get any material he can to show his support for her "career" and he needs to get a tough, experienced lawyer who will fight this. I do not think you're too involved--others are being snarky and rude to say that. As his sister you may need to help him not panic and ensure his lawyer is tough and you might need to help him hunt down whatever materials his lawyer says he needs. His ex wants to crush him financially for the rest of his life; his attorney may need him to produce witnesses who will speak about how he supported her emotionally through her MBA, how she pushed to do the degree far from him, etc. What a horrible, greedy thing to do. I would wager that her parents back home are prompting her to do this too, so the benefit financially from her divorce or because they actually believe her sob story. |
Anonymous
How does a post like this help OP in ANY way? Crawl back under your Rock O' Judgment. |
Anonymous
| Doesn't she have to go on disability to prove that kind of inability to work? |
Anonymous
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Wow, so I take it no kids. That's good.
Her allegations seem so berserk I'm sure he is panicking but it's laughable as long as he has proof- cards, emails, video etc for documentation. Any judge will see him paying for HER mba as a reach, even if he WAS an abuser. At this point he needs to not meet with her without a third party. She will be trying to gather her own evidence I am sure. |
Anonymous
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A HUGE step back is necessary at this point, OP. The first relationship rule is to NOT increase the drama. Do not pile on with emotions and agonies and hand-wringing. It's not helping him or you. The second relationship rule is to be supportive by being the voice of reason. These two people are divorcing, due to this poor woman's mental disorder. Based on your description, she seems very unstable and it's a relief your brother can get out of this marriage. Regarding your question: It is EXTREMELY unlikely she will ever get the crazy things she is asking for. I wonder how her lawyer ever allowed this. So don't worry. Your brother must talk to his lawyer, and relax. There is no proof of emotional abuse, and all this woman is doing is sinking her credibility and hurting women everywhere who have been truly abused by their spouses. Thank goodness they never had children. Can you imagine the poor things with such a mother? So this is bad news, really. Let the woman show her true colors for everyone to see. |
Anonymous
| "NOT bad news", sorry. |