awful turn in brother's divorce

[Anonymous]

Nobody knows what happens in a marriage apart from two people in it. While it seems that you love your brother, your point of view is one sided and she is the devil and he is the saint, yet that is to be expected from you as you are his sister. Stay out of it, and let your brother and his lawyer handle the divorce.

[Anonymous]

He could very well be abusive. You don't know him in the confines of an intimate sexual relationship. She might have texts or journal entries that she showed the lawyer.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to guess that she's very beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He could very well be abusive. You don't know him in the confines of an intimate sexual relationship. She might have texts or journal entries that she showed the lawyer.

If he were truly abusive, the wife very likely would seek to cut ties as much as possible. Requesting lifetime support from a marriage with no children seems like the opposite move, where she seems to want to ensure continuing engagement. That's the mark of an abuser, not abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He could very well be abusive. You don't know him in the confines of an intimate sexual relationship. She might have texts or journal entries that she showed the lawyer.

If he were truly abusive, the wife very likely would seek to cut ties as much as possible. Requesting lifetime support from a marriage with no children seems like the opposite move, where she seems to want to ensure continuing engagement. That's the mark of an abuser, not abused.

That is possible. I am divorcing an abuser and my lawyer says 3-4 years of alimony is likely. One year for abuse recovery and 2-3 to finish my education. However even she says the sooner I'm self sufficient the better, because getting his money and being dependent comes at an emotional cost to me. Yet all the therapy and issues I have make picking up a good full time job instantly hard.

Also to OP, the initial claims to divorce are often extremes and since it will most likely not go to court anyway, the statements don't mean a lot. Asking for the extremes is common according to my lawyer and not something to overly stress about. For example, my ex is laying groundwork to sue me for costs. I asked for full custody even though it's unlikely I'll get it. Also remember the lawyers don't know their clients or the situation very well at this point.

Either way if this was actually your divorce you have your own lawyer who would be telling you not to be overly stressed about her initial claims.

[Anonymous]

OP here. lawyer said her claims are unlikely to make any difference, but the claim that sticks is that she is claiming she is medically unable to hold down a job, and her lack of ability to get a job after b school is somehow proof of that, along with her past hospitalizations for anorexia and her current 'hormonal' imbalances (also a result, likely of anorexia and bulimia).

unfortunately, they are divorcing in California and because its an lifetime alimony state after 10 years of marriage (she left 1 month after the 10 year mark, he found notes that she was planning on leaving but someone counseled her to stay to 10 years). he may in fact be responsible for lifetime support. Right now. he is paying her 4800.month in support. which is 50% of his income--I find that astounding, as there are no children involved. 4800/month, his lawyer said, could go higher depending on her medical needs.

I know women raising kids who get less than half that for child support from men making much more (bro makes 165k).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He could very well be abusive. You don't know him in the confines of an intimate sexual relationship. She might have texts or journal entries that she showed the lawyer.

If he were truly abusive, the wife very likely would seek to cut ties as much as possible. Requesting lifetime support from a marriage with no children seems like the opposite move, where she seems to want to ensure continuing engagement. That's the mark of an abuser, not abused.

Please. An abused woman has just as (if not more) right to demand support from an ex. You sound insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. lawyer said her claims are unlikely to make any difference, but the claim that sticks is that she is claiming she is medically unable to hold down a job, and her lack of ability to get a job after b school is somehow proof of that, along with her past hospitalizations for anorexia and her current 'hormonal' imbalances (also a result, likely of anorexia and bulimia).

unfortunately, they are divorcing in California and because its an lifetime alimony state after 10 years of marriage (she left 1 month after the 10 year mark, he found notes that she was planning on leaving but someone counseled her to stay to 10 years). he may in fact be responsible for lifetime support. Right now. he is paying her 4800.month in support. which is 50% of his income--I find that astounding, as there are no children involved. 4800/month, his lawyer said, could go higher depending on her medical needs.

I know women raising kids who get less than half that for child support from men making much more (bro makes 165k).

He will need to martial his resources, too. Every email or letter he can find, a clear, complete narrative of the moves, school, job search, any illnesses, etc.. California does not guarantee lifetime alimony. The burden is on him, however, to prove that she can become self-sufficient at some point in the future.

He should also make sure his lawyer presses the point that she chose more education and separation when she (apparently) believed she couldn't work. Perhaps she needs to repay that money.