How to get DH to stop overcommitting/doing too much for friends - vacation with friends with kids
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
We're childfree and on short beach vaca with friends with kids. Not a shared house, just staying at same hotel.
First day at beach, DH and I set up our tent, chairs, took snacks for all, etc. Another couple with baby set up their smaller tent, chairs, and brought a cooler with drinks for all. Second couple with 4 yr. old and 1.5 yr. old, plus au pair, set up their tent and two chairs. During the day, mostly people hung out under our tent because it seems to provide more shade and breeze compared to the other two tent styles out there - so much so that I wasn't able to stretch my legs out and eventually a friend started using our chair because it was a better (lower to the ground) beach chair compared to the stadium style chair they brought. For the last day, we only have half day on the beach as we're checking out of hotel. So couple with au pair and two kids say they can't go out to eat b'fast and do the beach as they don't think it will be enough time. The wife in that couple says she would be fine feeding her children McDonald's. DH offers to set up our tent for them (that wife said our tent was better and we all should just use ours only), then go get everyone McDonald's and bring to the beach. I'm against this plan, as carrying and returning all beach gear will be on DH and myself, while I wasn't even able to enjoy the space. They should be able to manage setting up their own beach space and feeding their children, correct? How do I handle this? Just let my DH do it? Step in and tell him not to? Just say I don't plan to eat mcdonald's (which I don't) and will go out to beach and let them figure it out? |
Anonymous
| Skip any future trips with them, because group travel clearly isn't your thing. |
Anonymous
|
Use your words.
"Bob, can you help my H carry the McDonald's?" "Susie, can you help carry the shelter? It's heavy." "The last shelter was crowded, how about we bring a second one for gear?" "Mary, you're in my chair. Thanks for moving." "I'm going to skip McDonald's and head to the beach early!" It sounds like everyone else is having fun. If you don't use your words no one has a clue that you're upset. |
Anonymous
|
1. People who bring tents to the beach are odd. You should use a proper beach umbrella like a normal person.
2. People who boss their spouses around have issues. You aren't the boss of your husband and you have no right telling him he can't be helpful to his/your friends. 3. People who aren't equipped to chill out and go with the flow should never vacation with others. You clearly aren't equipped to travel with people, op. 4. People who have a knee jerk reaction against McDonald's and judge others for eating fast food are never fun...and thus, you should avoid spending time with them (and certainly should never vacation with them). 5. People who are so uptight and must be in control shouldn't have a baby. Think really hard before you make that leap. |
Anonymous
Oh, I'm 1000% on board with this for this particular group. Btw, I travelled to the beach with my 70 yo parents and other family members and they did an amazing job setting up their tents and contributing to the group, so it's not all group trips that are out. I just want to be responsible for taking care of adults and their children on my vacation. |
Anonymous
*don't want to be responsible |
Anonymous
Huh? I don't want to have a baby and certainly don't want to help take care of others'. That's the point here. |
Anonymous
| ^^and true about the beach umbrella. In that case, yeah, I wouldn't have to worry about people hogging up my shade, unlike with my tent! |
Anonymous
| You and hubby need to travel alone from now on. |
Anonymous
|
This doesn't really seem to be overcommitting. I thought your DH would be doing way more from the tone of your post.
It sounds like you married a nice guy. You don't seem that nice. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
He's too nice, so yes, i have to play the bad guy once in a while so we're not constantly being taken advantage of. |
Anonymous
Well, it's a slippery slope and we've been there with other people, so I'm wondering if I should step in here. I think I'll just let him do whatever, but not go with his plan to pick up food for everyone. They have legs, plus an au pair. |
Anonymous
| Why on earth DD you agree to travel with a group? I agree with PPs- you shouldn't do this in the future. |
Anonymous
| Just go with the flow. Regarding that last day, it's too late, you'll look bad if you change the plans for breakfast and beach. Then in the future, don't go on group vacations by Politely declining. |