Would you stay at home with small children, or wait for more work flexibility for kids when older?

[Anonymous]

If you could only pick one, would you:
- stay at home with your children when they are little and figure out bigger financial things (purchasing a bigger house, paying down debt etc) later
- gain financial security when your children are younger and have more flexibility with work when they are older (say, teenage years)

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to be totally financially secure before having kids like a lot of parents on here. Our children are 2 and 4 and I hate leaving them in day care. If I don't work, we'd have little flexibility as a one income family in this area. Thus far, I've maintained my job to pay down massive student loans and to try to get ahead on 401k contributions which I was behind on from a series of low paying jobs, internships, and unemployment during the downturn almost a decade ago. We're super financially responsible- its just that the money was much less before...we've been on a great path financially for the last 5 years, but a huge chunk of our earnings goes to (modest) housing and day care. When talking to another mom who is about 10 years older than me, she said she feels bad to have missed the time with her children when they were babies, but it was important financially for her to work, and now that they are older (teens), she has somewhat more flexibility with her work schedule and she can be available for them now. That has always stuck with me as a reason to keep working now but its also tough for me to miss so much of their younger years.

I hate that for us, it feels like an either-or scenario, but I'm hoping that parents of older children can lend some perspective on your own experiences. (Moving out of the area isn't an immediate option for us, but may be in a few years).

[Anonymous]

We did the first option. I think it was the right decision.

[Anonymous]

Option 2! I've worked fulltime through my children being in daycare and I hope to decrease my work hours to be available for driving kids to afterschool activities and volunteering as my kids get older.

[Anonymous]

Option 2. I have mommy tracked with greater flexibility in the past 6 months due to crazy schedules, kids' needs etc.I have a teen and tween. It seemed so, so hard schedule wise when they were little, but in reality, they needed to be in 1-2 places MAX. Now...totally different story and the emotional needs are greater as well.

[Anonymous]

Since you can't move just yet but seem open to going to a lower-cost area at some point:
Option one, with a very firm and clear plan in place with DH to move out of this expensive area before the kids begin elementary school. Not a "We'll get around to it" plan--a financial plan based on one income and worked out with a financial adviser. Most banks have bankers who can be advisers like this and your own bank should help you for free as a customer of theirs.

[Anonymous]

This topic is done to death on this forum, a quick search will tell you that.

There is no perfect time your kids will always need you.

What you do is highly specific to your family and your kids needs at the time.

[Anonymous]

I decided to go with option 2. Our kids are now 7 & 10 and so far it is the right decision. We are aggressively saving for their college so they have more options than DH and I did in our 20s. I personally think that will be more meaningful to them in the long term.

[Anonymous]

You're going to get different responses depending on financial situations and values. There is no way I would have put my young children in any kind of daycare situation unless we were starving. I feel that strongly about it. My DH agrees.

[Anonymous]

Neither. I work part-time and think it's the perfect balance. I hope I can keep doing this as DS grows older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did the first option. I think it was the right decision.

+1
We did too. No regrets here. My kids are in high school now, and are busy doing their own things. They needed me far more when they were little.

[Anonymous]

Neither. I'd rather work part time. I couldn't find any part time work though. All the part time work I see is unskilled in retail or service sector.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, being home 0-3 is the most important. After 3, they should be in some kind of preschool program. I am a SAHM and by 4, year before K, I think they should be in a program 8-2/3 to get them ready for school. Kids have different needs at different ages. Until they drive, I'm a taxi service every afternoon. I love the flexibility to do that for them as I was a day care kid and did no activities but kids are just fine in day care/after school as they are with a SAHP. Do what is important to you. Either way, they will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Neither. I taught and basically followed them through school. I brought them with me to elementary and then switched and taught at their secondary school. I teach ESL, so I didn't actually deal with my kids or see them much, but it was nice knowing their teachers and I was able to keep closer tabs on them.

I can say now that they are in college, it's a bit weird not running into one of them randomly during the day. But that's empty nest life

[Anonymous]

There's no one-size answer for everybody. For me, it worked out well that I took time off when the kids were little, although keeping a hand in my career by occasional freelancing, and then took a flexible full-time job once they were in school. DH also shifted his work schedule once they were in middle school so he works at home 3x a week while I work at home 1x a week. We don't really have to do much for them but feel better that there is some supervision after school (other than 1 day week).

Looking back, the flexibility DH and I have in both our jobs now is probably more essential for our kids than the time I had at home with them. It matters to them that someone is there to talk to after school, that we can pick them up from camps, take them to a friend's house, etc. My kids have no memory of my SAHM years and most of their friends thrived in full-time childcare. The SAHM phase was really for me. I LOVED my years at home with them.

[Anonymous]

Option two as that's what my mom and grandma did. Dd had a great nanny. I come home at 4:30 and work hard and efficiently and will have more flexibility when es comes around and I need to be at school events, field trips, etc. and the money is good. Dd has a caretaker she loves and who loves her and is bonding with another adult in addition to her parents and grandparents.