Would you stay at home with small children, or wait for more work flexibility for kids when older?

[Anonymous]

I get paid $40/hour to teach people how to workout (while I work out!) It's not about the rate, it's about the time commitment.

[Anonymous]

I took option one, and in hindsight it was the wrong decision. I thank my lucky stars every day that I was able to get back on professional track when my youngest was three. Although my graduate degree is from the top school in the country in the field, given how specialized my career is, and that we'd moved away from DC, I was seriously, seriously lucky that I was able to get a job in my field again. We took a financial hit from my staying home that I'm not sure we will ever recover from. I'm just glad the hit wasn't worse because I was able to get back on the treadmill, but I look at what we could have saved for college, paid down in debt, and been able to spend on music lessons and other activities for the kids, and financially I know I made the wrong choice.

Given your situation, I would keep working. You don't have the financial flexibility right now to stop. As long as your kids are in a safe, fun daycare situation, keep working, keep saving, keep paying down debt. Look for career options that will give you more flexibility as the kids get older to work part-time or telework, but right now you'd be making a mistake in my opinion to leave your job when your financial situation is not secure.

[Anonymous]

I took 3 years off with my first child and then 1 year off with my second. I went to grad school (i have only 1 year to finish) while I was at home with my first one. Later, when my older was a teen, I was able to work part time (25-30 hours) to be around. I am back to full time job now.

[Anonymous]

Option 1 if you can easily afford it. Otherwise, look for flexible job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Option 2. Despite reports to the contrary, tweens and teens need you a lot. Not to mention activities I need to be around for, and also the stability of having someone home after they get home from school (or thereabouts) to sort of monitor the situation.

Couldn't disagree more. Most kids spend more and more time in extracurriculars and with friends as they get older.

However, there are some sahs of older kids who feel they must constantly spread this myth to justify their decision. And yes, I have older kids. There were a lot more opportunities to spend quality time with them when they were younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Option 2. Despite reports to the contrary, tweens and teens need you a lot. Not to mention activities I need to be around for, and also the stability of having someone home after they get home from school (or thereabouts) to sort of monitor the situation.

Couldn't disagree more. Most kids spend more and more time in extracurriculars and with friends as they get older.

However, there are some sahs of older kids who feel they must constantly spread this myth to justify their decision. And yes, I have older kids. There were a lot more opportunities to spend quality time with them when they were younger.

not all kids stay after school for a half hour and then home for the night. Mine stay for a club here or there but they have practices/games/music lessons from 4pm on. We are out most nights of the week until 8ish. The rare days we are free-we have three older kids-our house is the hang out house-I prefer to be there. Nice try though. I think both are important times but for very different reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Option 2. Despite reports to the contrary, tweens and teens need you a lot. Not to mention activities I need to be around for, and also the stability of having someone home after they get home from school (or thereabouts) to sort of monitor the situation.

Couldn't disagree more. Most kids spend more and more time in extracurriculars and with friends as they get older.

However, there are some sahs of older kids who feel they must constantly spread this myth to justify their decision. And yes, I have older kids. There were a lot more opportunities to spend quality time with them when they were younger.

not all kids stay after school for a half hour and then home for the night. Mine stay for a club here or there but they have practices/games/music lessons from 4pm on. We are out most nights of the week until 8ish. The rare days we are free-we have three older kids-our house is the hang out house-I prefer to be there. Nice try though. I think both are important times but for very different reasons.

I said most, not all. My kids and their friends are social and busy, others tweens and teens apparently spend their afternoons glued to their mom's side based on the posts here. Different strokes for different families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Option 2. Despite reports to the contrary, tweens and teens need you a lot. Not to mention activities I need to be around for, and also the stability of having someone home after they get home from school (or thereabouts) to sort of monitor the situation.

Couldn't disagree more. Most kids spend more and more time in extracurriculars and with friends as they get older.

However, there are some sahs of older kids who feel they must constantly spread this myth to justify their decision. And yes, I have older kids. There were a lot more opportunities to spend quality time with them when they were younger.

not all kids stay after school for a half hour and then home for the night. Mine stay for a club here or there but they have practices/games/music lessons from 4pm on. We are out most nights of the week until 8ish. The rare days we are free-we have three older kids-our house is the hang out house-I prefer to be there. Nice try though. I think both are important times but for very different reasons.

There is something called car pool. You spend your time running around town because that is how you chose to spend your time, not because it is necessary.

And most kids I know do their sports, music, drama at school once on in middle school. Yours have chosen a different and not common path.

[Anonymous]

Only you know the answer.

We chose option1 and it worked well for us. Our 3 kids were happy and DH was happy. I enjoyed every minute. Kids are older now (youngest is 3rd grade) and I'm exploring options to return to work. Options are limited but I would make the same decision again in a heartbeat. DH isn't pressuring me to return to work so that helps. Do I wish we had a bigger house? Definitely. But we have a house in a safe and friendly neighborhood with great schools. Do I wish we had more money to travel? Absolutely. But I think the trade off was worth it.

My sister took option 2. She has also been happy with her decision but it has been stressful for her. She is always racing around. Yet, being able to afford the big house, club and private school was important to her and her husband. I think she has zero regrets.

Follow your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Option 2. Despite reports to the contrary, tweens and teens need you a lot. Not to mention activities I need to be around for, and also the stability of having someone home after they get home from school (or thereabouts) to sort of monitor the situation.

Couldn't disagree more. Most kids spend more and more time in extracurriculars and with friends as they get older.

However, there are some sahs of older kids who feel they must constantly spread this myth to justify their decision. And yes, I have older kids. There were a lot more opportunities to spend quality time with them when they were younger.

not all kids stay after school for a half hour and then home for the night. Mine stay for a club here or there but they have practices/games/music lessons from 4pm on. We are out most nights of the week until 8ish. The rare days we are free-we have three older kids-our house is the hang out house-I prefer to be there. Nice try though. I think both are important times but for very different reasons.

There is something called car pool. You spend your time running around town because that is how you chose to spend your time, not because it is necessary.

And most kids I know do their sports, music, drama at school once on in middle school. Yours have chosen a different and not common path.

not really...they have better options than to hang out at the school. They do club sports, most of their games (away) are not at the MS, or high school-I have both. Two of them perform with a local theater, and music lessons are all over the place. One after school, another at 8 pm-HS kid and another at 4:30 but at home. Once again, not everyone has to make the same choices. Carpool does not always work out. I choose to take care of my own family not pawn them onto others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Option 2 but each situation is unique so it's hard to answer such a general question and with only two options to choose from, since real life contains infinite options.

I agree. This is kind of a black and white question that doesn't have such a clear cut answer. We chose Option 1 until my youngest started middle school, but now that my kids are older, I only work PT and one of us is always home when they get home. So we kind of did both options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Option 2. Despite reports to the contrary, tweens and teens need you a lot. Not to mention activities I need to be around for, and also the stability of having someone home after they get home from school (or thereabouts) to sort of monitor the situation.

Couldn't disagree more. Most kids spend more and more time in extracurriculars and with friends as they get older.

However, there are some sahs of older kids who feel they must constantly spread this myth to justify their decision. And yes, I have older kids. There were a lot more opportunities to spend quality time with them when they were younger.

I agree with both of you, however I don't think it's necessarily SAH moms of older kids spreading this myth. I think it's women who regret not staying home with their small children, and think that staying home with their older kids will make up for it.

I do agree with you that being present for my kids was far more important when they were little. And it's still important as they get older, of course, but to a much lesser degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Option 2. Despite reports to the contrary, tweens and teens need you a lot. Not to mention activities I need to be around for, and also the stability of having someone home after they get home from school (or thereabouts) to sort of monitor the situation.

Couldn't disagree more. Most kids spend more and more time in extracurriculars and with friends as they get older.

However, there are some sahs of older kids who feel they must constantly spread this myth to justify their decision. And yes, I have older kids. There were a lot more opportunities to spend quality time with them when they were younger.

not all kids stay after school for a half hour and then home for the night. Mine stay for a club here or there but they have practices/games/music lessons from 4pm on. We are out most nights of the week until 8ish. The rare days we are free-we have three older kids-our house is the hang out house-I prefer to be there. Nice try though. I think both are important times but for very different reasons.

I'm the pp who said option 2. Most of their stuff is later afternoon/early morning for a year round sport, plus the other activities. I get to know their friends, volunteer more, just be around.

[Anonymous]

I have gone in and out of working and being home (or working PT) multiple times during my children's childhoods, and it's nice to have done both because you appreciate the good points of each.

The early years are hard but there's nothing else like them and then they're gone. I'm glad I had a year of being home with preschoolers because it was one of my favorite, most fun years as a parent.

Then I went back full time and that was fine for a while, and then my older son started having problems and I scaled back to PT.

Now my kids are older (tweens/teens) and they are hardly around, it seems, and busy with homework, activities, their own interests, so there's a lot of time to work.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

i have found that the best conversations I have with my kids are when we are in the car driving to activities. I don't know why but I cannot get a word out of them if we are home but after school driving to wherever they love to talk. I have boys so not sure if this is common but our after school drives are a great source of info about them and their lives for me.