Would you stay at home with small children, or wait for more work flexibility for kids when older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 12 and 15. I've been lucky enough to work part time (24-32 hrs per week) throughout my kids' lives, but as infants and toddlers, they still had to go to daycare, as we have no family in the area and I was too nervous to go the nanny route.

Looking back and at where we are now, I think flexibility has become more important in their later childhood (tweens and teens).

Despite what some may suggest on this site, you're not a bad mom if you work to secure your family's financial stability.

What if you're in a job that offers no flexibility? I'm a teacher and my hours will always be set.

Except for the 4 months you have off a year, of course. Thats pretty darn flexible.

I don't have the flexibility to work from home, or leave work early on Tuesdays to pick up my kid from soccer practice, etc.

How can they have soccer practice during school hours? Aren't the kids in school?

I teach Elementary which gets out later than HS. My daughter's school gets out at 2:30. Dismissal at my elementary school is at 4. Even if I could leave immediately, it takes me 30 minutes to get to her school. I don't have the option of knocking off work 30 minutes early to pick up my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Option 2. I work as I like to work. I'd love to stay at home with my children, but frankly, I think I would get bored. I'd rather have more time when they are older.

While I agree that kids continue to need parental presence even as they get older, it's a fallacy that you actually spend more time with them during middle and high school. When they're little, they need you all the time. Older kids are far too busy with their own friends and activities to need you nearly as much.

Yes, we realize they don't "need" us in the same sense that little kids do. They "need" us to make sure they don't do stupid shit that can ruin their lives.

Guess what? Parents that get home at 6 o'clock can do that too, especially those who have kids that are busy with sports and extracurricular s and aren't home any earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did both. I stayed home in the beginning. Went back to work at 2-5yrs old and put them in a great preschool/daycare. Once they went into K, I stayed home again. I am currently working part time with youngest in 3rd and oldest in 10th. It is still REALLY hard to schedule everything. The activities, the school functions, the high school games right after school to watch, the carpooling, the dinners, helping with homework, lunches, etc... I honestly have no idea how working moms do it. I worked full time one year when I had two kids in school and my weekends were all about catching up. I was miserable.

So if I had to pick, I would pick working FT while they are young. Why?

1. They are playing ALL day and when you go and get them you can focus on them on YOUR terms. You feel like crap after a bad day a work? Snuggling at home and PB&J sandwiches for dinner will make those little ones and you happy. You have a crappy day at work when they are older and you miss your kid's lacrosse game, are late picking up son from karate, and when you get home everyone wants to know what is for dinner? Oh and you have a school function that night. It SUCKS!!

2. You will be able to get back to you if you are home when the kids are in school. Yes, you use that time to cook, clean, shop, and errands so you can focus on the kids when they get home but if you time manage, you can volunteer, do a hobby, go to the gym in peace. Happy wife and mom makes for a very happy home.

3. Your weekends are much more relaxing (schedule-wise) when the kids are young. You can spend so much time with them. Plan day trips, visit family, go to playgrounds, have working mom playgroups. As your kids get older, they will be going to activities, parties, etc.. and not only will your weekends be in the car a lot. You won't see them as much. If you are working, it is really tough to keep up with what is going on in their lives and it is a very crucial time to be able to do that.

4. Kids are exhausted after school no matter what their age and it is nice to not be exhausted and snippy along with them. Kids enjoy coming home to mom. Snacks, some downtime, kisses. Even my teen and tween are talkative about their day after a plop on the couch and a decent snack.

5. Summers. Camps are thru the roof expensive and most kids hate going week after week. Getting just a summer nanny is really expensive.

6. Days off from school. Random holidays, teacher days, your kid's sick days, snow days, etc... They add up very quickly. Not really an issue when they are younger. You can focus on work more. Not sitting at work creating your family schedule in hopes that you don't have to ask for 4 days off a month.

7. Two working parents figuring out who is getting who each days is a nightmare and very stressful on the marriage. Very little time to see each other and have time alone and date nights. I now meet my husband for lunch once a week or so. It is very nice to do that without worrying about babysitters, etc..

8. Just my opinion but the school years are what the kids remember and emotionally need you more. Younger kids seem needier but the olders ones secretly need you around.

Almost all these issues can be easily remedied with a part time nanny or sitter to help with activities and sick days, if one wants to work (.preferring to stay home is fine, but not a necessity). I am happy I was able to spend time at home when my kids were little and parent centrc.

You are incorrect. Kids won't sit down and talk to their "part time" nanny after school and if they did, you still won't have a clue what is going on. You still can't get to those high school games after school. You still are just as tired and snippy as your kids once you get home. You are still not seeing your husband as much. You are still paying for a nanny all summer long. You are still working all week and carpooling, laundry, errands, and grocery shipping all weekend. Never time to rest. And even so, most nanny's don't work part time 3-6pm and are always there for any day off at a minute's notice and all summer. Not a very ideal job unless you are paying thru the roof. No kid wants their nanny to come to their activities or watch their games. They want a parent there.

Agree completely. But I also think the early years are equally important, which is why I chose to stay home through high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No brainer. Work and continue advancing and building income (financial security) when kids are younger.

I did. I've worked hard the last 10 years (while my children have had excellent childcare), and now I'm in a position to retire at age 45.
Many of my friends quit to become SAHMs in their early 30's, and went back to work about 10 years later. They started back at much lower salaries and now have to work until age 67.

Unfortunately, a woman's prime earning years are around age 35-45. Being out of the workforce for most of that time is extremely detrimental to your family's financial security.

Don't let emotion overrule your decision

I stayed home for the first 8 years with my kids and then returined to a six figure flexible law job. I could afford to stay at home indefinitely but have no desire to retire in my forties. Everyone has their own best course,

This. Sounds very similar to my own situation, though I'm not in law. And now that my kids are older and busy with their own lives, I'm happy to be back at work. I also have no desire to retire in my forties, and my kids needed me most when they were young. I feel extremely fortunate that I was able to be there with them during that time, as I know it's not financially possible for so many parents. Those were some of the best years of my life.

I can go back FT when they go off to college. I will be 49. I don't get the "retire" at 40 comment.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A ton of educational and psychology research shows that the first five years of a child's life are foundational in many ways. I hear parents on here frequently saying that it doesn't matter who is taking care of the kids when they are babies and that "it doesn't matter to a baby but it does to an older child." This could not be more wrong. Parents engage differently than care-givers and are more invested. If you can stay home with young children, it is the better option. Those early years can be drudgery but it is more important for a loving parent to be there then versus later on. Practically speaking, it also makes more sense to stay at home when kids are young since older kids, especially in middle and high school, are in school and afterschool sports or programs until nearly 5 pm. It just doesn't make sense to drop out of the work force for a few hours a day.

I agree that there is value in staying home in the early years, however if someone has to choose between early and later years, I would still chose later. The stress of trying to work while keeping up with hectic pace of a teen's life can just about kill you, and quite frankly those are the years that the kids need the most guidance and are making decisions that can have life long consequences.

+1

And it isn't like you are not raising them those first 5 years!! You still have them mornings, evenings, and all weekends. When they are in daycare or with a nanny they are learning social skills and also that others can love and help them. That is not a bad thing. I think many new moms think their kids need them so much more when they are younger and have so much guilt. They think "Once they get into school I can work FT" but they have no idea how much busier life gets, especially with 2+ kids. I rarely find a mom with teens or empty nesters that say kids need you more those newborn thru 5yrs old years. They almost always say the tween/teen years are the toughest and when they need you the most.

Really, nearly all my friends who were sah, and I was one, returned to work at least part time once their youngest was in elementary. I know one person who started staying home when youngest was in K. My kids arecteens/tweaks. No need to stay home when kids get home at 4 or 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did both. I stayed home in the beginning. Went back to work at 2-5yrs old and put them in a great preschool/daycare. Once they went into K, I stayed home again. I am currently working part time with youngest in 3rd and oldest in 10th. It is still REALLY hard to schedule everything. The activities, the school functions, the high school games right after school to watch, the carpooling, the dinners, helping with homework, lunches, etc... I honestly have no idea how working moms do it. I worked full time one year when I had two kids in school and my weekends were all about catching up. I was miserable.

So if I had to pick, I would pick working FT while they are young. Why?

1. They are playing ALL day and when you go and get them you can focus on them on YOUR terms. You feel like crap after a bad day a work? Snuggling at home and PB&J sandwiches for dinner will make those little ones and you happy. You have a crappy day at work when they are older and you miss your kid's lacrosse game, are late picking up son from karate, and when you get home everyone wants to know what is for dinner? Oh and you have a school function that night. It SUCKS!!

2. You will be able to get back to you if you are home when the kids are in school. Yes, you use that time to cook, clean, shop, and errands so you can focus on the kids when they get home but if you time manage, you can volunteer, do a hobby, go to the gym in peace. Happy wife and mom makes for a very happy home.

3. Your weekends are much more relaxing (schedule-wise) when the kids are young. You can spend so much time with them. Plan day trips, visit family, go to playgrounds, have working mom playgroups. As your kids get older, they will be going to activities, parties, etc.. and not only will your weekends be in the car a lot. You won't see them as much. If you are working, it is really tough to keep up with what is going on in their lives and it is a very crucial time to be able to do that.

4. Kids are exhausted after school no matter what their age and it is nice to not be exhausted and snippy along with them. Kids enjoy coming home to mom. Snacks, some downtime, kisses. Even my teen and tween are talkative about their day after a plop on the couch and a decent snack.

5. Summers. Camps are thru the roof expensive and most kids hate going week after week. Getting just a summer nanny is really expensive.

6. Days off from school. Random holidays, teacher days, your kid's sick days, snow days, etc... They add up very quickly. Not really an issue when they are younger. You can focus on work more. Not sitting at work creating your family schedule in hopes that you don't have to ask for 4 days off a month.

7. Two working parents figuring out who is getting who each days is a nightmare and very stressful on the marriage. Very little time to see each other and have time alone and date nights. I now meet my husband for lunch once a week or so. It is very nice to do that without worrying about babysitters, etc..

8. Just my opinion but the school years are what the kids remember and emotionally need you more. Younger kids seem needier but the olders ones secretly need you around.

Almost all these issues can be easily remedied with a part time nanny or sitter to help with activities and sick days, if one wants to work (.preferring to stay home is fine, but not a necessity). I am happy I was able to spend time at home when my kids were little and parent centrc.

You are incorrect. Kids won't sit down and talk to their "part time" nanny after school and if they did, you still won't have a clue what is going on. You still can't get to those high school games after school. You still are just as tired and snippy as your kids once you get home. You are still not seeing your husband as much. You are still paying for a nanny all summer long. You are still working all week and carpooling, laundry, errands, and grocery shipping all weekend. Never time to rest. And even so, most nanny's don't work part time 3-6pm and are always there for any day off at a minute's notice and all summer. Not a very ideal job unless you are paying thru the roof. No kid wants their nanny to come to their activities or watch their games. They want a parent there.

So much crazy here . I work full time and my kids, dh, and I have plenty of Energy to chat on the drive to school, on weekends, and in the evening. Maybe your family is particularly low energy.

Plenty of working parents have the flexibility to leave work a little early to go to a late afternoon athletic event, school play, etc. .

You seem desperate to justify your choices. It is ok to be a Sah ust because you like it.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. When kids are little, they need loving, responsive caregivers. The older they get, the more they need their parents, not just anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. When kids are little, they need loving, responsive caregivers. The older they get, the more they need their parents, not just anyone.

Lol, getting desperate. As of being a nanny gives you some special status to be a judgmental a**.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A ton of educational and psychology research shows that the first five years of a child's life are foundational in many ways. I hear parents on here frequently saying that it doesn't matter who is taking care of the kids when they are babies and that "it doesn't matter to a baby but it does to an older child." This could not be more wrong. Parents engage differently than care-givers and are more invested. If you can stay home with young children, it is the better option. Those early years can be drudgery but it is more important for a loving parent to be there then versus later on. Practically speaking, it also makes more sense to stay at home when kids are young since older kids, especially in middle and high school, are in school and afterschool sports or programs until nearly 5 pm. It just doesn't make sense to drop out of the work force for a few hours a day.

I agree that there is value in staying home in the early years, however if someone has to choose between early and later years, I would still chose later. The stress of trying to work while keeping up with hectic pace of a teen's life can just about kill you, and quite frankly those are the years that the kids need the most guidance and are making decisions that can have life long consequences.

+1

And it isn't like you are not raising them those first 5 years!! You still have them mornings, evenings, and all weekends. When they are in daycare or with a nanny they are learning social skills and also that others can love and help them. That is not a bad thing. I think many new moms think their kids need them so much more when they are younger and have so much guilt. They think "Once they get into school I can work FT" but they have no idea how much busier life gets, especially with 2+ kids. I rarely find a mom with teens or empty nesters that say kids need you more those newborn thru 5yrs old years. They almost always say the tween/teen years are the toughest and when they need you the most.

Really, nearly all my friends who were sah, and I was one, returned to work at least part time once their youngest was in elementary. I know one person who started staying home when youngest was in K. My kids arecteens/tweaks. No need to stay home when kids get home at 4 or 5.

Terms and tweens, thanks autocorrect.