Intimacy question

[Anonymous]

I really want to keep this off the explicit board because I feel I will get better and more diverse answers and opinions here. So I will keep the language clean.

I am a married male in my mid 40's. Married 20 years. My wife has a higher libido or drive than I do, so that is not an issue. However I feel that she is too vanilla. I'm not interested in anything crazy, just more than me on top or her on top. I would love me behind, but she is self-conscious about me looking at her butt. She says that position doesn't feel personable because she can't face me. How do I spice it up a little? I feel like we get in a rut. We have kids 16 and 12. After 20 years, is it too late to bring her out of her shell, or am I the one in the wrong? I feel like we aren't meshing physically, even though the frequency is good.

[Anonymous]

Also hoping this isn't too explicit.

There is a website called something like 101 sex positions. Peruse it and find some positions that you both might like.

[Anonymous]

On the side.
Variation from the norm.
A partial view of what you desire, and she won't totally feel like she's in a porn video which is probably what she fears.

[Anonymous]

Just google position ideas, then pick the ones where you're able to maintain eye contact. Move her into those positions. Sometimes just moving her legs around during the act can change things up quite a bit.

If people start describing positions that work and allow eye contact, it's going to get deleted. It won't even get moved because the explicit board requires logins. I'm sure you'd get ideas there though.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I would be interested if other DW feel that way. Or is my wife the Lone Ranger. Is eye contact that important? I think some is body esteem issues, even though I think she looks great. She's just not very adventurous or outgoing after dark, even though her drive is higher than mine. We always follow the same script, which is probably my main question. Do others have the problem of always following the same script?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I'm not so worried about the physical with my question. I can figure out the positions. I'm wanting input on how to change or deal with the issue of following the same script all the time or getting the routine changed. Maybe moving outside the routine.

[Anonymous]

First, be happy that she has a high libido! You may be in the minority on this site. Offer to give her a massage using massage oil. She will be on her stomach and you should take a lot of time massaging from head to toe. My DH does that to me and it is awesome. Since this is not the explicit site I will keep it clean but I can assure you the massage gets me to the point where seeing eye to eye is not needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really want to keep this off the explicit board because I feel I will get better and more diverse answers and opinions here. So I will keep the language clean.

I am a married male in my mid 40's. Married 20 years. My wife has a higher libido or drive than I do, so that is not an issue. However I feel that she is too vanilla. I'm not interested in anything crazy, just more than me on top or her on top. I would love me behind, but she is self-conscious about me looking at her butt. She says that position doesn't feel personable because she can't face me. How do I spice it up a little? I feel like we get in a rut. We have kids 16 and 12. After 20 years, is it too late to bring her out of her shell, or am I the one in the wrong? I feel like we aren't meshing physically, even though the frequency is good.

I am a ice and I love it from behind. The only problem is that my husband finishes too quickly in that position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really want to keep this off the explicit board because I feel I will get better and more diverse answers and opinions here. So I will keep the language clean.

I am a married male in my mid 40's. Married 20 years. My wife has a higher libido or drive than I do, so that is not an issue. However I feel that she is too vanilla. I'm not interested in anything crazy, just more than me on top or her on top. I would love me behind, but she is self-conscious about me looking at her butt. She says that position doesn't feel personable because she can't face me. How do I spice it up a little? I feel like we get in a rut. We have kids 16 and 12. After 20 years, is it too late to bring her out of her shell, or am I the one in the wrong? I feel like we aren't meshing physically, even though the frequency is good.

Try doing her from behind while she's looking in a mirror at you.

[Anonymous]

Some people, especially women, are super vanilla. They like and enjoy sex but don't see it as a rich buffet to be sampled. Rather, something to scratch an itch and keep the connection.

You probably aren't going to change her, it's the price of admission. Perhaps something super vanilla like restraints to start?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want to keep this off the explicit board because I feel I will get better and more diverse answers and opinions here. So I will keep the language clean.

I am a married male in my mid 40's. Married 20 years. My wife has a higher libido or drive than I do, so that is not an issue. However I feel that she is too vanilla. I'm not interested in anything crazy, just more than me on top or her on top. I would love me behind, but she is self-conscious about me looking at her butt. She says that position doesn't feel personable because she can't face me. How do I spice it up a little? I feel like we get in a rut. We have kids 16 and 12. After 20 years, is it too late to bring her out of her shell, or am I the one in the wrong? I feel like we aren't meshing physically, even though the frequency is good.

Try doing her from behind while she's looking in a mirror at you.

+1 learned this in a hotel bathroom. We also did a magazine list once to get out of a rut...it was one of those "10 positions to blow his mind" types of things and it seemed less of a reach when it was just trying to complete the list.

[Anonymous]

I would find a time when you are on a date and feeling relaxed to talk to her about it. Wanted to spice things up after a couple decades is completely normal. If she has a higher drive, maybe you could do one of those sex everyday for a month challenges if in return she'll let you try some new positions. Or you could get a book a separately mark a couple things you'd like to try, and then have the other person pick from those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want to keep this off the explicit board because I feel I will get better and more diverse answers and opinions here. So I will keep the language clean.

I am a married male in my mid 40's. Married 20 years. My wife has a higher libido or drive than I do, so that is not an issue. However I feel that she is too vanilla. I'm not interested in anything crazy, just more than me on top or her on top. I would love me behind, but she is self-conscious about me looking at her butt. She says that position doesn't feel personable because she can't face me. How do I spice it up a little? I feel like we get in a rut. We have kids 16 and 12. After 20 years, is it too late to bring her out of her shell, or am I the one in the wrong? I feel like we aren't meshing physically, even though the frequency is good.

Try doing her from behind while she's looking in a mirror at you.

+1 learned this in a hotel bathroom. We also did a magazine list once to get out of a rut...it was one of those "10 positions to blow his mind" types of things and it seemed less of a reach when it was just trying to complete the list.

OP here. She has a high drive, but doesn't want to venture outside of 2 positions. A mirror would be considered too crazy for her, as would 10 positions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want to keep this off the explicit board because I feel I will get better and more diverse answers and opinions here. So I will keep the language clean.

I am a married male in my mid 40's. Married 20 years. My wife has a higher libido or drive than I do, so that is not an issue. However I feel that she is too vanilla. I'm not interested in anything crazy, just more than me on top or her on top. I would love me behind, but she is self-conscious about me looking at her butt. She says that position doesn't feel personable because she can't face me. How do I spice it up a little? I feel like we get in a rut. We have kids 16 and 12. After 20 years, is it too late to bring her out of her shell, or am I the one in the wrong? I feel like we aren't meshing physically, even though the frequency is good.

Try doing her from behind while she's looking in a mirror at you.

+1 learned this in a hotel bathroom. We also did a magazine list once to get out of a rut...it was one of those "10 positions to blow his mind" types of things and it seemed less of a reach when it was just trying to complete the list.

OP here. She has a high drive, but doesn't want to venture outside of 2 positions. A mirror would be considered too crazy for her, as would 10 positions.

PP here. I'm going to go back to my earlier advice to shift her a little when you're in the act. You can start to subtly change positions like that, even by moving her legs around. It's small but it's a start. I love when DH does that. Would she be receptive if you take control and do it rather than asking? If DH asked, "would you mind if i..." it wouldn't be as appealing as if he just did it. I can still say no if I don't like it, but I (and a lot of other women too) like when a man takes control. And if you can find something that feels good, it might be easier to try new things.

Or she might never get past the two positions she likes. At least she'll get on top. Some guys don't even get that.

[Anonymous]

Just curious, OP, if your wife orgasms from PIV?