Intimacy question

[Anonymous]

You're getting it regularly. If it isn't good enough for you, just say no thank you. Maybe going without for a time will help you appreciate what you do have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're getting it regularly. If it isn't good enough for you, just say no thank you. Maybe going without for a time will help you appreciate what you do have?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to spice things up. I'm well fed. I eat 3 meals a day, but I'd get bored with rice and beans 21 times a week. Sometimes I want a steak. This poor guy isn't even asking for that. He's just asking for some grilled chicken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're getting it regularly. If it isn't good enough for you, just say no thank you. Maybe going without for a time will help you appreciate what you do have?

We all try to improve things if we can. For all involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm getting some good feedback, thanks.

The answer is no on the toys. She is too vanilla for that.

Agreed that saying "some women like this" might be weird. I don't want her thinking "well what women do you know that like this and how do you know they like it"

I think she doesn't like exposing her rear end honestly. A self conscious thing. We can all be self conscious about certain body parts. And her butt is actually very nice.

I'm glad to get some female feedback on how to bring her out of her shell a little, or mix up the routine. But not trying to do anything crazy. That is why I didn't go to the explicit board, because the answers would be crazy stuff that I know she isn't interested in, and I'm fine that she is not. I'm fine staying vanilla, just need a little variance on the routine and trying to figure out how to make her see that.

Don't knock the explicit board. Some of the posters here who are helping you are from the explicit board.

Whatever you do, go slow and easy. I agree about not discussing in advance. Things sound weird with your clothes on but feel good with your clothes off. I also agree with not asking permission. It's a mood killer. Just be good at reading her mood. If you push too far all at once, she could tense up, and she might not finish. If she doesn't get there, it'll reinforce that vanilla is best. I know that if I feel self conscious, I can't get there until DH makes me feel comfortable again. It's not fair to him to do the heavy lifting, but if he wants the thing that pushes my boundaries, that's how it works.

This is getting back to positioning, but there are positions where you're not facing each other, and you can't see her ass. Spooning is very intimate. You could try spooning naked and not attempting sex, then when she's comfortable with that, maybe she'd be willing to go a little further.

OP here. Not knocking the explicit board. I just wanted some answers from females similar to my wife, which I won't find on the explicit board. Because my wife would never be on the explicit board.

[Anonymous]

Never too late. As the children prepare to leave the nest, she might be less self-conscious and more willing to experiment.

Try introducing a toy. Try spooning her from behind while using the toy(vibe) on the front. That may help her with the feeling of closeness and you start working your way to new things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm getting some good feedback, thanks.

The answer is no on the toys. She is too vanilla for that.

Agreed that saying "some women like this" might be weird. I don't want her thinking "well what women do you know that like this and how do you know they like it"

I think she doesn't like exposing her rear end honestly. A self conscious thing. We can all be self conscious about certain body parts. And her butt is actually very nice.

I'm glad to get some female feedback on how to bring her out of her shell a little, or mix up the routine. But not trying to do anything crazy. That is why I didn't go to the explicit board, because the answers would be crazy stuff that I know she isn't interested in, and I'm fine that she is not. I'm fine staying vanilla, just need a little variance on the routine and trying to figure out how to make her see that.

Toys can be introduced simply. Did you ever give DW a massage? Get a massager to help use it on her back. Next time use it on her back and calves and thighs. 3rd time, see if when using it on the inside of her thighs, you can slide it up or just use it on her butt cheeks and then ask her to roll over. Go slow. Don't dive right in. Tease the are when you get their. Her body language will let you know. Sometimes it's just about embarrassment or concern over what they thought was right/wrong and not at all about desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP can you get her a vibrator as a gift--surprise her with it! See how she responds.

I recommend against this. You can get a vibrator, but talk about it first. Getting it as "a gift" is likely to make her feel pressured and make her regard it as a gift you're giving yourself.

[Anonymous]

I have been wanting to post something similar but also afreaid it would be moved to explicit. I'm a low drive wife who has no problem reaching orgasm and willing to have sex 5 times a week to keep him happy. I just am not great at initiating nor do I like crazy positions or lots of manual stimulations. I enjoy oral and so does he. Unfortunately he wants more. He wants like a porn video. Many positions. (Including from rear and I mean rear penatration) Lights always on. Lingerie. Dirty talk. I just don't like all that. I feel phoney and stupid acting like a porn star. It's ruining our marriage because I'm resentful and so is he. He's very resentful I won't try the rear entrance, especially. And that makes me very angry. So it's a vicious circle. Also married 20 years and 2 kids. Stressful jobs. Etc.

[Anonymous]

With darkness, very low light or candlelight (so she won't be self-conscious about how her body looks), do missionary or woman on top for a while, then finish with one of the moves you want to do. Discuss it ahead of time. Have some wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been wanting to post something similar but also afreaid it would be moved to explicit. I'm a low drive wife who has no problem reaching orgasm and willing to have sex 5 times a week to keep him happy. I just am not great at initiating nor do I like crazy positions or lots of manual stimulations. I enjoy oral and so does he. Unfortunately he wants more. He wants like a porn video. Many positions. (Including from rear and I mean rear penatration) Lights always on. Lingerie. Dirty talk. I just don't like all that. I feel phoney and stupid acting like a porn star. It's ruining our marriage because I'm resentful and so is he. He's very resentful I won't try the rear entrance, especially. And that makes me very angry. So it's a vicious circle. Also married 20 years and 2 kids. Stressful jobs. Etc.

I'm OP. I'm not asking for anal, or toys, or dirty talk, or props, or porn. I'm just wanting to get a little away from the two position script. Maybe 3-4 positions. And foreplay shouldn't always be in the same order. I swear you could watch us get intimate 50 times and think that each time is identical.

[Anonymous]

OP- How about bringing it to the living room couch? She can sit with her back to you and you can wrap your arms around her. She can easily turn around to kiss you or look in your eyes. You are not directly looking at her bum.

[Anonymous]

There are many face-to-face positions beyond missionary and on top. If eye contact is important to her, make sure there is eye contact. If you spend a few minutes on the internet you can find them. This can get you started. Some are only very minor modifications of what you are likely doing so start there. If she responds positively you can branch out. My DH and I have a "limited repertoire" but rarely follow the same routine from beginning to end. And little variations also work. One other tip is, if you can, have sex in a different place even if its just on the floor. We have a fireplace in our MBR and every once in awhile we just throw the blankets and pillows on the floor in front of the fireplace. That little change of location and the light from the fireplace always amps up our energy levels which leads to new positions.


http://sexpositions.club/tag/face-to-face

[Anonymous]

I'm a firm believer in try everything twice...it's what couples do for each other. And that works both ways - sometimes the DH needs to spend 30 minutes on DW without reciprocation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP can you get her a vibrator as a gift--surprise her with it! See how she responds.

I recommend against this. You can get a vibrator, but talk about it first. Getting it as "a gift" is likely to make her feel pressured and make her regard it as a gift you're giving yourself.

My husband gave me one and I did not like it. I prefer he do the work.

[Anonymous]

DW here. Something doesn't make sense to me. You say she is high drive, but she is vanilla and follows the same routine each time. That doesn't add up. Are you sure she isn't giving you duty sex and this is the only way she can get through it?

I ask because I am high drive and I would be bored with the same thing done the same way each time. I've been married as long as you have and have discovered there are many many ways to be intimate and still many things to try.