Intimacy question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm getting some good feedback, thanks.

The answer is no on the toys. She is too vanilla for that.

Agreed that saying "some women like this" might be weird. I don't want her thinking "well what women do you know that like this and how do you know they like it"

I think she doesn't like exposing her rear end honestly. A self conscious thing. We can all be self conscious about certain body parts. And her butt is actually very nice.

I'm glad to get some female feedback on how to bring her out of her shell a little, or mix up the routine. But not trying to do anything crazy. That is why I didn't go to the explicit board, because the answers would be crazy stuff that I know she isn't interested in, and I'm fine that she is not. I'm fine staying vanilla, just need a little variance on the routine and trying to figure out how to make her see that.

Don't knock the explicit board. Some of the posters here who are helping you are from the explicit board.

How do you know we don't venture over to the explicit board?

Whatever you do, go slow and easy. I agree about not discussing in advance. Things sound weird with your clothes on but feel good with your clothes off. I also agree with not asking permission. It's a mood killer. Just be good at reading her mood. If you push too far all at once, she could tense up, and she might not finish. If she doesn't get there, it'll reinforce that vanilla is best. I know that if I feel self conscious, I can't get there until DH makes me feel comfortable again. It's not fair to him to do the heavy lifting, but if he wants the thing that pushes my boundaries, that's how it works.

This is getting back to positioning, but there are positions where you're not facing each other, and you can't see her ass. Spooning is very intimate. You could try spooning naked and not attempting sex, then when she's comfortable with that, maybe she'd be willing to go a little further.

OP here. Not knocking the explicit board. I just wanted some answers from females similar to my wife, which I won't find on the explicit board. Because my wife would never be on the explicit board.

[Anonymous]

Your wife isn't high drive. She is average drive, having sex a little more than she wants to appease you.

Anyway, here is how you should move to spice things up - in the moment, not before. behold:

If you’re a sexual pursuer, you like to improve things. You probably have fantastic ideas about how to spice sex up. And you’ve probably been shot down a time or two (or hundred). The best time to suggest something new is not on the car ride home but after she is very aroused. At that point her modesty is lower, her inhibition has dropped, and she is the most open to your suggestion.

[b]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/married-and-still-doing-it/201209/five-sex-tips-men-about-women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want to keep this off the explicit board because I feel I will get better and more diverse answers and opinions here. So I will keep the language clean.

I am a married male in my mid 40's. Married 20 years. My wife has a higher libido or drive than I do, so that is not an issue. However I feel that she is too vanilla. I'm not interested in anything crazy, just more than me on top or her on top. I would love me behind, but she is self-conscious about me looking at her butt. She says that position doesn't feel personable because she can't face me. How do I spice it up a little? I feel like we get in a rut. We have kids 16 and 12. After 20 years, is it too late to bring her out of her shell, or am I the one in the wrong? I feel like we aren't meshing physically, even though the frequency is good.

Try doing her from behind while she's looking in a mirror at you.

+1 learned this in a hotel bathroom. We also did a magazine list once to get out of a rut...it was one of those "10 positions to blow his mind" types of things and it seemed less of a reach when it was just trying to complete the list.

OP here. She has a high drive, but doesn't want to venture outside of 2 positions. A mirror would be considered too crazy for her, as would 10 positions.

My husband probably thinks that I'm vanilla and I don't like to try too many positions but in reality he thinks I am SUUUUUPER flexible and while I kind of am, I don't enjoy sex at all when I'm twisted into a knot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want to keep this off the explicit board because I feel I will get better and more diverse answers and opinions here. So I will keep the language clean.

I am a married male in my mid 40's. Married 20 years. My wife has a higher libido or drive than I do, so that is not an issue. However I feel that she is too vanilla. I'm not interested in anything crazy, just more than me on top or her on top. I would love me behind, but she is self-conscious about me looking at her butt. She says that position doesn't feel personable because she can't face me. How do I spice it up a little? I feel like we get in a rut. We have kids 16 and 12. After 20 years, is it too late to bring her out of her shell, or am I the one in the wrong? I feel like we aren't meshing physically, even though the frequency is good.

Try doing her from behind while she's looking in a mirror at you.

+1 learned this in a hotel bathroom. We also did a magazine list once to get out of a rut...it was one of those "10 positions to blow his mind" types of things and it seemed less of a reach when it was just trying to complete the list.

OP here. She has a high drive, but doesn't want to venture outside of 2 positions. A mirror would be considered too crazy for her, as would 10 positions.

My husband probably thinks that I'm vanilla and I don't like to try too many positions but in reality he thinks I am SUUUUUPER flexible and while I kind of am, I don't enjoy sex at all when I'm twisted into a knot.

I see your point, but there's a whole world of positions between mish and pretzel.
-another flexible DW

[Anonymous]

My DW enjoys sex, almost always has an O from PIV, but like OPs wife is a little vanilla.
The other day she did a few things that surprised me and the sex was amazing. So the following day I said I really enjoyed last night. She said she did too, but wished I would love her for who she is... this just left me confused

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW enjoys sex, almost always has an O from PIV, but like OPs wife is a little vanilla.
The other day she did a few things that surprised me and the sex was amazing. So the following day I said I really enjoyed last night. She said she did too, but wished I would love her for who she is... this just left me confused

She was performing to please you. It didn't feel natural to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW enjoys sex, almost always has an O from PIV, but like OPs wife is a little vanilla.
The other day she did a few things that surprised me and the sex was amazing. So the following day I said I really enjoyed last night. She said she did too, but wished I would love her for who she is... this just left me confused

Did she really enjoy it or just enjoy pleasing you. Different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn't high drive. She is average drive, having sex a little more than she wants to appease you.

Anyway, here is how you should move to spice things up - in the moment, not before. behold:

If you’re a sexual pursuer, you like to improve things. You probably have fantastic ideas about how to spice sex up. And you’ve probably been shot down a time or two (or hundred). The best time to suggest something new is not on the car ride home but after she is very aroused. At that point her modesty is lower, her inhibition has dropped, and she is the most open to your suggestion.

[b]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/married-and-still-doing-it/201209/five-sex-tips-men-about-women

THAT was a great article. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP can you get her a vibrator as a gift--surprise her with it! See how she responds.

I recommend against this. You can get a vibrator, but talk about it first. Getting it as "a gift" is likely to make her feel pressured and make her regard it as a gift you're giving yourself.

Yes, yes, this would turn me off and I'm fairly adventurous. The vibrator itself would not turn me off, but the idea that I got it for a gift (kind of like a vacuum cleaner for mother's day, you know?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would be interested if other DW feel that way. Or is my wife the Lone Ranger. Is eye contact that important? I think some is body esteem issues, even though I think she looks great. She's just not very adventurous or outgoing after dark, even though her drive is higher than mine. We always follow the same script, which is probably my main question. Do others have the problem of always following the same script?

Yes, to get ...umm, what I want I have to follow the same script that is most effective for me, and I don't care about eye contact when it happenes. And no, it's not a problem, it's just the way it is.
Other than that I want to see his face.
Doggy staff is just not right, besides, it hurts. Other things are, this one is not.

[Anonymous]

From the linked article:

"Do research live on her with a night set aside for learning. Tell her you want nothing in return that night—only to learn how to please her."

I don't know about other folks, but if I told my wife, "I want to set a night aside for learning about what touches you like. I don't want anything in return. I only want to learn how to please you." -- she'd laugh at me and find the situation so awkward she probably wouldn't let me touch her for a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would be interested if other DW feel that way. Or is my wife the Lone Ranger. Is eye contact that important? I think some is body esteem issues, even though I think she looks great. She's just not very adventurous or outgoing after dark, even though her drive is higher than mine. We always follow the same script, which is probably my main question. Do others have the problem of always following the same script?

Yes, to get ...umm, what I want I have to follow the same script that is most effective for me, and I don't care about eye contact when it happenes. And no, it's not a problem, it's just the way it is.
Other than that I want to see his face.
Doggy staff is just not right, besides, it hurts. Other things are, this one is not.

If it hurts, he's not doing it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I would be interested if other DW feel that way. Or is my wife the Lone Ranger. Is eye contact that important? I think some is body esteem issues, even though I think she looks great. She's just not very adventurous or outgoing after dark, even though her drive is higher than mine. We always follow the same script, which is probably my main question. Do others have the problem of always following the same script?

Yes, to get ...umm, what I want I have to follow the same script that is most effective for me, and I don't care about eye contact when it happenes. And no, it's not a problem, it's just the way it is.
Other than that I want to see his face.
Doggy staff is just not right, besides, it hurts. Other things are, this one is not.

If it hurts, he's not doing it right.

I had more then men in my life ))) it's me, not them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW enjoys sex, almost always has an O from PIV, but like OPs wife is a little vanilla.
The other day she did a few things that surprised me and the sex was amazing. So the following day I said I really enjoyed last night. She said she did too, but wished I would love her for who she is... this just left me confused

Did she really enjoy it or just enjoy pleasing you. Different things.

This. And are his sure she's having an orgasm almost every time from PIV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DW enjoys sex, almost always has an O from PIV, but like OPs wife is a little vanilla.
The other day she did a few things that surprised me and the sex was amazing. So the following day I said I really enjoyed last night. She said she did too, but wished I would love her for who she is... this just left me confused

Did she really enjoy it or just enjoy pleasing you. Different things.

This. And are his sure she's having an orgasm almost every time from PIV?

Yeah. I was over that one...