Importance of Being Thin in Dating?

[Anonymous]

I am a 42yo recently divorced, professional woman. I feel like I'd like to start dating but am self-conscious about my weight and feel maybe I shouldn't bother dating until I've lost 40 pounds. This is an issue I've struggled with my whole life. Yes, some might say, just lose the weight, but I'm finding it harder than that. On the one hand I don't want to sell myself short, i.e. I am above average pretty, smart and have my act together, not to mention healthy sex drive with good skills in the bedroom. And maybe I am selling 40+ yr old men short by assuming that they will automatically be turned off by an overweight woman... Curious about perspectives for a reality check... Thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42yo recently divorced, professional woman. I feel like I'd like to start dating but am self-conscious about my weight and feel maybe I shouldn't bother dating until I've lost 40 pounds. This is an issue I've struggled with my whole life. Yes, some might say, just lose the weight, but I'm finding it harder than that. On the one hand I don't want to sell myself short, i.e. I am above average pretty, smart and have my act together, not to mention healthy sex drive with good skills in the bedroom. And maybe I am selling 40+ yr old men short by assuming that they will automatically be turned off by an overweight woman... Curious about perspectives for a reality check... Thanks

Unless you plan on dating 20yr olds you won't find that many men in their 40's that are in that much better shape. I am in my 50's and a runner and finding a man even close to my age that is even remotely close to being as fit as I am is damn well near impossible and I don't like young boys so I am always stuck with some fat ass who is talking about how he plans to loose wt and get in shape as he stuffs a burger in his face. I wouldn't worry about loosing the wt unless you want to do it for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Do it for your health, do it for yourself. You want someone who will love you even if you have extra lbs on your frame. Find a program and stick to it. As much as I hate MLmS, beachbody can really help with exercise and food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42yo recently divorced, professional woman. I feel like I'd like to start dating but am self-conscious about my weight and feel maybe I shouldn't bother dating until I've lost 40 pounds. This is an issue I've struggled with my whole life. Yes, some might say, just lose the weight, but I'm finding it harder than that. On the one hand I don't want to sell myself short, i.e. I am above average pretty, smart and have my act together, not to mention healthy sex drive with good skills in the bedroom. And maybe I am selling 40+ yr old men short by assuming that they will automatically be turned off by an overweight woman... Curious about perspectives for a reality check... Thanks

Unless you plan on dating 20yr olds you won't find that many men in their 40's that are in that much better shape. I am in my 50's and a runner and finding a man even close to my age that is even remotely close to being as fit as I am is damn well near impossible and I don't like young boys so I am always stuck with some fat ass who is talking about how he plans to loose wt and get in shape as he stuffs a burger in his face. I wouldn't worry about loosing the wt unless you want to do it for yourself.

+1

OP, have you seen most men over 40? Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42yo recently divorced, professional woman. I feel like I'd like to start dating but am self-conscious about my weight and feel maybe I shouldn't bother dating until I've lost 40 pounds. This is an issue I've struggled with my whole life. Yes, some might say, just lose the weight, but I'm finding it harder than that. On the one hand I don't want to sell myself short, i.e. I am above average pretty, smart and have my act together, not to mention healthy sex drive with good skills in the bedroom. And maybe I am selling 40+ yr old men short by assuming that they will automatically be turned off by an overweight woman... Curious about perspectives for a reality check... Thanks

Lose 40 pounds and all those easy excuses.

Why do you assume fitness is an easy pursuit for others?

[Anonymous]

You mean "American thin" or "rest of the world thin"?

Because here most people are overweight, so being normal weight makes you look thin.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you have struggled with your weight most of your life, I think you should accept that this will always be a struggle for you and start dating now. What if you lose 40 pounds, get a guy to like you based on your lower weight and gain it all back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you have struggled with your weight most of your life, I think you should accept that this will always be a struggle for you and start dating now. What if you lose 40 pounds, get a guy to like you based on your lower weight and gain it all back?

+1

Unless you have the time and energy to devote to perfect meal planning and tracking and going to the gym every day for your lifetime, you will either not lose the weight or you will lose it and gain it back. The percentage of people who lose weight and keep it off is very, very small. It certainly wouldn't hurt to make small changes to improve your health, but don't hinge dating on being perfect.

[Anonymous]

As a thin, 41 year old woman who is trying to date, I can't say that being thin has helped me find good guys. So I say make yourself happy in terms of whether you want to lose weight or stay as you are.

[Anonymous]

I would say focus hard on losing the weight, except for your statement that you're "above average pretty."

When I'm 30 lbs overweight, I am not above average pretty, and I am basically invisible if not outright seemingly offensive to look at to the non-married eye in DC. Having recently lost 10 lbs, I realize that suddenly lots more men acknowledge my existence ... It also looks to me that many or most available professional men in their 40ies in DC are fit.

So I think it comes down to your sense of the feedback you're getting right now from available men. If you feel invisible, lose weight until you don't. If you're getting attention from men, then why not try dating, even if you feel a bit overweight.

[Anonymous]

You can have success regardless, but being fit definitely gives anyone a huge advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42yo recently divorced, professional woman. I feel like I'd like to start dating but am self-conscious about my weight and feel maybe I shouldn't bother dating until I've lost 40 pounds. This is an issue I've struggled with my whole life. Yes, some might say, just lose the weight, but I'm finding it harder than that. On the one hand I don't want to sell myself short, i.e. I am above average pretty, smart and have my act together, not to mention healthy sex drive with good skills in the bedroom. And maybe I am selling 40+ yr old men short by assuming that they will automatically be turned off by an overweight woman... Curious about perspectives for a reality check... Thanks

Unless you plan on dating 20yr olds you won't find that many men in their 40's that are in that much better shape. I am in my 50's and a runner and finding a man even close to my age that is even remotely close to being as fit as I am is damn well near impossible and I don't like young boys so I am always stuck with some fat ass who is talking about how he plans to loose wt and get in shape as he stuffs a burger in his face. I wouldn't worry about loosing the wt unless you want to do it for yourself.

+1

OP, have you seen most men over 40? Yuck.

Yep take a look at women over forty...yuck!

[Anonymous]

So op when you are 50 you will look back and think wow I wish I looked like I did when I was 40. Life is too short, do not worry about the egotistical aholes like 13:49. She is the female version of a male sexist pig. Find someone who likes as you are.

[Anonymous]

If you're confident, it doesn't matter what you weigh. Do what it takes to feel good about yourself. Internally or externally. If you don't, you will find people who treat you badly.

[Anonymous]

Online dating can be brutal no matter your weight. But being even a little heavy will get you overlooked by many. In person meetings it's prob less of an issue.