How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

We don’t even know if the other kids were being rude, because the context of the conversation was never provided.

If OP’s kid was bragging about getting in and the other kids said “oh, but your parents went there,” that’s not rude. It’s putting a cocky person in their place and saying the honest part out loud.

If the kids were sitting around talking about why they think they got accepted or rejected, and someone said “oh, but your parents (also) went there,” that’s a contextualized statement, not a rude one.

This last one isn’t just a hypothetical. Private school counselors regularly counsel unhooked students away from ED at colleges where other students have hooks, because they know the college is likely to limit how many applicants it takes from a school and the hooked kids have an upper hand.

If the kids said, “hey did you get in” and OP’s kid said, “yeah,” and the kids responded, “oh, but your parents went there.” Then, yeah, that’s rude. But I kind of doubt that’s the whole story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s unfair and everyone knows it.
If it hadn’t benefited your kid you would think so too. Legacy should end. But then again sadly there are so many other ways the system is rigged and not meritocratic no one should take it admission as such a big point of pride. I say this as a first gen Ivy grad.

Your kid should just say “yeah I had a bit of extra luck. “ and then just move on.

While that’s true, the kid was a dick.

The more appropriate response would be for him to roll his eyes. Or if the kid is routinely a dick say “suck it, loser”.

That shows that OP and her child are POS people lacking class. They are benefiting from a rigged system. If they decided to use the legacy quota then they should accept that. The other kid was brave for pointing it out.

LOL, no.

The kid was being a dick.

[Anonymous]

If anything this thread shows, people resent others who have more and want you to apologize for it and/or give it up.

Don’t.

Be respectful of and gracious to people you respect or deserve respect and lean in on your own success and benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s unfair and everyone knows it.
If it hadn’t benefited your kid you would think so too. Legacy should end. But then again sadly there are so many other ways the system is rigged and not meritocratic no one should take it admission as such a big point of pride. I say this as a first gen Ivy grad.

Your kid should just say “yeah I had a bit of extra luck. “ and then just move on.

While that’s true, the kid was a dick.

The more appropriate response would be for him to roll his eyes. Or if the kid is routinely a dick say “suck it, loser”.

That shows that OP and her child are POS people lacking class. They are benefiting from a rigged system. If they decided to use the legacy quota then they should accept that. The other kid was brave for pointing it out.

Your shoulders must be in constant agony from the huge chips on them. Good Lord. Get over it. Living your life being envious of others is not healthy. Get therapy.

This thread is scary. So many people with no class and nothing better to do than be jealous of others.

I like the fat example above. You can think someone is fat, but you shouldn't say it. Similarly, you can think someone benefitted from the system but unless they were being truly obnoxious and rubbing it in your face (which I doubt this kid was), you keep it to yourself.

If I saw all of you idiots on the street I wouldn't walk up to you and call you stupid even though you clearly are.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

Sure legacies have an advantage in admissions - so in your mind that justifies other kids being rude about it? That’s an odd conclusion to reach

These kids were rude but in the scheme of things that kids that age can be rude about, my goodness. Are egos that fragile? Please recall that these kids are dealing with their own disappointment. Teach your children to be gracious about their victories.

The “rudeness” was pointing out that OP’s DC was a legacy meaning that they had odds in the 1 out of 3 or 4 range while the rejected kids faced 1 out of 100 odds. . .

You need to take an intro stats class. And also an etiquette class. Because bringing something like this up is rude. Full stop.

The fact that so many people are OK with the fact that the rejected kids mentioned it is horrifying. They might be right - one can make a very good argument for that. But to mention it is really low class. I don't see why this is even debatable.

Not PP obviously but most of us have acknowledged the rudeness. Some posters feel that because the kids were rude, nothing else matters. I do not agree — but that’s not the same thing as defending the rudeness itself.

From OP’s description the rudeness was stating a fact, one for my own kid I would hope they wouldn’t vocalize, but the truth nonetheless and I am willing to give grace to both OP’s kid and the rejected one who no doubt said it out of disappointment. Further, if OP’s kid can’t handle it they aren’t well prepared to attend the college they just got into as their legacy status will be known and commented on there as well

Clearly you haven't gone to a competitive school. People have better things to talk about than legacy status. Once you are there you have bigger things to worry about than how people got in. The only reason it might come up is if someone is truly well below everyone else academically, to the point of being an outlier. Then people might say "how did they get in here?" But if someone is just minding their own business and not consistently making dumb comments, no one will care.

I went to HYPSM. I knew several legacies. Most were quite smart. They couple that were not were from very wealthy families with a long long line of legacies. Like generations at this school. I still didn't say anything about how they got in there because that would be very rude. I thought it, but kept that thought to myself. Which is exactly what the classmate here should have done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

Sure legacies have an advantage in admissions - so in your mind that justifies other kids being rude about it? That’s an odd conclusion to reach

These kids were rude but in the scheme of things that kids that age can be rude about, my goodness. Are egos that fragile? Please recall that these kids are dealing with their own disappointment. Teach your children to be gracious about their victories.

The “rudeness” was pointing out that OP’s DC was a legacy meaning that they had odds in the 1 out of 3 or 4 range while the rejected kids faced 1 out of 100 odds. . .

You need to take an intro stats class. And also an etiquette class. Because bringing something like this up is rude. Full stop.

The fact that so many people are OK with the fact that the rejected kids mentioned it is horrifying. They might be right - one can make a very good argument for that. But to mention it is really low class. I don't see why this is even debatable.

Not PP obviously but most of us have acknowledged the rudeness. Some posters feel that because the kids were rude, nothing else matters. I do not agree — but that’s not the same thing as defending the rudeness itself.

From OP’s description the rudeness was stating a fact, one for my own kid I would hope they wouldn’t vocalize, but the truth nonetheless and I am willing to give grace to both OP’s kid and the rejected one who no doubt said it out of disappointment. Further, if OP’s kid can’t handle it they aren’t well prepared to attend the college they just got into as their legacy status will be known and commented on there as well

Clearly you haven't gone to a competitive school. People have better things to talk about than legacy status. Once you are there you have bigger things to worry about than how people got in. The only reason it might come up is if someone is truly well below everyone else academically, to the point of being an outlier. Then people might say "how did they get in here?" But if someone is just minding their own business and not consistently making dumb comments, no one will care.

I went to HYPSM. I knew several legacies. Most were quite smart. They couple that were not were from very wealthy families with a long long line of legacies. Like generations at this school. I still didn't say anything about how they got in there because that would be very rude. I thought it, but kept that thought to myself. Which is exactly what the classmate here should have done.

I am the person you are responding to. And I agree 100%. I wouldn't say it to the person's face. I am just saying that is the only reason you would even think about it. I went to an Ivy+ and had a real moron in a class. Trying to figure out what they were doing there. Then realized they were a very talented athlete and it made more sense (note that most of the other athletes at my school were extremely smart - this was a clear outlier). But I didn't say anything, as that would be uncalled for and rude. Otherwise, I was not researching people's backgrounds and bios. I had better things to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

Sure legacies have an advantage in admissions - so in your mind that justifies other kids being rude about it? That’s an odd conclusion to reach

These kids were rude but in the scheme of things that kids that age can be rude about, my goodness. Are egos that fragile? Please recall that these kids are dealing with their own disappointment. Teach your children to be gracious about their victories.

The “rudeness” was pointing out that OP’s DC was a legacy meaning that they had odds in the 1 out of 3 or 4 range while the rejected kids faced 1 out of 100 odds. . .

You need to take an intro stats class. And also an etiquette class. Because bringing something like this up is rude. Full stop.

The fact that so many people are OK with the fact that the rejected kids mentioned it is horrifying. They might be right - one can make a very good argument for that. But to mention it is really low class. I don't see why this is even debatable.

Not PP obviously but most of us have acknowledged the rudeness. Some posters feel that because the kids were rude, nothing else matters. I do not agree — but that’s not the same thing as defending the rudeness itself.

From OP’s description the rudeness was stating a fact, one for my own kid I would hope they wouldn’t vocalize, but the truth nonetheless and I am willing to give grace to both OP’s kid and the rejected one who no doubt said it out of disappointment. Further, if OP’s kid can’t handle it they aren’t well prepared to attend the college they just got into as their legacy status will be known and commented on there as well

Clearly you haven't gone to a competitive school. People have better things to talk about than legacy status. Once you are there you have bigger things to worry about than how people got in. The only reason it might come up is if someone is truly well below everyone else academically, to the point of being an outlier. Then people might say "how did they get in here?" But if someone is just minding their own business and not consistently making dumb comments, no one will care.

I went to HYPSM. I knew several legacies. Most were quite smart. They couple that were not were from very wealthy families with a long long line of legacies. Like generations at this school. I still didn't say anything about how they got in there because that would be very rude. I thought it, but kept that thought to myself. Which is exactly what the classmate here should have done.

Kudos for not knowing the distinction between high school seniors in application time and the totally different context of classmates once you are at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

Sure legacies have an advantage in admissions - so in your mind that justifies other kids being rude about it? That’s an odd conclusion to reach

These kids were rude but in the scheme of things that kids that age can be rude about, my goodness. Are egos that fragile? Please recall that these kids are dealing with their own disappointment. Teach your children to be gracious about their victories.

The “rudeness” was pointing out that OP’s DC was a legacy meaning that they had odds in the 1 out of 3 or 4 range while the rejected kids faced 1 out of 100 odds. . .

You need to take an intro stats class. And also an etiquette class. Because bringing something like this up is rude. Full stop.

The fact that so many people are OK with the fact that the rejected kids mentioned it is horrifying. They might be right - one can make a very good argument for that. But to mention it is really low class. I don't see why this is even debatable.

Not PP obviously but most of us have acknowledged the rudeness. Some posters feel that because the kids were rude, nothing else matters. I do not agree — but that’s not the same thing as defending the rudeness itself.

From OP’s description the rudeness was stating a fact, one for my own kid I would hope they wouldn’t vocalize, but the truth nonetheless and I am willing to give grace to both OP’s kid and the rejected one who no doubt said it out of disappointment. Further, if OP’s kid can’t handle it they aren’t well prepared to attend the college they just got into as their legacy status will be known and commented on there as well

Clearly you haven't gone to a competitive school. People have better things to talk about than legacy status. Once you are there you have bigger things to worry about than how people got in. The only reason it might come up is if someone is truly well below everyone else academically, to the point of being an outlier. Then people might say "how did they get in here?" But if someone is just minding their own business and not consistently making dumb comments, no one will care.

I went to HYPSM. I knew several legacies. Most were quite smart. They couple that were not were from very wealthy families with a long long line of legacies. Like generations at this school. I still didn't say anything about how they got in there because that would be very rude. I thought it, but kept that thought to myself. Which is exactly what the classmate here should have done.

Kudos for not knowing the distinction between high school seniors in application time and the totally different context of classmates once you are at college.

That comment added zero value. You are as dumb as the kids who made the low class comments about the other kid being a legacy. No wonder you didn't go to a good school. The village is calling. Its idiot is missing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

Sure legacies have an advantage in admissions - so in your mind that justifies other kids being rude about it? That’s an odd conclusion to reach

These kids were rude but in the scheme of things that kids that age can be rude about, my goodness. Are egos that fragile? Please recall that these kids are dealing with their own disappointment. Teach your children to be gracious about their victories.

The “rudeness” was pointing out that OP’s DC was a legacy meaning that they had odds in the 1 out of 3 or 4 range while the rejected kids faced 1 out of 100 odds. . .

You need to take an intro stats class. And also an etiquette class. Because bringing something like this up is rude. Full stop.

The fact that so many people are OK with the fact that the rejected kids mentioned it is horrifying. They might be right - one can make a very good argument for that. But to mention it is really low class. I don't see why this is even debatable.

Not PP obviously but most of us have acknowledged the rudeness. Some posters feel that because the kids were rude, nothing else matters. I do not agree — but that’s not the same thing as defending the rudeness itself.

From OP’s description the rudeness was stating a fact, one for my own kid I would hope they wouldn’t vocalize, but the truth nonetheless and I am willing to give grace to both OP’s kid and the rejected one who no doubt said it out of disappointment. Further, if OP’s kid can’t handle it they aren’t well prepared to attend the college they just got into as their legacy status will be known and commented on there as well

Clearly you haven't gone to a competitive school. People have better things to talk about than legacy status. Once you are there you have bigger things to worry about than how people got in. The only reason it might come up is if someone is truly well below everyone else academically, to the point of being an outlier. Then people might say "how did they get in here?" But if someone is just minding their own business and not consistently making dumb comments, no one will care.

I went to HYPSM. I knew several legacies. Most were quite smart. They couple that were not were from very wealthy families with a long long line of legacies. Like generations at this school. I still didn't say anything about how they got in there because that would be very rude. I thought it, but kept that thought to myself. Which is exactly what the classmate here should have done.

Kudos for not knowing the distinction between high school seniors in application time and the totally different context of classmates once you are at college.

That comment added zero value. You are as dumb as the kids who made the low class comments about the other kid being a legacy. No wonder you didn't go to a good school. The village is calling. Its idiot is missing.

Glad you can point out when others are dumb or low class.

NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

Sure legacies have an advantage in admissions - so in your mind that justifies other kids being rude about it? That’s an odd conclusion to reach

These kids were rude but in the scheme of things that kids that age can be rude about, my goodness. Are egos that fragile? Please recall that these kids are dealing with their own disappointment. Teach your children to be gracious about their victories.

The “rudeness” was pointing out that OP’s DC was a legacy meaning that they had odds in the 1 out of 3 or 4 range while the rejected kids faced 1 out of 100 odds. . .

You need to take an intro stats class. And also an etiquette class. Because bringing something like this up is rude. Full stop.

The fact that so many people are OK with the fact that the rejected kids mentioned it is horrifying. They might be right - one can make a very good argument for that. But to mention it is really low class. I don't see why this is even debatable.

Not PP obviously but most of us have acknowledged the rudeness. Some posters feel that because the kids were rude, nothing else matters. I do not agree — but that’s not the same thing as defending the rudeness itself.

From OP’s description the rudeness was stating a fact, one for my own kid I would hope they wouldn’t vocalize, but the truth nonetheless and I am willing to give grace to both OP’s kid and the rejected one who no doubt said it out of disappointment. Further, if OP’s kid can’t handle it they aren’t well prepared to attend the college they just got into as their legacy status will be known and commented on there as well

Clearly you haven't gone to a competitive school. People have better things to talk about than legacy status. Once you are there you have bigger things to worry about than how people got in. The only reason it might come up is if someone is truly well below everyone else academically, to the point of being an outlier. Then people might say "how did they get in here?" But if someone is just minding their own business and not consistently making dumb comments, no one will care.

I went to HYPSM. I knew several legacies. Most were quite smart. They couple that were not were from very wealthy families with a long long line of legacies. Like generations at this school. I still didn't say anything about how they got in there because that would be very rude. I thought it, but kept that thought to myself. Which is exactly what the classmate here should have done.

Kudos for not knowing the distinction between high school seniors in application time and the totally different context of classmates once you are at college.

That comment added zero value. You are as dumb as the kids who made the low class comments about the other kid being a legacy. No wonder you didn't go to a good school. The village is calling. Its idiot is missing.

Glad you can point out when others are dumb or low class.

NP

Many of the low class fools in this thread are saying that it is OK to say what we are thinking, even if it is rude. So I am trying that on for size. I didn't particularly like it. I will now return to being kind and respectful. Fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

Sure legacies have an advantage in admissions - so in your mind that justifies other kids being rude about it? That’s an odd conclusion to reach

These kids were rude but in the scheme of things that kids that age can be rude about, my goodness. Are egos that fragile? Please recall that these kids are dealing with their own disappointment. Teach your children to be gracious about their victories.

The “rudeness” was pointing out that OP’s DC was a legacy meaning that they had odds in the 1 out of 3 or 4 range while the rejected kids faced 1 out of 100 odds. . .

You need to take an intro stats class. And also an etiquette class. Because bringing something like this up is rude. Full stop.

The fact that so many people are OK with the fact that the rejected kids mentioned it is horrifying. They might be right - one can make a very good argument for that. But to mention it is really low class. I don't see why this is even debatable.

Not PP obviously but most of us have acknowledged the rudeness. Some posters feel that because the kids were rude, nothing else matters. I do not agree — but that’s not the same thing as defending the rudeness itself.

From OP’s description the rudeness was stating a fact, one for my own kid I would hope they wouldn’t vocalize, but the truth nonetheless and I am willing to give grace to both OP’s kid and the rejected one who no doubt said it out of disappointment. Further, if OP’s kid can’t handle it they aren’t well prepared to attend the college they just got into as their legacy status will be known and commented on there as well

Clearly you haven't gone to a competitive school. People have better things to talk about than legacy status. Once you are there you have bigger things to worry about than how people got in. The only reason it might come up is if someone is truly well below everyone else academically, to the point of being an outlier. Then people might say "how did they get in here?" But if someone is just minding their own business and not consistently making dumb comments, no one will care.

I went to HYPSM. I knew several legacies. Most were quite smart. They couple that were not were from very wealthy families with a long long line of legacies. Like generations at this school. I still didn't say anything about how they got in there because that would be very rude. I thought it, but kept that thought to myself. Which is exactly what the classmate here should have done.

Kudos for not knowing the distinction between high school seniors in application time and the totally different context of classmates once you are at college.

That comment added zero value. You are as dumb as the kids who made the low class comments about the other kid being a legacy. No wonder you didn't go to a good school. The village is calling. Its idiot is missing.

Glad you can point out when others are dumb or low class.

NP

Many of the low class fools in this thread are saying that it is OK to say what we are thinking, even if it is rude. So I am trying that on for size. I didn't particularly like it. I will now return to being kind and respectful. Fool.

So it’s the fault of others? 🧐

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

+1 Why is this confusing? I do not doubt that legacies who get in are generally worthy admits. I also don’t blame anyone for taking advantage of an opportunity available to them.

Just acknowledge it.

Why does anyone need to acknowledge it? Is this required for everyone? “I got in but I had a tutor for math in 9th grade, a private coach for track and my parents could afford to pay for a summer program so that’s why got accepted.” Everyone’s got some advantage over someone else - some are just better than others.

Why wouldn’t you acknowledge it when talking to people who didn’t get in? I’m honestly gobsmacked by this attitude. This would be the first thing I would say, but I really hate lording it over people.

Why do I have total confidence that you apply this only to legacies and not to of the advantages your kids have?

I don’t know? You can’t imagine what it’s like to be someone with humility and concern for other people?

And that’s the only way to show it? You don’t seem to have much concern for the kid by defending the rude ones.

Let me guess you expected minorities to say “yes I only got in because I’m a minority”

No.

Why not? Because it’s rude?

Underrepresented minorities deserve any leg up they get in admissions, and it is still not a level playing field. It is far easier to be a white applicant when you account for a lifetime of advantages.

But you knew that.

But whether it’s “deserved” or not has no bearing on the truth and whether it impacted your admission at the time. So to be consistent if someone came up to them and said something your preferred response would have been to acknowledge it.

And you know that.

These aren’t the same. Legacies start out ahead and then get an extra boost. URMs and FGLI start out behind.

For purposes of this thread it’s exactly the same. Recognizing the boost and being performatively appreciative of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

+1 Why is this confusing? I do not doubt that legacies who get in are generally worthy admits. I also don’t blame anyone for taking advantage of an opportunity available to them.

Just acknowledge it.

Why does anyone need to acknowledge it? Is this required for everyone? “I got in but I had a tutor for math in 9th grade, a private coach for track and my parents could afford to pay for a summer program so that’s why got accepted.” Everyone’s got some advantage over someone else - some are just better than others.

Why wouldn’t you acknowledge it when talking to people who didn’t get in? I’m honestly gobsmacked by this attitude. This would be the first thing I would say, but I really hate lording it over people.

Why do I have total confidence that you apply this only to legacies and not to of the advantages your kids have?

I don’t know? You can’t imagine what it’s like to be someone with humility and concern for other people?

And that’s the only way to show it? You don’t seem to have much concern for the kid by defending the rude ones.

Let me guess you expected minorities to say “yes I only got in because I’m a minority”

No.

Why not? Because it’s rude?

Underrepresented minorities deserve any leg up they get in admissions, and it is still not a level playing field. It is far easier to be a white applicant when you account for a lifetime of advantages.

But you knew that.

But whether it’s “deserved” or not has no bearing on the truth and whether it impacted your admission at the time. So to be consistent if someone came up to them and said something your preferred response would have been to acknowledge it.

And you know that.

These aren’t the same. Legacies start out ahead and then get an extra boost. URMs and FGLI start out behind.

For purposes of this thread it’s exactly the same. Recognizing the boost and being performatively appreciative of it.

Nope. One boost is compensatory. The other is additive and is in no way designed to level the playing field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

Sure legacies have an advantage in admissions - so in your mind that justifies other kids being rude about it? That’s an odd conclusion to reach

These kids were rude but in the scheme of things that kids that age can be rude about, my goodness. Are egos that fragile? Please recall that these kids are dealing with their own disappointment. Teach your children to be gracious about their victories.

The “rudeness” was pointing out that OP’s DC was a legacy meaning that they had odds in the 1 out of 3 or 4 range while the rejected kids faced 1 out of 100 odds. . .

You need to take an intro stats class. And also an etiquette class. Because bringing something like this up is rude. Full stop.

The fact that so many people are OK with the fact that the rejected kids mentioned it is horrifying. They might be right - one can make a very good argument for that. But to mention it is really low class. I don't see why this is even debatable.

Not PP obviously but most of us have acknowledged the rudeness. Some posters feel that because the kids were rude, nothing else matters. I do not agree — but that’s not the same thing as defending the rudeness itself.

From OP’s description the rudeness was stating a fact, one for my own kid I would hope they wouldn’t vocalize, but the truth nonetheless and I am willing to give grace to both OP’s kid and the rejected one who no doubt said it out of disappointment. Further, if OP’s kid can’t handle it they aren’t well prepared to attend the college they just got into as their legacy status will be known and commented on there as well

Clearly you haven't gone to a competitive school. People have better things to talk about than legacy status. Once you are there you have bigger things to worry about than how people got in. The only reason it might come up is if someone is truly well below everyone else academically, to the point of being an outlier. Then people might say "how did they get in here?" But if someone is just minding their own business and not consistently making dumb comments, no one will care.

I went to HYPSM. I knew several legacies. Most were quite smart. They couple that were not were from very wealthy families with a long long line of legacies. Like generations at this school. I still didn't say anything about how they got in there because that would be very rude. I thought it, but kept that thought to myself. Which is exactly what the classmate here should have done.

Kudos for not knowing the distinction between high school seniors in application time and the totally different context of classmates once you are at college.

That comment added zero value. You are as dumb as the kids who made the low class comments about the other kid being a legacy. No wonder you didn't go to a good school. The village is calling. Its idiot is missing.

Glad you can point out when others are dumb or low class.

NP

Many of the low class fools in this thread are saying that it is OK to say what we are thinking, even if it is rude. So I am trying that on for size. I didn't particularly like it. I will now return to being kind and respectful. Fool.

For myself, I am simply understanding that these are 17 year old kids, dealing with huge stress and disappointment. Nothing in OP's post suggests the comment "oh but your parents went there" was intentionally malicious or followed by any statements claiming that the applicant wasn't smart and deserving. It sounds like OP's kid was excitedly reporting his ED success to kids who had not been as lucky as he was. Give these kids a break on both sides. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the legacies I know who were rejected were more than qualified. One example: friends who are double legacy at Harvard, all three kids are at Yale instead because they didn't get into Harvard. All the legacies I know rejected from their parents school ended up at an equally elite school - so yes, those kids were qualified for the legacy school. I just don't think it's as easy as as "oh, she got in because of legacy, or she didn't get in because they didn't donate."

Legacy doesn't mean a guaranteed admit. Legacy does mean that the applicant is hooked, which is another way of saying the applicant is considered more favorably than those who lack a hook. Once you have the general stats for admission, would you rather be considered in the massive pile of applications where it is essentially a lottery OR would you rather be considered with a smaller pile of ones that are getting more time, a second look, more reasons for someone to champion your acceptance, etc?

The smaller pile, of course. I guess my point is that even in that smaller pile, it's competitive and not an easy admit. Lots of qualified legacies who are rejected and later end up at other HYPS.

Yes, enjoy arguing with yourself as no one is saying it’s easy to get into an elite university. They’re just saying it’s easier to get into an elite university as a legacy, which is not the same thing as it being easy

+1 Why is this confusing? I do not doubt that legacies who get in are generally worthy admits. I also don’t blame anyone for taking advantage of an opportunity available to them.

Just acknowledge it.

Why does anyone need to acknowledge it? Is this required for everyone? “I got in but I had a tutor for math in 9th grade, a private coach for track and my parents could afford to pay for a summer program so that’s why got accepted.” Everyone’s got some advantage over someone else - some are just better than others.

Why wouldn’t you acknowledge it when talking to people who didn’t get in? I’m honestly gobsmacked by this attitude. This would be the first thing I would say, but I really hate lording it over people.

Why do I have total confidence that you apply this only to legacies and not to of the advantages your kids have?

I don’t know? You can’t imagine what it’s like to be someone with humility and concern for other people?

And that’s the only way to show it? You don’t seem to have much concern for the kid by defending the rude ones.

Let me guess you expected minorities to say “yes I only got in because I’m a minority”

No.

Why not? Because it’s rude?

Underrepresented minorities deserve any leg up they get in admissions, and it is still not a level playing field. It is far easier to be a white applicant when you account for a lifetime of advantages.

But you knew that.

But whether it’s “deserved” or not has no bearing on the truth and whether it impacted your admission at the time. So to be consistent if someone came up to them and said something your preferred response would have been to acknowledge it.

And you know that.

These aren’t the same. Legacies start out ahead and then get an extra boost. URMs and FGLI start out behind.

For purposes of this thread it’s exactly the same. Recognizing the boost and being performatively appreciative of it.

Nope. One boost is compensatory. The other is additive and is in no way designed to level the playing field.

That’s a motivation for the boost. But both are boosts and the logic of the forum demands both be acknowledged every time