TALK ME OUT OF IT! Thinking About Seducing a Friend...

[Anonymous]

So we've been friends off and on for decades. Through marriages, divorces, etc. We fooled around a bit but never went all the way years ago before either of us were married. Now we've reconnected and tht underlying interest is there. He's the one who got away and vice versa. So he's kinda seeing someone but not sure. Kinda flirts with me.

Well it's been a while and I'm feeling a bit horny. I'm considering taking our flirting to the next level. I just want to satisfy my sexual longings. And he happens to be someone I know/trust. I don't want to just lie down with a stranger I meet in the club.

But I'm worried about ruining the friendship. What if out of guilt he just ignores me out and moves on with the new chick?

If he says hey this sex thing is great, let's take this to the next stage, stop playing around and be a couple, I would.

It's losing my friend that I'm worried about.

PLEASE TALK ME OUT OF THIS before I ruin a 20+ year friendship.

Yes, he's expressed interest, sexual and otherwise. But that was before taking up with whoever he's dating. But even now he responds to my flirting in kind.

[Anonymous]

Go ahead. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Dating someone else or in a relationship as in she is his girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Let him get over his current fling and then go for it. No need to muddy a situation unnecessarily. Also, only do this if you are absolutely willing to lose this friend. Because if it doesn't work out, you almost certainly will.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. I would never talk you out of it.

[Anonymous]

He could be fantastic in bed and your soulmate. Or he could be a really lousy lay, which would take out all the romantic feelings you have. Only one way to find out.

[Anonymous]

This sounds perfect, easy, and the ideal way to start a relationship. Ehy should we talk you out of it? Go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But I'm worried about ruining the friendship. What if out of guilt he just ignores me out and moves on with the new chick?

Until you both decide either that there is nothing there or to be a couple there will always be the threat of the 20 year friendship changing. If he gets serious about a girlfriend no way would she be cool with unrequited lust and sexual tension with his BFF. So either on his own or with encouragement of his girlfriend, he may start spending less time with you - especially if you seem more into him than he is into you. Same other way around, if you get tired of waiting around for him to want to date you and you meet a guy that you really like and start to get serious with, he won't be cool with you lusting after your best guy friend.

Are you sure it's not laziness that you don't want to have to date new people and go thru getting to know them? Do you and this guy really have what it takes to be a long term romantic couple and if so, why did he start dating someone new when you were both were free to date? My advice is seducing him is a BS move like saying I was sooooo drunk and made out with so and so and if doesn't work out you can use alcohol as an excuse. He needs to make a actual decision that he wants to make an effort to have a romantic relationship with you not fall into sex/be seduced by you while he is dating someone else. You want to be a priority to him not an option and you don't want to be in a messy triangle where you don't know if you are the side chick, the FWB etc. He can make a decision if what he has with you is worth taking it to the next level (and not continue dating the current person) or if he prefers to be with the one he is dating. You may not like the answer, but at least you will know if you are free to move on romantically and not hang around hoping to get a romantic scrap.

[Anonymous]

If he's really serious about the other woman he wouldn't be flirting with you. There are plenty of friends who periodically sleep together and remain friends even if no LTR develops. For a couple of years I had a f___ buddy who was a good friend and we'd travel together or just be each other's dates. The sex was always fun and very physical but that's all it was. I've been happily married for 15 years and we are still friends but there is never an inkling for a renewal. We're just friends.

[Anonymous]

You think you can start a relationship with someone by having sex with them. No offensebut if he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. Know what I mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating someone else or in a relationship as in she is his girlfriend?

He said that he's dating. After a night of serious flirting with me (telling me that I looked very sexy when he saw me--we hadn't seen each other in over a year--asking if I was seeing anyone, then asking if I could see us together) I started to seriously consider a relationship with him for the first time in our 20+ year friendship (He'd been FRIENDZONED to the death!) so I decided to ask him exactly what he meant by he "dates". In a game of Yes/No questions (because he wasn't opening up) I was able to pry out that he's been seeing just one woman and she does consider herself his girlfriend. It was so painful that I decided to leave it at that. After all, that's really all I needed to know. He did say he wasn't sure she's the one he wanted to be with. Not sure on anything else, like how long he's been seeing her, name, age occupation. Anything. It was really painful getting that tidbit.

This after he insisted on knowing EVERYTHING about the guy he thought I was seeing. (And I would've gladly told him everything if I had been seeing someone.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him get over his current fling and then go for it. No need to muddy a situation unnecessarily. Also, only do this if you are absolutely willing to lose this friend. Because if it doesn't work out, you almost certainly will.

Thank you! For a second I was wondering what the heck is happening on DCURBAN today with so many people telling me to go for it. Like, is my sarcasm detector broken or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But I'm worried about ruining the friendship. What if out of guilt he just ignores me out and moves on with the new chick?

Until you both decide either that there is nothing there or to be a couple there will always be the threat of the 20 year friendship changing. If he gets serious about a girlfriend no way would she be cool with unrequited lust and sexual tension with his BFF. So either on his own or with encouragement of his girlfriend, he may start spending less time with you - especially if you seem more into him than he is into you. Same other way around, if you get tired of waiting around for him to want to date you and you meet a guy that you really like and start to get serious with, he won't be cool with you lusting after your best guy friend.

Are you sure it's not laziness that you don't want to have to date new people and go thru getting to know them? Do you and this guy really have what it takes to be a long term romantic couple and if so, why did he start dating someone new when you were both were free to date? My advice is seducing him is a BS move like saying I was sooooo drunk and made out with so and so and if doesn't work out you can use alcohol as an excuse. He needs to make a actual decision that he wants to make an effort to have a romantic relationship with you not fall into sex/be seduced by you while he is dating someone else. You want to be a priority to him not an option and you don't want to be in a messy triangle where you don't know if you are the side chick, the FWB etc. He can make a decision if what he has with you is worth taking it to the next level (and not continue dating the current person) or if he prefers to be with the one he is dating. You may not like the answer, but at least you will know if you are free to move on romantically and not hang around hoping to get a romantic scrap.

It's not laziness. It's pure horniness. I'm definitely opening to meeting a nice guy and dating. But he's not here yet. However, my hormones are. And so is this buddy of mine.

Timing just never worked for us. When we were young and fooling around, I wasn't interested in marrying right out of college. He was, and that's exactly what he did. I moved on, married a bit later. Then we were both single. At that time he asked me about becoming a couple but I was dealing with a situation. In the time it took me to deal with that situation (more than a year), he met someone else. During that time it was brief Happy birthday/holiday texts. Then, I saw him recently. That's when he was clearly like "WHOA! Looking good!" and asked me again about the possibility of becoming a couple. That's when I decided I needed to know more about his "dating" situation first. Now here we are.

Anyway, thanks for the thoughtful reply. He's trustworthy, low hanging fruit in terms of why I'd want to screw him. It's just to satisfy a temporary itch. I haven't had any in over a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think you can start a relationship with someone by having sex with them. No offensebut if he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. Know what I mean?

Yup! I know what you mean, but I'm sure you've gathered from my other responses that I've been the one to keep things in the friend zone. He's asked at each stage of our lives that it was possible for us to be together. Only now do I consider him as possibly more than a friend.

[Anonymous]

Bump those uglies, honey. He could be your soulmate. You won't know unless you have sex. If you don't, for the rest of your life you'll wonder, What if . . .?