Reconnecting with an old AP

[Anonymous]

Okay I fully expect to be slammed, but here goes ...

It's been a little over three years since it ended, but I still think about her every day. She deleted her throwaway e-mail (as did I, which I regret), so I'm at a loss for a way to contact her in a discreet way.

I've thought about messaging her on Facebook, or tracking down another e-mail, just to send a simple hello and see if it goes anywhere. But even with something innocuous, I'm afraid of the risk.

Any ideas on ways to reach out without raising a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Why do you think about her so much? What was it?

[Anonymous]

A private message on Facebook or something like that might be the safest. If you're not friends she might not get it though. I'd probably make it sound like you're trying to reconnect with an old friend or coworker or something in case her DH has access to her account. That way she has an out.

Why did you break up? What makes you think she'd welcome contact?

Whatever you do, don't come on strong or be overtly sexual in your email.

[Anonymous]

Go for it. The women on DCUM really didn't t care much for sex at all (just read the last 3 pages of the business trip thread).

Is there a phone number or other communication means you can dig up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think about her so much? What was it?

Because she was everything - beautiful, funny, smart, and sexy. We had this wonderful connection, and she felt perfect in my arms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think about her so much? What was it?

Because she was everything - beautiful, funny, smart, and sexy. We had this wonderful connection, and she felt perfect in my arms.

How tall was she? Just wondering about the "fit perfect in my arms" line

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think about her so much? What was it?

Because she was everything - beautiful, funny, smart, and sexy. We had this wonderful connection, and she felt perfect in my arms.

Impossible! You are hopelessly flawed!

Signed,
Women of DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A private message on Facebook or something like that might be the safest. If you're not friends she might not get it though. I'd probably make it sound like you're trying to reconnect with an old friend or coworker or something in case her DH has access to her account. That way she has an out.

Why did you break up? What makes you think she'd welcome contact?

Whatever you do, don't come on strong or be overtly sexual in your email.

This seems like the "safest" route, and I've thought about it like 100 times, but stop short just before pulling the trigger. And definitely a simple hello, hope you're well, and if she responds, great. If not, there's my answer.

I don't really know if she'd welcome contact, which is part of the reason I haven't reached out. I don't want to freak her out, and I have no desire at all to complicate her life. But at the same time, I miss her.

[Anonymous]

The safest way to contact her is to create a burner email, with the burner email in a girl's name, in case her husband sees it first. The email references an inside joke, or pet name or secret so she knows its you.

The bigger question, why did it end? If she broke up with you, leave it alone.

I assume you are thinking of her because your wife is rejecting you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The safest way to contact her is to create a burner email, with the burner email in a girl's name, in case her husband sees it first. The email references an inside joke, or pet name or secret so she knows its you.

The bigger question, why did it end? If she broke up with you, leave it alone.

I assume you are thinking of her because your wife is rejecting you?

Actually, I've never stopped thinking of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think about her so much? What was it?

Because she was everything - beautiful, funny, smart, and sexy. We had this wonderful connection, and she felt perfect in my arms.

How tall was she? Just wondering about the "fit perfect in my arms" line

Adorably petite. And that's all I'll say.

[Anonymous]

OP, why and how did it end?

What's your current situation? Wife? Kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why and how did it end?

What's your current situation? Wife? Kids?

I don't want to get too specific, but it was sudden and unexpected, with only a vague reason given. Like I said, I actually don't know if she would welcome contact, and I don't want to upset her, but ...

And my situation is the same as it was when we were together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why and how did it end?

What's your current situation? Wife? Kids?

I don't want to get too specific, but it was sudden and unexpected, with only a vague reason given. Like I said, I actually don't know if she would welcome contact, and I don't want to upset her, but ...

And my situation is the same as it was when we were together.

That's different. If she ended it, leave it alone. I thought it was mutual or something. If she ended it vaguely and deleted you, she did that for a reason. I wouldn't be happy if someone tracked me down after that.

[Anonymous]

She ended it. If she wanted to contact you she would have found you.

Its harder always for the person on the receiving end of an aborted affair but you have to accept it and move on, or not accept it but move on anyway.