Adult Anger in Women..Question
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Anonymous
| Be honest: When you have a full on argument with a spouse, SO, or even a friend, what does your anger look like and how often does it happen? Tantrums, cursing, silent treatment, passive aggressive, just yelling, or a little of the above? Are adult tantrums normal, or is it about length and/or quality/quantity? |
Anonymous
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I yell a bit and then I cry. It's terrible-- but whenever I am swept with emotions it comes out as tears. Same if I am really happy.
Embarrassing. |
Anonymous
| I usually communicate in a straightforward, assertive manner when I'm pissed about something, but sometimes I get so upset that I cry. Like PP said, I usually cry when I'm overwhelmed with any emotion. |
Anonymous
|
I have a totally irrational meltdown once every 2 or 3 years. I know I'm being irrational, but then think, "well, I've already gone full on crazy, I might as well ride this train all the way to the station."
The rest of the time, we barely fight. Just typical eye roll stuff once a month. |
Anonymous
| My head starts spinning and I can't quite see straight, and have a hard time talking. I stammer a few times before blurting out some version of what is pissing me off and walk away. I need some time to calm down and think through the issue, then I can have a calm and frank conversation about it. |
Anonymous
^^Forgot to say, this is about once every three or four years. Usually I just take a deep breath and say "wait, no. This is really important to me and I need you to hear my point of view." Luckily DH and most of my friends aren't big yellers either, so this is usually enough. |
Anonymous
| Crying |
Anonymous
| I don't swear, but I yell and sometimes shake with anger and frustration. I can be mean. |
Anonymous
| I VERY rarely get angry at DH. It's more that I vent to him about something else I'm angry about in which case I often yell and curse the situation. I would not say I have temper tantrums, ever. When I get angry at DH I sometimes get loud (I'm Italian) but I'm over it quickly. When we were first together and I was in my early 20's I was passive aggressive (I once borrowed a friend's Bedazzler and Bedazzled DH's favorite jeans when I was angry at him). Luckily I grew up. |
Anonymous
| I don't curse during arguments, but will yell, speak pointedly, and leave the room abruptly to cool off. Or, I did all that when I was still married and working full time +, raising a kid with a spouse who chose not to be around much, and trying to figure out what was up with a disconnected spouse (affair). Now that I just work full time, take care of a household of one adult and a half time kid, and live my life I rarely get angry. |
Anonymous
| When my DW is angry she takes on this incredibly determined look. If I'm not helping her with something I can hear the extra commotion she creates from doing it herself. We rarely argue and I've learned to say "whatever makes you happy" when she wants to initiate a house project. FWIW we've been married over 30 years so I'm very well trained. |
Anonymous
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I am not an arguer, I refuse to argue with other people. I have been like this for the past 15-20 years (I am 47). We can talk and discuss and agree to disagree, but I am not going to argue with you because you are allowed to have your opinion even if it is different than mine.
That being said, my husband and I disagree and talk about stuff we disagree on and either he sees my point of view or I see his and we move on from there or we agree to disagree and come up with a compromise if necessary. There are definite rules of engagement when we talk about things such as, do not let things fester and build up, say what needs to be said as soon as possible, do not disrespect the other person (no name calling, cussing, condesention, etc.), give the other person space to calm down, think, or get themselves together if necessary (this can be a few minutes or a few hours, but not overnight), do not go to sleep angry... work it out, at least come to a point where both parties are no longer emotional. |
Anonymous
You would think more people would get this. |
Anonymous
|
(1) I do not have arguments with friends or coworkers, this only happens with my spouse
(2) In the past I have gone full on crazy, breaking things, swearing, screaming, etc. For this I sought professional psychiatric help (3) I learned that I was a. depressed and b. dealing with issues related to childhood abuse and c. my spouse, in the arguments, was doing a lot of really enraging stuff such as denying or minimizing my legitimate concerns, twisting my words around, accusing me of being hyper-emotional, etc (4) These days, I *rarely* get mad, and when I do it is because of 3c. I call my spouse on whatever he is doing and usually storm out of the room and go be alone and cry. Later we discuss it more rationally. Adults should not be having regular "tantrums." It's part of being an adult. If it's a regular thing the person needs to seek help. |
Anonymous
| I just get snippy. If I'm really angry about something I might cry, but that is very rare. Neither me or DH are yellers or tantrum-havers. |