What to say in letter to biological mom?
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Anonymous
| I recently discovered the identity of my biological mother (I'm adopted). I also found her current address, and I would like to send a letter. What is the best way to frame this? It's possible her husband doesn't know she gave a child up for adoption, and he could be the one to open the letter, so I was thinking of writing something very vague, like--doing genealogical research, think we might be related, give my birth year and place, then my email if she wants to contact. Does this sound like a sufficiently sensitive approach? |
Anonymous
| "My name is Larla Larlason. I was born on July 1, 1980 in Detroit Michigan and was adopted by a very loving family who I love very much. I have always been curious about my birth parents. The ABC Adoption agency has given me information that indicates that you may be my biological mother. I hope this letter is welcome and that we might get to know each other. Please feel free to write to me. Sincerely, Larla Larlason." |
Anonymous
|
No need to mince words, OP, at such a remove. She'll either contact you or not.
I like the Larlason touch! |
Anonymous
| My husband called when he got contact info for his birth mother. He left a message saying that they were old friends who met on a particular date (his birthday). She called him back right away and the message he left with her brother was vague enough in case she had not told others about him. He had a relationship with her until her death. She never had any other kids and was so grateful he found her. |
Anonymous
I agree w this approach. You have no idea what the situation is on her end so why be so direct. Could backfire. Also, have zero expectations going in to this. |
Anonymous
| I like the old friend approach. It could work in a letter. |
Anonymous
If her current family does not know about you and someone else reads this letter it could open up a huge can of worms. |
Anonymous
She hasn't forgotten the date, i promise. Say you are old friends who met on 1/1/80 in Detroit. If thus is the correct Larla and you'd like to get in touch again, you can reach me at XYZ at your convenience. |
Anonymous
| I think the geneology approach is a good one...just say you're researching your family, you think you might be related, give your info and contact info in case she wants to contact you to talk about "family history." The old friend approach is OK too, but really, what old friend is going to remember the exact date they met someone? That could potentially raise alarms. Family history is the way to go IMO. |
Anonymous
| My uncle sent a letter of this nature to his birthmother, who was 16 years older. He never heard back. That took a while for him to process. |
Anonymous
| I gave a child up for adoption and that was the end of any relationship. This was a child conceived in a brutal rape and abortion was not an option as I was under age 18 and parents did not believe in abortion. Please do not do this. You have been given a good life and you have no right to mess up her life. |
Anonymous
As an adoptive parent of a 4yo this made me cry PP. My daughter was also conceived from an assault. I pray that if she wants to reach our to her birth mother that she will be open to at least meeting. Would you never like to see the child you gave up and just see how they are doing? I am not judging your choices I am trying to understand. |
Anonymous
I'm hoping you have a traditional closed adoption, where your info in unattainable. If not, it is the child's RIGHT to find you when they reach adulthood. |
Anonymous
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can you handle the fact that you mother may want nothing to do with you.
Are you mentally prepared for this type of a crushing blow? to be kicked out of her life a second time. I would not look for my birth parents...just for this very reason.... the risks outweigh the rewards... |
Anonymous
Absolutely. If your parents didn't request a closed adoption, you still may be found. Although my cousin also had a closed adoption & her North child was able to get her info (due to the wonders of the internet & the powers of an ambitiously sleuthful PI) & her child was able to get in touch with her, which she was thrilled about, since her parents also requested a closed adoption & she had no day in the matter being a minor. I hope you will not shun your child PP, they didn't ask to be conceived (especially from something as hideously awful as a rape, I'm so, so very sorry), however they will have natural curiosities & you have to expect to be found one day. I hope if & when that day comes, you can welcome this innocent child with open arms, rather than see the monster that conceived it. ((((( hugs to you, PP & the OP ))))) |