Venting: you have treated your kids like kings since birth, now you wonder why he is so spoiled???

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is constantly complaining to me about how badly behaved her 3 sons are and I just have to bite my tongue and blame "terrible 2s" or "other kids at school" but honestly? Why do some people raise their kids without ever setting boundaries or holding them accountable for anything and not when their kids are 3, 6 and 9 she wonders why they are such disrespectful little shits. For this particular friend, I realize that part of this is cultural but now as she's pregnant again and the stress is getting to her, I wish she and her husband would realize that they created these little brats. Not only with this friend but I know other people who have literally never told their kid "no". So when I had the audacity to tell this 7 year old not to climb up the built in shelves in my living room, he completely lost his shit. Screaming and crying to the point that he started throwing up. I just looked at him. Ugh I see it all the time with friends' kids, family member and strangers in public. Just a vent since I can't tell these people this in real life.

[Anonymous]

The way I handle children like that is that I establish "house rules" in our house. Like you, I tell them "Those are the rules in this house." When they tantrum, I call their parents and explain that their child is having a problem following our house rules and ask that they care for their child. It usually at least gets the parents explaining that there are rules in other people's houses.

The one time I had an issue was when I told a child that he could not do something. I think I said "No climbing" or "No feet on the couch". When the child tantrumed, the mother actually told me the problem was that I had said "No". They had never said "No." to their child. I was astonished and just told the mother that unfortunately, my house rules were set and even my children were not allowed to do those things. I left it for the mother to sort out. Fortunately, they were only acquaintances and haven't been back.

[Anonymous]

I've seen similar behavior too, but not so much because the kids were never told "no", but because these kids need parents involvement often and parents are just too tired to "play" all the time. They just let them do whatever they do to entertain themselves because if pretty exhausting to play with them and find things for them to do. They might also be more energetic and usually left to come up with things to do by themselves.
My sister has a good way of redirecting any kid's attention to doing things rather than breaking thing. I on the other hand always wondered why the kids don't just behave, how hard can it be! Well, I was a kid when I thought so. Now I'm more into getting them to do something different and keeping them out of my closet and off my couch.
I've hardly even said "no" to my kid. He usually gets in trouble when he is bored and wants attention. It has been exhausting to keep him busy every minute, but he is 3 now and school is getting closer.
Have to tell you that I haven't even seen this bad behavior a lot. I just remember that my 2 cousins were crazy kids and even beat my older shelf up one time. They turned out ok. Maybe they got beat at school by other kids, not sure.
Why don't you not have those kids over if they drive you crazy. Treating kids like kings seemed to go with involved parents. Those kids sound like they are high energy with not involved parents. By involved I mean they sit down with them to play games, play hide and seek, go to parks, museums, zoo.
Why can't you tell your friend her kids misbehave?

[Anonymous]

You have no empathy for the parent even though the kid threw up when you told him no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no empathy for the parent even though the kid threw up when you told him no?

The kid realizes his parents don't care enough Bout him to discipline him. Of course he was sickened.

[Anonymous]

Frustrates me too, op. I have no problem discipline other people's kids if the parents refuse to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no empathy for the parent even though the kid threw up when you told him no?

NP. If the parents don't set proper boundaries and have created a child who barfs when told "no," then they don't get any sympathy.

[Anonymous]

My friends kid is like this. Gets treated like a little princess who can't do any wrong. Even when she tells him off she always adds 'Don't worry, you are not in trouble.' Drives me mad.

[Anonymous]

It's American parenting. Kids in other countries are expected to entertain themselves and be more low key than American kids. Kids here always have to be at the forefront of EVERYTHING. It's exhausting. Americans think their kids are so well-behaved if the kid says "excuse me" when they interrupt two adults talking but in other cultures a kid would never think to interrupt two adults talking unless he needed to be taken to the hospital or some other emergency.

[Anonymous]

Cultural? Boys? Are they Indian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's American parenting. Kids in other countries are expected to entertain themselves and be more low key than American kids. Kids here always have to be at the forefront of EVERYTHING. It's exhausting. Americans think their kids are so well-behaved if the kid says "excuse me" when they interrupt two adults talking but in other cultures a kid would never think to interrupt two adults talking unless he needed to be taken to the hospital or some other emergency.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cultural? Boys? Are they Indian?

This applies to most Asian, Indian and African cultures to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, sounds miserable. I too fault the parents, but I understand not every kid is as responsive as mine was. I was either very lucky or very good with parenting. If it was the latter, my advise would be 'no is the first word you teach a child or a pet or anyone.' No harshness, just yes ok, or no not okay. And if you don't know if the answer is yes or no, you tell them when you'll know (time or data gathering) and stick with it. Anything less than clarity is not trustworthy.

[Anonymous]

How did the parents of the 7 year old in the OP react? Were they pissed at you?

[Anonymous]

In general, children of this generation don't respect anything - nice thingns, places of business, other people dining in restaurants, quiet places, etc.

If you aren't going to use "no" at least teach respect. For example, if my children are misbehaving in any store I say "this is a place of business, people work here, you need to show some respect."
If we are in someone's house "they work hard to keep their house nice, treat their home and their thing with respect."
At the library, "people here are trying to learn, study, enjoy their books, don't yell and run through like it's your playroom."

In general, parents of young children think the world belongs to them. They are entitled and selfish. I didnt and don't parent that way. Even. Three year old can understand these concepts, the fact a seven year old doesn't is just sad.