Venting: you have treated your kids like kings since birth, now you wonder why he is so spoiled???

[Anonymous]

I know parents who confuse developmentally normal behaviors with acceptable behaviors. A little girl (2 or 3) on a playground was out of hand aggressive. Hitting, pulling hair, scratching, pushing. Mom did nothing, and I saw her actually look away when it happened. My friend approached her about it saying "hey, your kid is really hurting other kids here." The mom responded that it's fine because everything her child is doing is developmentally normal, she's just exploring boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a restaurant where the parents were letting their kids roam and run. Twice two different waiters asked them to return to their seats so they didn't get stepped or spilled on. Finally the manager (I believe) asked the parents to reign them in. Their response? We don't believe in saying "no" as we like to let them self-regulate. WTF kind of nonsense BS is that? 3-6 year olds can't self-regulate! He told them the kids would need to remain seated or they'd need to leave as it was a hazard. The mom literally went to the kids and said, "that man says you must sit in your seats, so let's go. Tell him you're upset with this not me!"

I have a friend who is an ES school teacher and she said most kids today have never heard "no." They also talk back much more than kids did years ago, according to her. They've been brought up to think they're the best and most important.

This is such BS. Of course most kids have heard "no". Your friend is, like members of every generation before her, someone who likes to be crotchety about the next generation. Our parents' generation thought we were spoiled brats, their parents thought they were spoiled brats. The first kids who got to live in a house instead of a cave were spoiled brats. There have always been some terrible parents. There always will be. Honestly, I'd be more inclined to argue that kids of yesteryear were more inclined to be little shits. Think about it: this concept of obsessive parenting is fairly new. 50 years ago, parents didn't give a shit about parenting or teaching lessons. They cared about kids surviving. Sure, that meant yelling "no" more to make sure your kid didn't do something that killed them. But when you had people living in one-room thatch homes with 6 kids, manning the fields for their very survival, do you think anyone was actively teaching their kids manners? Sure, there was an upper class contingency in Victorian times that would have stressed this. But that wouldn't have been the norm. Stop romanticizing the past.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally understand you when you say this is a "cultural" thing. Wife and I grew up in China and in that culture, grandparents are heavily involved in child-rearing especially with two working parents (the fact that there was the one-child policy doesn't help). And with grandparents, you know what happens. Even though my in-law has the time and ability, my wife and I made an explicit point to not have them take care of our child and send our child to daycare instead. We know for a fact that the grandparent will spoil our kid so much it'll become one of those "little emperors" that are so common in China due to the one child policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a restaurant where the parents were letting their kids roam and run. Twice two different waiters asked them to return to their seats so they didn't get stepped or spilled on. Finally the manager (I believe) asked the parents to reign them in. Their response? We don't believe in saying "no" as we like to let them self-regulate. WTF kind of nonsense BS is that? 3-6 year olds can't self-regulate! He told them the kids would need to remain seated or they'd need to leave as it was a hazard. The mom literally went to the kids and said, "that man says you must sit in your seats, so let's go. Tell him you're upset with this not me!"

I have a friend who is an ES school teacher and she said most kids today have never heard "no." They also talk back much more than kids did years ago, according to her. They've been brought up to think they're the best and most important.

This is such BS. Of course most kids have heard "no". Your friend is, like members of every generation before her, someone who likes to be crotchety about the next generation. Our parents' generation thought we were spoiled brats, their parents thought they were spoiled brats. The first kids who got to live in a house instead of a cave were spoiled brats. There have always been some terrible parents. There always will be. Honestly, I'd be more inclined to argue that kids of yesteryear were more inclined to be little shits. Think about it: this concept of obsessive parenting is fairly new. 50 years ago, parents didn't give a shit about parenting or teaching lessons. They cared about kids surviving. Sure, that meant yelling "no" more to make sure your kid didn't do something that killed them. But when you had people living in one-room thatch homes with 6 kids, manning the fields for their very survival, do you think anyone was actively teaching their kids manners? Sure, there was an upper class contingency in Victorian times that would have stressed this. But that wouldn't have been the norm. Stop romanticizing the past.

My friend who is a teacher is 35, not 55. She's at a private school now and likes it much more than when she was at a public school. The public school kids were total nightmares, according to her. Very entitled, talked back, and threw tantrums when told no. She said she'd expect the opposite when comparing public vs. private school. They have classroom iPads and when iPad time was over, she had a boy (10 year old), smack her with her iPad because he didn't want to stop using it. When he was sent to the Principal and his mom was contacted, her response was, "that's why we don't let him have screen time at home."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cultural? Boys? Are they Indian?

This applies to most Asian, Indian and African cultures to be honest.

You are yet to meet a single African child, am I right?
They're the exact opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cultural? Boys? Are they Indian?

This applies to most Asian, Indian and African cultures to be honest.

You are yet to meet a single African child, am I right?
They're the exact opposite.

Agree. The African children I know are respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cultural? Boys? Are they Indian?

This applies to most Asian, Indian and African cultures to be honest.

You are yet to meet a single African child, am I right?
They're the exact opposite.

Agree. The African children I know are respectful.

Maybe, but specifically Ethiopians are often very lax with giving kids boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't stand moms who let their kids act like brats and think it is okay. Working moms are like this a lot, they feel guilty that they aren't about as much and so they allow their child to act up and treat them like kings/queens

Omg, sure, it is the working moms.

I have seen both working moms and sahms do this. It is not a working mom vs sahm mom thing. It is when people take the whole idea of positive discipline too far and forget the discipline part. I actually dread meeting our friends for dinner because they let thier son act up so much it makes it impossible for mine to behave. I spend the entire time correcting mine to keep seated while this other kid is hopping, jumping, standing on the seats, etc. and that is with a sahm mom with background in early childhood education.

but I admit, I treat my kid llike a person. I do not buy the whole concept that kids are only to speak when spoken to. It goes hand in hand with women being subservient to men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who is constantly complaining to me about how badly behaved her 3 sons are and I just have to bite my tongue and blame "terrible 2s" or "other kids at school" but honestly? Why do some people raise their kids without ever setting boundaries or holding them accountable for anything and not when their kids are 3, 6 and 9 she wonders why they are such disrespectful little shits. For this particular friend, I realize that part of this is cultural but now as she's pregnant again and the stress is getting to her, I wish she and her husband would realize that they created these little brats. Not only with this friend but I know other people who have literally never told their kid "no". So when I had the audacity to tell this 7 year old not to climb up the built in shelves in my living room, he completely lost his shit. Screaming and crying to the point that he started throwing up. I just looked at him. Ugh I see it all the time with friends' kids, family member and strangers in public. Just a vent since I can't tell these people this in real life.

Cut off the friendship.

I have.

Who has time for that crap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cultural? Boys? Are they Indian?

This applies to most Asian, Indian and African cultures to be honest.

You are yet to meet a single African child, am I right?
They're the exact opposite.

Agree. The African children I know are respectful.

Maybe, but specifically Ethiopians are often very lax with giving kids boundaries

Most of my African students have parents who are ON them. I had a problem with a Nigerian boy who didn't respect women, however. They switched him out of my class and gave him to a male teacher b/c I refused to cater to him. But he was an anomaly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a restaurant where the parents were letting their kids roam and run. Twice two different waiters asked them to return to their seats so they didn't get stepped or spilled on. Finally the manager (I believe) asked the parents to reign them in. Their response? We don't believe in saying "no" as we like to let them self-regulate. WTF kind of nonsense BS is that? 3-6 year olds can't self-regulate! He told them the kids would need to remain seated or they'd need to leave as it was a hazard. The mom literally went to the kids and said, "that man says you must sit in your seats, so let's go. Tell him you're upset with this not me!"

I have a friend who is an ES school teacher and she said most kids today have never heard "no." They also talk back much more than kids did years ago, according to her. They've been brought up to think they're the best and most important.

This is such BS. Of course most kids have heard "no". Your friend is, like members of every generation before her, someone who likes to be crotchety about the next generation. Our parents' generation thought we were spoiled brats, their parents thought they were spoiled brats. The first kids who got to live in a house instead of a cave were spoiled brats. There have always been some terrible parents. There always will be. Honestly, I'd be more inclined to argue that kids of yesteryear were more inclined to be little shits. Think about it: this concept of obsessive parenting is fairly new. 50 years ago, parents didn't give a shit about parenting or teaching lessons. They cared about kids surviving. Sure, that meant yelling "no" more to make sure your kid didn't do something that killed them. But when you had people living in one-room thatch homes with 6 kids, manning the fields for their very survival, do you think anyone was actively teaching their kids manners? Sure, there was an upper class contingency in Victorian times that would have stressed this. But that wouldn't have been the norm. Stop romanticizing the past.

50 years ago I was born, and my Italian parents made SURE I behaved.


As a teacher who's been around the block many times, however, this generation is definitely a "me" generation. Many think we'll be bending over backward for them, and they haven't learned "no." Nor do they understand boundaries.

So yes, times HAVE changed. And those of us who were reared properly years ago can see the difference.

[j2415]

While I was reading your post, I remember my son when he was young, when his friends come over to our house, they know my rules like no running inside the house and they are allowed to play only in the basement. If my son is invited to come to his friend’s house, I told him to respect their rules too.
For us parents, it’s a challenge for us to discipline our children. Good values take a long time to develop and the best people to convey them are the parents by practicing good examples, showing them what to do and how to act. It’s true that we should start to discipline our children at their young age, when they are ready to accept and understand instruction. The Bible also says that we should train them the way they should go and when they are old, they will not depart from it. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

I can't be the only one who thought (based on title) that this was a rant re: a man OP was dating who is a mommas boy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit I spoiled my kids their whole lives and now they take everything I do for them as adults for granted.

If I could, I would have been much more strict as they now do not seem grateful for all I do.

They've always lived on Easy Street.

This is why not everyone should be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't stand moms who let their kids act like brats and think it is okay. Working moms are like this a lot, they feel guilty that they aren't about as much and so they allow their child to act up and treat them like kings/queens

It's funny. I think it is much more a sahm thing. These women who think their children are such amazingly important snowflakes that the moms had to literally quit their jobs to devote their lives to their precious well being, because heaven forbid mom have any focus other than her child. And then wonder why the kid is spoiled.

But frankly as a general matter, I think the kids/families OP describes are few and far between. I think lots of kids are fundamentally more challenging than other kids. Lots of parents with easy kids like to judge the parents of those other kids. I also have lots of friends with kids who have their own intolerable traits (maybe not meltdowns at the word "no", but other stuff) but those parents don't see their own kids' intolerable traits. Just the other kids. Also, when you have a kid who is wired to be the kid climbing up bookshelves, chances are their parents have been yelling and telling those kids "no" almost non stop since birth. And you know what? Saying 'no' has zero effect on some kids. Disciplining has zero effect on some kids. Some kids are crazy.

I've seen it from working and SAHMs. I don't think that's the issue.