Poll for men: submissive wife

[Anonymous]

I've got a good friend, he's mid 30's, a narcissist, but he's that guy in our group of friends who is hilarious, but can be so demanding and self centered at times. He's prone to delusions of grandeur and white lies. He has a good job though. He married a very pretty, but essentially opinion and temper free, woman in her mid 20's, who basically caters to his needs. He kind of belittles her at times, but is generally caring. To the guys out there who are in long term relationships or have been married for a while and the power dynamics are different, and actually equal, or flipped the other way, where the woman is moodier, or more type-a, or demanding than you are...do you wish you'd married someone more docile, agreeable, etc? Someone who would let you lead? This is just a random poll and not an admission that I consider a doormat perfect wife material. Just wondering if you're like "hmm, that could seem less stressful now that I think about it." Anyway, I'm sure there will be some people flaming away at this post.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't like either. DW is a people pleaser. It was something that used to drive me crazy because she relied on me to make decisions (even like where to go for dinner). It stemmed from low self esteem and confidence and we worked together to improve it. Now she's much more opinionated and I love it. But she isn't so opinionated that she's inflexible , gets upset when things don't go as planned, and doesn't pout if I want to do something she doesn't want to do.

If I had to choose I think I would prefer submissive. My MIL is the type A, rigid, my way is the right way type of person. It's miserable and I can't imagine being married to that.

[Anonymous]

I am not a man. Haha, yeah I know, first person ignoring the request.

But I will say that I don't blame men for wanting to marry easy going, non-demanding women. I would want that too, if I was a man.

But I wouldn't belittle my spouse. It's too bad that easy going, accommodating women end up getting crapped on by people like your friend instead of appreciated.

On an unrelated note, I also wonder if these women remain interesting in the long term. I think men like your friend very often cheat, and I wonder - could it be in part because being with someone who never challenges you is really quite boring over the course of 30 years?

[Anonymous]

My wife's ability to identify things she thinks need to be done coupled with her incredible organizational skills makes her a joy to watch.

It works out for us because I'm easy-going, but tough to push around in those areas where I do have an opinion. I also get my ego fed in plenty of other places, so I don't need my wife to kowtow to me.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want a doormat wife as I actually what someone to share my life with who will calange me to be a better person.
On the other hand I married a woman who is completely self centered and doesn't care what she has to do to get want she wants or what the ramifications of her choices are.

Now a strong woman who can hold her own but not walk all over people and doesn't resort to manipulation to get what she wants would be a good find. if she was just a little submissive in the bedroom but could take charge once and a while as needed then she would be perfect.

[Anonymous]

Before meeting extroverted, demanding DW, I was dating a an introverted doormat. I thought I wanted someone more "fun", but I now find that the "fun" can be a demanding nightmare. I would not go back to a doormat-type, but I certainly could have made a much better choice.

[Anonymous]

If you are looking for a docile sub-human who lets you lead, get a dog. No one with this disgusting attitude should get married.

[Anonymous]

If she "lets" you lead then you're not really leading, are you.

[Anonymous]

Reframe the question and ask how many women wish their husbands were more dominant / leaders in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I (a woman) make most of the decisions in my marriage--regarding finances, vacations, children, etc. But I am a complete sub in the bedroom and do anything he asks. I think my husband is very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (a woman) make most of the decisions in my marriage--regarding finances, vacations, children, etc. But I am a complete sub in the bedroom and do anything he asks. I think my husband is very happy.

Similar to relationship my wife and I have. She has no problem letting me know what she wants in the bedroom. Her desires mesh very well with mine. If only our friends knew went on behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what OP calls submissive. In a healthy relationship people submit and compromise all the time. Otherwise their lives turn into a nightmare. It's kind of sad that being a reasonable, kind, and supportive spouse often gets labeled as being a doormat. Most people don't know the difference if it hits them in the face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm not who you're looking for as I am a woman but by nature I suspect I am more docile, easy going, etc. than most other women I know and the ones I read posts by on here. I'm just not every demanding. I was always very shy which has turned into reserve as an adult. I don't have super strong opinions on most things (except Trump but that's unusual for me). I HATE confrontation. I'm not competitive at all.

I married a man who is very competitive and aggressive by nature. He hates to lose at anything, even board games, which is crazy to me that anyone cares about stuff like that, lol. He makes most of the decisions concerning our lives, taking into consideration my input, and we've both been happy about this situation for a long time. We're coming up on our 12th wedding anniversary. However, a friend's husband died recently and I realized that if that happened to me I'd be SOL because there are sooooo many things that I rely on my husband for. He takes care of all our financial paperwork, taxes, house and yard stuff, our cars, etc. When we go somewhere, he always drives. I decide where we should travel but then he arranges all the details and takes care of the paperwork. He's older than me and has always been a high earner so he's always paid for everything. My name wasn't even on the deed to our first house because I was so young when we bought it and didn't have a source of income or even a credit history. Really my only domain where I take care of the details is the kids and I keep him updated on all that stuff.

We have a happy strong married but yeah I realize that I am probably unusually reliant on him. I'm not sure why I am this way as I had a good, happy childhood, etc. I guess maybe I was too sheltered? I'm used to having someone else take care of me. I married my husband at 24 and lived with him for two years before that so this is all I've known pretty much. I went from my parents' house, to college, to my husband's house. I've never lived on my own.

Count yourself lucky as hell. Your life sounds amazing.

But it definitely can't hurt to start to try to learn more about the logistics of life, especially if your husband is older as you say. It might make you feel good to start to expand your horizons, but what a luxury to be able to do it at your own pace! Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure what OP calls submissive. In a healthy relationship people submit and compromise all the time. Otherwise their lives turn into a nightmare. It's kind of sad that being a reasonable, kind, and supportive spouse often gets labeled as being a doormat. Most people don't know the difference if it hits them in the face.

OP is pretty clear that he's not talking about mutual compromise between spouses who are equals in the relationship. OP asked, "do you wish you'd married someone more docile, agreeable, etc? Someone who would let you lead?" So, the husband is dominant/controlling and the wife is submissive/controlled. Sounds lovely.