7th grader says he needs to "chill" after school

[Anonymous]

I get it. School is intense and he wants to relax. I was a latch key key too. But he is coming home, eating and watching family guy! I come home after him. He's also not automatically taking out our puppy from her crate. We are thoroughly frustrated. Thoughts on allowing chill time, but then trusting my ds to start his homework and walk the dog? I respectfully ask that you don't suggest I am doing something wrong per se, but share any positive suggestions as to how to deal with the fact that he comes home before me, has the expectation to care for the puppy, needs chill time and that he needs to start his work independently. Am I asking too much of a 13 year old boy? We have said if he doesn't take the dog out, he will lose his phone-- this is recent. I welcome your helpful suggestions as we are really struggling with this. I don't want to nag and police him and would rather not hire a babysitter since I usually come home only 1.5 hours after him. But we will do what we need to do to help him learn these things. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Hi,op

Was your son the one who wanted the puppy? Even if he wasn't ask him how he would like it if he was locked in a cage and then when someone came home they refused to let him out. So, I would first approach this problem that you can work together

You: I understand, son that you want to relax and watch Family Guy when you get home. I totally get it. But, here is the issue. We have a puppy that needs extra love and care and we aren't available to do this because you get home first. How do you see the solution?

Son Hopefully he will say this Why don't I take the puppy out of the crate, walk him ( or play whatever) and then I get to cuddle with the dog while I watch Family guy?

[Anonymous]

Is his homework not getting done at all?

Assuming his homework is getting done at night, tell him that after he walks the dog, he is free to relax until you get home. Then do not make any snarky comments about him watching TV when you get home.

If his homework isn't getting done, then he can't watch TV. Use the parental controls on devices.

[Anonymous]

PP here I forgot the homework part. Maybe he can do the homework after dinner? Personally, this is the perfect age to put him in charge of his homework. If he doesn't get it done than he has to face the consequences. There isn't a record of seventh grade so it is not a big deal if grades slip. He will learn! ( unless he has executive functioning/ADHD issues) than that is a different story but, ultimately it is his work not yours.

[Anonymous]

Guarantee he has loser friends that don't do anything but "chill" after school and snapchat and group message him and offer to game online from 2pm-10pp. It normalizes "chilling", i.e. EVERYONE(!!!) else is chilling, why can't I?

Good luck. A shitty peer group undermines any progress you make inside the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guarantee he has loser friends that don't do anything but "chill" after school and snapchat and group message him and offer to game online from 2pm-10pp. It normalizes "chilling", i.e. EVERYONE(!!!) else is chilling, why can't I?

Good luck. A shitty peer group undermines any progress you make inside the house.

WOW! You sound a bit unhinged. Where does it say that op's son 'chills' from 2 pm until 10 pm. Why are you assuming he has loser friends that do this? So, hope that we don't know each other IRL because you make generalizatons from one post.

Lighten up! People do have the right to relax after a long day at school and work.

[Anonymous]

He does need to chill from the day. That said, puppy chores are nonnegotiable and need to get done before anything else.

My son has a list. Dishwasher, dog and cat, tidy kitchen from breakfast, porch light. It is on his bedroom door. It was worth the fight to get this achieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He does need to chill from the day. That said, puppy chores are nonnegotiable and need to get done before anything else.

My son has a list. Dishwasher, dog and cat, tidy kitchen from breakfast, porch light. It is on his bedroom door. It was worth the fight to get this achieved.

Oh, homework is not on the list because he does his homework. I ask that there be no tv on weekdays, but I am fully aware that I can't monitor this or internet consumption. If grades slipped, I would make new choices.

[Anonymous]

Guarantee he has loser friends that don't do anything but "chill" after school and snapchat and group message him and offer to game online from 2pm-10pp. It normalizes "chilling", i.e. EVERYONE(!!!) else is chilling, why can't I?

Good luck. A shitty peer group undermines any progress you make inside the house.

Wow. I guess my sophomore DS who has all As in mostly honors classes this quarter and never gets into any kind of trouble, but spends a good deal of time snapchatting with his GF, talking to his friends, and gaming, while also doing his homework, letting the dog out, practicing his instrument, chores, etc., is a shitty loser! I'm GLAD he's not part of a peer group that is unhappy, high strung and ultra-competitive because it's not healthy.

OP's kid needs to be on top of taking care of the puppy, but "wasting" a whole 90 minutes by eating (oh no!) or watching a 30 minute show is not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He does need to chill from the day. That said, puppy chores are nonnegotiable and need to get done before anything else.

My son has a list. Dishwasher, dog and cat, tidy kitchen from breakfast, porch light. It is on his bedroom door. It was worth the fight to get this achieved.

Are you the op? If not, does your son get all the things done from the list? If so, count me impressed!

[Anonymous]

let him chii after school for about an hour till like 4pm

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone: I'm the OP. Thx for your replies. I did talk about the ethical aspect of the puppy and he seems to feel bad for a bit, but then doesn't want to deal with doing it. She is, to be clear, a total spaz. At this point, she isn't cuddling until she has run like a maniac. But he's not a mean jerk-- he is just too into wanting to relax and prob be on his phone. Regardless, he is going to need to do this or the phone is gone and I am promising myself I will stick to this. He is bright, but we are investigating possible ADHD inattention. Btw: some of his grades do count in 7th bc he is in a couple advanced classes It's hard to do homework later at night bc he has several sports in the evenings. I don't really want to take those away bc I think he needs to run and exercise. So I really need him to start after a bit of chill time. His friends are all very smart, but they are all addicted to their phones. He's not allowed to play Xbox on weekdays and he knows that. I just need him to care for the dog, start some work and I guess have some chill time before sports etc. thx for listening. The only motivation, albeit negative, is taking away his phone and saying he can't be social on the weekends. Finally, public school is way harder than when I was a kid!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He does need to chill from the day. That said, puppy chores are nonnegotiable and need to get done before anything else.

My son has a list. Dishwasher, dog and cat, tidy kitchen from breakfast, porch light. It is on his bedroom door. It was worth the fight to get this achieved.

Are you the op? If not, does your son get all the things done from the list? If so, count me impressed!

I am not the op. I am raising an introvert who needs quiet after school. He hates when we telecommute. My son mostly does get everything on the list done. He sometimes forgets something if he stays after school, but never forgets to let the dog out. He gets a B- for the litter box (cleans the poop, but doesn't sweep). He also cleans up dinner a few nights a week.

Thanks for complimenting us. He is an exemplary child here, but you can trust that we have our own set of teen troubles (and parenting failures) with him. You would not want to follow my lead on "wash your hair".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi everyone: I'm the OP. Thx for your replies. I did talk about the ethical aspect of the puppy and he seems to feel bad for a bit, but then doesn't want to deal with doing it. She is, to be clear, a total spaz. At this point, she isn't cuddling until she has run like a maniac. But he's not a mean jerk-- he is just too into wanting to relax and prob be on his phone. Regardless, he is going to need to do this or the phone is gone and I am promising myself I will stick to this. He is bright, but we are investigating possible ADHD inattention. Btw: some of his grades do count in 7th bc he is in a couple advanced classes It's hard to do homework later at night bc he has several sports in the evenings. I don't really want to take those away bc I think he needs to run and exercise. So I really need him to start after a bit of chill time. His friends are all very smart, but they are all addicted to their phones. He's not allowed to play Xbox on weekdays and he knows that. I just need him to care for the dog, start some work and I guess have some chill time before sports etc. thx for listening. The only motivation, albeit negative, is taking away his phone and saying he can't be social on the weekends. Finally, public school is way harder than when I was a kid!!!!

OP. When we were in your shoes, I started coming home from work earlier to make sure he got done what he needed. Yeah, it is hard. I cut my hours and got up earlier.

Also, and I'm not kidding: If you can't get decent care for your puppy from your son, then you need to buy it with a dog walker or give the dog up to a rescue. You seem to be heading down the path of creating an awful and unhappy dog.

Don't worry about his grades counting. You have bigger issues to worry about if you want his high school transcript to look good.

[Anonymous]

Let him chill!