7th grader says he needs to "chill" after school

[Anonymous]

OP here: I am going to let him chill, but I am also going to see if i can get the dog walker to come twice a day if our son can't get it together. I hope that is not the case though. I am also going to just try to come home earlier as the other poster said. thx for your input-- my instinct is to relate to his need to chill, but also have some expectations.

[Anonymous]

Agree that if you don't hire the dog sitter you should give the puppy up to a rescue group. It will be easier to find a new home while it's still young and cute and before its behavioral issues from being in s crate all day become apparent. (The dog is a 'spazz' because it's locked in a crate all day)

[Anonymous]

It's not unreasonable for him to get 30 min to have a snack and watch one episode, if you get a dog walker.

[Anonymous]

Change wifi code daily. Unlock when chores and homework are done. He can "chill" by playing outside with dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I am going to let him chill, but I am also going to see if i can get the dog walker to come twice a day if our son can't get it together. I hope that is not the case though. I am also going to just try to come home earlier as the other poster said. thx for your input-- my instinct is to relate to his need to chill, but also have some expectations.

I suggest approaching the puppy as a compassion issue, talk to him about seeing things from the dogs perpextice. he's in a cage and needs to get out to pee, how do you feel when you have to go and must wait?
Make a list and tell him to do all these things before he chills. If he doesn't do them he loses his phone. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. School is intense and he wants to relax. I was a latch key key too. But he is coming home, eating and watching family guy! I come home after him. He's also not automatically taking out our puppy from her crate. We are thoroughly frustrated. Thoughts on allowing chill time, but then trusting my ds to start his homework and walk the dog? I respectfully ask that you don't suggest I am doing something wrong per se, but share any positive suggestions as to how to deal with the fact that he comes home before me, has the expectation to care for the puppy, needs chill time and that he needs to start his work independently. Am I asking too much of a 13 year old boy? We have said if he doesn't take the dog out, he will lose his phone-- this is recent. I welcome your helpful suggestions as we are really struggling with this. I don't want to nag and police him and would rather not hire a babysitter since I usually come home only 1.5 hours after him. But we will do what we need to do to help him learn these things. Thanks!

We have the same dynamic with our 13yo DD. She takes the dog for a walk or phone goes away.

[Anonymous]

I would give on a lot before I gave on the puppy. Duties to animals come first, over a need to chill. He can come home, snaps a leash on the dog and take it out to potty, and then chill. I would drape the leash over the door if necessary. And if he fails, then phone gone right. Now.

Consider it a gift to his future wife to be responsible about those depending on him (I.e. His kids later).

I would not require him to exercise the dog unless he was the whole instigator and begged for the dog, in which case I would. If it is more of a family dog I would let him off the hook as long as he attended to its potty needs.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like he's overshcheduled and he's asking for some relief. Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

What is he motivated by? Can you offer to pay him to walk the dog after school (nothing big, $5 a day or $20 a week).

[Anonymous]

My kid also needs to chill after school. But he can let the dog out of the crate and still relax. If your kid can't do the same, maybe he's not mature enough to be let on his own.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between downtime and laziness and your child seems have inadvertently crossed the line. You have to make a *very short* list of things he has to do before he plops down on the couch, such as giving the puppy a potty-break, and putting his lunch things in the sink, or whatever you think needs to be done immediately. Does his favorite TV program start right when he gets home? The puppy comes first, unfortunately. Perhaps there should be no TV allowed until he understands this. I know it's hard, my 11 year old has inattentive ADHD and has grown progressively more responsible with his time and duties, especially when he's on meds. Without meds, ie, in the morning and evening, I sometimes tear my hair out.

[Anonymous]

PP, quick reminder on how to change wifi code? We have not changed it in years.

[Anonymous]

OP here: We are never giving up the puppy (10 months). We have a mid day dog walker who leaves at 12, so I just think that my son should be able to let her out and walk her at 3:40 when he gets home. He does that or the phone goes away, but then,I'm thinking, is 30tv show, okay as chill time?!

[Anonymous]

OP again: I agree with the poster that said that maybe he isn't mature enough to be left alone especially after talking about the ethical aspect of leaving the dog in the crate until I come home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: We are never giving up the puppy (10 months). We have a mid day dog walker who leaves at 12, so I just think that my son should be able to let her out and walk her at 3:40 when he gets home. He does that or the phone goes away, but then,I'm thinking, is 30tv show, okay as chill time?!

OP. Figure I think out so that the dog gets the care it needs. If you fail to take care of the puppy and train her, she will grow up to be an awful dog. Evaluate the facts: can your kid be trusted, yes or no. If no, then get the dog what the dog needs. It is wrong, cruel, bad parenting and a thousand other things to have a puppy needing exercise in a crate so your kid can chill to family guy.