Class fund non-participants: where do you think the party food comes from??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If they choose to spend money on their fancy vacations but let other people spend money on their kids at school, they are selfish. I agree with the -1 pp

No one is spending money on other people's kids at school. Some people are deciding that the kids simply must have a pizza party and covering for those who aren't interested, but that has nothing to do with education. Some of those uninterested kids are either not eating pizza or are allergic to something in it. Some people are also trying to control gifts given to the teachers, but that likewise has nothing to do with education. If you decide to contribute to a group gift "on my behalf", despite the fact that I'm gifting the teacher on my own, that's your problem and has nothing to do with me.

[Anonymous]

PP, you keep dodging the question: When you're publicly shaming people for not contributing, how do you know 100% that they're freeloaders without some sort of medical, psychological, financial, or other crisis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you keep dodging the question: When you're publicly shaming people for not contributing, how do you know 100% that they're freeloaders without some sort of medical, psychological, financial, or other crisis?

NP. I don't know that many room parents publicly post the list of those who donate and who do not (although I'm sure many keep lists for accounting purposes). But the basic issue is that even if you have moral objections to donations that pay for: pizza/treats/class parties/teacher gifts, most of the other parents are donating on your behalf. If you're fine with being free rider, carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you keep dodging the question: When you're publicly shaming people for not contributing, how do you know 100% that they're freeloaders without some sort of medical, psychological, financial, or other crisis?

NP. I don't know that many room parents publicly post the list of those who donate and who do not (although I'm sure many keep lists for accounting purposes). But the basic issue is that even if you have moral objections to donations that pay for: pizza/treats/class parties/teacher gifts, most of the other parents are donating on your behalf. If you're fine with being free rider, carry on.

At least a few PPs have said that they share their contribution spreadsheet with the entire class or they're posting lists of non-contributors. I doubt this thread would have lasted for so many pages if not for the public shaming aspects.

Re: the bolded. Sure, but whose problem is that? If there's an event, and I don't send my DC with money for the vending machine, so you go ahead and buy my child something, am I freeloading off of you, are you gifting my child with no hard feelings, or are you overstepping in your role as a chaperone? If people aren't asking for you to do group gifts or pay anything on their behalf, but you do so anyway, that sounds like a "you" problem. Likewise, if a lot of parents aren't interested in paying for a pizza party, but you decide that it simply must happen, that also sounds like a "you" problem. You might view some people as freeloaders, but those people might likewise think you're being overly demanding and on a power trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: But the basic issue is that even if you have moral objections to donations that pay for: pizza/treats/class parties/teacher gifts, most of the other parents are donating on your behalf. If you're fine with being free rider, carry on.

I don't know why I keep arguing on this thread, since I am someone who donates for everything. I just find your mentality really weird. I give the teachers gift cards for Xmas and end of year. Some people don't. I don't view my gift card as somehow donating on the behalf of people who don't give one. Likewise, for parties, I always sign up on signup genius to send in something. I'm sure there are parents who don't ever sign up. At my school, some of those parents can't afford it. Some don't speak English and don't even know what is requested. Some are just really busy. I couldn't care less that their kids are eating the grapes or drinking the juice I provided. It's really not a big deal. It's all voluntary, which means that I have the right to contribute or not as I see fit. Just because I choose to contribute doesn't give me any rights to decide what other people should contribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you keep dodging the question: When you're publicly shaming people for not contributing, how do you know 100% that they're freeloaders without some sort of medical, psychological, financial, or other crisis?

NP. I don't know that many room parents publicly post the list of those who donate and who do not (although I'm sure many keep lists for accounting purposes). But the basic issue is that even if you have moral objections to donations that pay for: pizza/treats/class parties/teacher gifts, most of the other parents are donating on your behalf. If you're fine with being free rider, carry on.

At least a few PPs have said that they share their contribution spreadsheet with the entire class or they're posting lists of non-contributors. I doubt this thread would have lasted for so many pages if not for the public shaming aspects.

Re: the bolded. Sure, but whose problem is that? If there's an event, and I don't send my DC with money for the vending machine, so you go ahead and buy my child something, am I freeloading off of you, are you gifting my child with no hard feelings, or are you overstepping in your role as a chaperone? If people aren't asking for you to do group gifts or pay anything on their behalf, but you do so anyway, that sounds like a "you" problem. Likewise, if a lot of parents aren't interested in paying for a pizza party, but you decide that it simply must happen, that also sounds like a "you" problem. You might view some people as freeloaders, but those people might likewise think you're being overly demanding and on a power trip.

I don't see the parallel in your example about the vending machine. A vending machine purchase isn't required for a class trip, but each kid takes part equally in class parties, unless your kid is sitting in a corner and refusing to participate (which I've never seen in my many years attending class parties.) Group gifts from a class don't exempt, Harry, Sally and Larla whose parents don't believe in class gifts. So yes, you are free-riding. But you're not the only one, and the teachers will never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But the basic issue is that even if you have moral objections to donations that pay for: pizza/treats/class parties/teacher gifts, most of the other parents are donating on your behalf. If you're fine with being free rider, carry on.

I don't know why I keep arguing on this thread, since I am someone who donates for everything. I just find your mentality really weird. I give the teachers gift cards for Xmas and end of year. Some people don't. I don't view my gift card as somehow donating on the behalf of people who don't give one. Likewise, for parties, I always sign up on signup genius to send in something. I'm sure there are parents who don't ever sign up. At my school, some of those parents can't afford it. Some don't speak English and don't even know what is requested. Some are just really busy. I couldn't care less that their kids are eating the grapes or drinking the juice I provided. It's really not a big deal. It's all voluntary, which means that I have the right to contribute or not as I see fit. Just because I choose to contribute doesn't give me any rights to decide what other people should contribute.

we're not talking about individual gift cards for teachers that are signed with your family's name. we're talking about "class gifts" which are gift cards for holiday or end of the year that are given on behalf of "the class". and when some people donate who can well afford to (no one is talking about the people who truly can't afford it), yes that is the definition of free riding.

[Anonymous]

Just for fun I went to Domino's website and saw how many 2 topping medium pizzas I could buy with op's budget

I could buy 23 pizzas for 137.77 after tax

So funny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But the basic issue is that even if you have moral objections to donations that pay for: pizza/treats/class parties/teacher gifts, most of the other parents are donating on your behalf. If you're fine with being free rider, carry on.

I don't know why I keep arguing on this thread, since I am someone who donates for everything. I just find your mentality really weird. I give the teachers gift cards for Xmas and end of year. Some people don't. I don't view my gift card as somehow donating on the behalf of people who don't give one. Likewise, for parties, I always sign up on signup genius to send in something. I'm sure there are parents who don't ever sign up. At my school, some of those parents can't afford it. Some don't speak English and don't even know what is requested. Some are just really busy. I couldn't care less that their kids are eating the grapes or drinking the juice I provided. It's really not a big deal. It's all voluntary, which means that I have the right to contribute or not as I see fit. Just because I choose to contribute doesn't give me any rights to decide what other people should contribute.

we're not talking about individual gift cards for teachers that are signed with your family's name. we're talking about "class gifts" which are gift cards for holiday or end of the year that are given on behalf of "the class". and when some people donate who can well afford to (no one is talking about the people who truly can't afford it), yes that is the definition of free riding.

If you're the one deciding that personal gifts are inadequate and that there must be a class gift, then people who choose to get their own gifts are not free riding. Instead, you're the one trying to boss other people around. There's no need for class gifts. If you decide that you simply must give a class gift, then feel free not to sign my kid's name on it. It's still not my problem that you're deciding how other people must gift the teacher, and they're not conforming to your desires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But the basic issue is that even if you have moral objections to donations that pay for: pizza/treats/class parties/teacher gifts, most of the other parents are donating on your behalf. If you're fine with being free rider, carry on.

I don't know why I keep arguing on this thread, since I am someone who donates for everything. I just find your mentality really weird. I give the teachers gift cards for Xmas and end of year. Some people don't. I don't view my gift card as somehow donating on the behalf of people who don't give one. Likewise, for parties, I always sign up on signup genius to send in something. I'm sure there are parents who don't ever sign up. At my school, some of those parents can't afford it. Some don't speak English and don't even know what is requested. Some are just really busy. I couldn't care less that their kids are eating the grapes or drinking the juice I provided. It's really not a big deal. It's all voluntary, which means that I have the right to contribute or not as I see fit. Just because I choose to contribute doesn't give me any rights to decide what other people should contribute.

we're not talking about individual gift cards for teachers that are signed with your family's name. we're talking about "class gifts" which are gift cards for holiday or end of the year that are given on behalf of "the class". and when some people donate who can well afford to (no one is talking about the people who truly can't afford it), yes that is the definition of free riding.

If you're the one deciding that personal gifts are inadequate and that there must be a class gift, then people who choose to get their own gifts are not free riding. Instead, you're the one trying to boss other people around. There's no need for class gifts. If you decide that you simply must give a class gift, then feel free not to sign my kid's name on it. It's still not my problem that you're deciding how other people must gift the teacher, and they're not conforming to your desires.

Room parents don't unilaterally "decide" that there must be a class gift. It's customary at our Maryland public school to do so, and when you become a room parent, the room parent coordinator will tell you that typically parents use the funds for two teacher gifts and the class parties. All the people who hate group gifts can become room parents and upend this tradition if you hate it so much. (At my school, it's typically two fairly small gift cards from the class since our requested donation is small.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Re: the bolded. Sure, but whose problem is that? If there's an event, and I don't send my DC with money for the vending machine, so you go ahead and buy my child something, am I freeloading off of you, are you gifting my child with no hard feelings, or are you overstepping in your role as a chaperone? If people aren't asking for you to do group gifts or pay anything on their behalf, but you do so anyway, that sounds like a "you" problem. Likewise, if a lot of parents aren't interested in paying for a pizza party, but you decide that it simply must happen, that also sounds like a "you" problem. You might view some people as freeloaders, but those people might likewise think you're being overly demanding and on a power trip.

I don't see the parallel in your example about the vending machine. A vending machine purchase isn't required for a class trip, but each kid takes part equally in class parties, unless your kid is sitting in a corner and refusing to participate (which I've never seen in my many years attending class parties.) Group gifts from a class don't exempt, Harry, Sally and Larla whose parents don't believe in class gifts. So yes, you are free-riding. But you're not the only one, and the teachers will never know.

The parallel is that you're deciding that the kids need tons of pizza and junk food that the parents might not overly wish their kids to have. I wouldn't expect a parent to contribute to food that they didn't want their kid to have in the first place, but they're grudgingly saying nothing to the teacher because they don't want their kid "othered" in front of the class. If people aren't contributing, scale it back. I wouldn't be surprised if some people are passive-aggressively not contributing because they think the parties are over the top and they want you to scale them back. Likewise, if enough people aren't contributing to class gifts, then take that as a hint that they would prefer individual gifts. Just because you want to do a class gift doesn't mean that everyone owes you and that those who don't pay are "freeloaders." You are not the boss of everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Room parents don't unilaterally "decide" that there must be a class gift. It's customary at our Maryland public school to do so, and when you become a room parent, the room parent coordinator will tell you that typically parents use the funds for two teacher gifts and the class parties. All the people who hate group gifts can become room parents and upend this tradition if you hate it so much. (At my school, it's typically two fairly small gift cards from the class since our requested donation is small.)

I'm sorry, but I just can't even fathom a school having teacher gift requirements for room parents to fulfill, either from donations or making up the difference themselves. The whole idea is so crazy to me. If the school wants teacher gifts, then the PTA should run some fundraiser events for that purpose. There shouldn't be any obligation for one parent to pester other parents for gift money.

Are all of the schools that do this in wealthier areas? I otherwise find required gifts in public schools difficult to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just for fun I went to Domino's website and saw how many 2 topping medium pizzas I could buy with op's budget

I could buy 23 pizzas for 137.77 after tax

So funny

Pizza hut is even cheaper than Domino's since they're doing 5 dollar pizzas now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: But the basic issue is that even if you have moral objections to donations that pay for: pizza/treats/class parties/teacher gifts, most of the other parents are donating on your behalf. If you're fine with being free rider, carry on.

I don't know why I keep arguing on this thread, since I am someone who donates for everything. I just find your mentality really weird. I give the teachers gift cards for Xmas and end of year. Some people don't. I don't view my gift card as somehow donating on the behalf of people who don't give one. Likewise, for parties, I always sign up on signup genius to send in something. I'm sure there are parents who don't ever sign up. At my school, some of those parents can't afford it. Some don't speak English and don't even know what is requested. Some are just really busy. I couldn't care less that their kids are eating the grapes or drinking the juice I provided. It's really not a big deal. It's all voluntary, which means that I have the right to contribute or not as I see fit. Just because I choose to contribute doesn't give me any rights to decide what other people should contribute.

we're not talking about individual gift cards for teachers that are signed with your family's name. we're talking about "class gifts" which are gift cards for holiday or end of the year that are given on behalf of "the class". and when some people donate who can well afford to (no one is talking about the people who truly can't afford it), yes that is the definition of free riding.

If you're the one deciding that personal gifts are inadequate and that there must be a class gift, then people who choose to get their own gifts are not free riding. Instead, you're the one trying to boss other people around. There's no need for class gifts. If you decide that you simply must give a class gift, then feel free not to sign my kid's name on it. It's still not my problem that you're deciding how other people must gift the teacher, and they're not conforming to your desires.

Room parents don't unilaterally "decide" that there must be a class gift. It's customary at our Maryland public school to do so, and when you become a room parent, the room parent coordinator will tell you that typically parents use the funds for two teacher gifts and the class parties. All the people who hate group gifts can become room parents and upend this tradition if you hate it so much. (At my school, it's typically two fairly small gift cards from the class since our requested donation is small.)

+1 Every school my kids have been at (from private preschool to public elementary) has had some sort of monetary class group gift for the teacher. This isn't some bizarre invention by rogue room parents. Some parents also contribute in their own name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Room parents don't unilaterally "decide" that there must be a class gift. It's customary at our Maryland public school to do so, and when you become a room parent, the room parent coordinator will tell you that typically parents use the funds for two teacher gifts and the class parties. All the people who hate group gifts can become room parents and upend this tradition if you hate it so much. (At my school, it's typically two fairly small gift cards from the class since our requested donation is small.)

I'm sorry, but I just can't even fathom a school having teacher gift requirements for room parents to fulfill, either from donations or making up the difference themselves. The whole idea is so crazy to me. If the school wants teacher gifts, then the PTA should run some fundraiser events for that purpose. There shouldn't be any obligation for one parent to pester other parents for gift money.

Are all of the schools that do this in wealthier areas? I otherwise find required gifts in public schools difficult to believe.

It's not a requirement. It's customary at my kid's public school. Just like a class Halloween party isn't a requirement, but it's customary. Your school's practices are clearly different.