Having a Good (but not Tiger Type) Kid

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both Ivy grads, and this is also generally our large circle of friends in real life and from Facebook, etc.

A good portion of our friends have been posting the early acceptances for their kids to similar top 20 schools.

Our son is a good student but probably only in the top 30% of his class. A B+ student in Regular classes, low 600s SATs. He has always loved the water and really loved some cruises we have gone on, where as a kid he met the captains, etc. He wants to go into shipping operations and attend a Maritime Academy.

He has been accepted into Maine and Massachusetts Maritime Academies and will be deciding between them.

My parents and in-laws are not happy about this, they keep heaving heavy sighs like for all their hard work their grandson is not going to be a King on Wall Street and is going to be killed by pirates. I have also been fastidiously avoiding FB and friends with the news because I just feel like all our friends are going to look at each other knowingly and be like "well I guess we know how their kid turned out."

Please kick my ass. I sorely need an ass-kicking to snap myself out of this feeling like our kid made a left turn into nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Big hug, OP.
It's hard to be satisfied with what can be perceived as an "odd" choice.

However, are you sure your circle will think that way?
Perhaps they're thinking: "What a great fit for someone who loves ships! I bet that kid will go far!" Because there ARE opportunities there.
(Don't worry about your parents - they're old and set in their ways and know nothing.)

[Anonymous]

Your son has two (probably respectable, I don't know - know nothing about maritime stuff) colleges to choose from. This is excellent. They are schools that cater to his long-held interest. This is even MORE excellent. These schools will prepare him to get (I assume - again, know nothing about this field) a decently paying job that will allow him to support himself. And he will be happy all the while.

Buy your son some sunscreen and good sunglasses, and be proud of him. F*ck the haters.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you want some perspective. I think it is pretty awesome that your son has identified his unique passion & interest so early, and is finding a way to continue his education that is setting him up for a happy, productive life.

I don't know what to tell you other than this is a lot more about you and not really about your son at all -- but I think you know that, and I don't want to be too hard on you. Maybe do some journaling on what your goals were for your son and really think about if he achieved it. I imagine your goals for your children are to have a happy life where they can support themselves and enjoy the day to day. I think he sounds well on his way... you probably just thought the path to that goal looked a little different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both Ivy grads, and this is also generally our large circle of friends in real life and from Facebook, etc.

A good portion of our friends have been posting the early acceptances for their kids to similar top 20 schools.

Our son is a good student but probably only in the top 30% of his class. A B+ student in Regular classes, low 600s SATs. He has always loved the water and really loved some cruises we have gone on, where as a kid he met the captains, etc. He wants to go into shipping operations and attend a Maritime Academy.

He has been accepted into Maine and Massachusetts Maritime Academies and will be deciding between them.

My parents and in-laws are not happy about this, they keep heaving heavy sighs like for all their hard work their grandson is not going to be a King on Wall Street and is going to be killed by pirates. I have also been fastidiously avoiding FB and friends with the news because I just feel like all our friends are going to look at each other knowingly and be like "well I guess we know how their kid turned out."

Please kick my ass. I sorely need an ass-kicking to snap myself out of this feeling like our kid made a left turn into nowhere.

question - are your parents and dh's parents ivy grads/top 20 school grads as well? If not, they have no room to talk. If they are, then I am curious if there is something different you did with your son in terms of raising him than your parents and your inlaws did for you and dh.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is likely your circle will think similarly to your family. You have to get over it: Your son IS getting a college education in a field that interests him, and hopefully will make him happy in the long run. That is what is most important.
We both have PhDs from top schools in our field (as do many of our friends), and we do realize it is quite likely that at least one of our kids, if not more, will not reach our level of professional success (they are still very young). Many of our colleagues, family and friends have kids that have not lived up to their parents' expectations - no college education, unemployed, community college etc. So really, your kid sounds just fine!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is likely your circle will think similarly to your family. You have to get over it: Your son IS getting a college education in a field that interests him, and hopefully will make him happy in the long run. That is what is most important.
We both have PhDs from top schools in our field (as do many of our friends), and we do realize it is quite likely that at least one of our kids, if not more, will not reach our level of professional success (they are still very young). Many of our colleagues, family and friends have kids that have not lived up to their parents' expectations - no college education, unemployed, community college etc. So really, your kid sounds just fine!!

are you and your circle all first-generation 'academic successes' (i.e. your mom was an secretary and dad was a cop or something) or come from a multi-generation academic successes?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PPs. I'm an Ivy League grad w/similar angst. My son is younger but I just hope he gets into some college, somewhere, someday - that alone won't be a shoo-in at this stage.

The thing I tell my own kids (partially to remind myself) that I know tons of successful people - and even more happy people - who were not great students. Find what you're good at, bonus points if you are good with people, and you will do well in life. OP, it sounds like your son has that all figured out. Be proud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PPs. I'm an Ivy League grad w/similar angst. My son is younger but I just hope he gets into some college, somewhere, someday - that alone won't be a shoo-in at this stage.

The thing I tell my own kids (partially to remind myself) that I know tons of successful people - and even more happy people - who were not great students. Find what you're good at, bonus points if you are good with people, and you will do well in life. OP, it sounds like your son has that all figured out. Be proud.

this is good advice. groom your kids to be physically attractive, outgoing, good with people and they'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

i don't see the problem. this kid has the first chapter of an incredible life story locked in!!!

their ideal grandkid:
got good grades, never got into trouble, graduated at the top of his class, made the ivy league, graduated with honors, married a beautiful girl, made millions on wall street, went to church, gave to charity, and died a peaceful death surrounded by family who loved him. BORING DCUM GOALS

your kid maybe:
[i]never quite satisfied with the structure of school, he floated through his early years, and filled his days with dreams of the sea, which is where we made his way after high school. he graduated with honors from the maritime academy, and spent his summers sailing back and forth from the Caribbean. upon graduation he became a ship's mate, and quickly proved his mettle on several vessels. he served with distinction as a young captain on one of the world's largest cargo ships, and successfully led his crew in fending off a pirate attack off the coast of Somalia until a Navy vessel arrived in support. he later joined lloyd's of london, where he advised the world's largest companies on the dangerous and opportunities of various shipping routes, saving them millions by avoiding piracy, weather, and uncertainty in a world of rapidly changing maritime rules. when he later broke out on his own, lloyd's bankrolled his new venture as a maritime data center capitalist. he spent his years building vast littoral structures to support offshore tidal energy infrastructure and drone fleets for commercial shipping companies. he later served at the UN, and had a central role in drafting new maritime rules in the South China Sea, heralding a second era of global maritime stability just when the world thought that the US-guaranteed neutrality of the sea was coming to an end. he died as he would have wanted, on his sailboat, caught in a squall off the coast of bermuda, fighting the ravenous winds that battered the sea, which he loved.


RAAAAAAAAAAAAD

[Anonymous]

Life is a journey, not a destination. His journey just happens to be more unusual (and therefore interesting) than theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i don't see the problem. this kid has the first chapter of an incredible life story locked in!!!

their ideal grandkid:
got good grades, never got into trouble, graduated at the top of his class, made the ivy league, graduated with honors, married a beautiful girl, made millions on wall street, went to church, gave to charity, and died a peaceful death surrounded by family who loved him. BORING DCUM GOALS

your kid maybe:
[i]never quite satisfied with the structure of school, he floated through his early years, and filled his days with dreams of the sea, which is where we made his way after high school. he graduated with honors from the maritime academy, and spent his summers sailing back and forth from the Caribbean. upon graduation he became a ship's mate, and quickly proved his mettle on several vessels. he served with distinction as a young captain on one of the world's largest cargo ships, and successfully led his crew in fending off a pirate attack off the coast of Somalia until a Navy vessel arrived in support. he later joined lloyd's of london, where he advised the world's largest companies on the dangerous and opportunities of various shipping routes, saving them millions by avoiding piracy, weather, and uncertainty in a world of rapidly changing maritime rules. when he later broke out on his own, lloyd's bankrolled his new venture as a maritime data center capitalist. he spent his years building vast littoral structures to support offshore tidal energy infrastructure and drone fleets for commercial shipping companies. he later served at the UN, and had a central role in drafting new maritime rules in the South China Sea, heralding a second era of global maritime stability just when the world thought that the US-guaranteed neutrality of the sea was coming to an end. he died as he would have wanted, on his sailboat, caught in a squall off the coast of bermuda, fighting the ravenous winds that battered the sea, which he loved.


RAAAAAAAAAAAAD

op - you should print this and give it to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is a journey, not a destination. His journey just happens to be more unusual (and therefore interesting) than theirs.

This! My sister's oldest took a similar less traveled path (he actually dropped out of college to do it). Several people have pointed out to me how BRAVE it is for kids to take a different path. That changed the way I viewed it. Also, read the book Excellent Sheep if you want to make yourself feel better (it explains how HC liberal arts colleges are actually foreclosing options for kids because they all mindlessly travel the same "good" path, without stopping to discover what makes them happy and fulfilled). After you've read that book, you can recommend it to family members!!

[Anonymous]

I think it is awesome!!!

[Anonymous]

It is a testament to your loving parenting that your child has the confidence and your support to follow his dream. Many kids have dreams that will never be realized because their parents pressure them into some other field. Hold your head high knowing that your child was born to do a particular career, and because of your parenting he is going to be able to achieve it.