Having a Good (but not Tiger Type) Kid

[Anonymous]

Your kid sounds fantastic! I admire him for making a smart choice that should lend itself to a career that both interests him, pays reasonably well, and affords him opportunities to travel. For what it's worth I have a friend with a son at the Maine Maritime Academy, and am always excited for her facebook posts. The school is beautiful and it looks like her son is getting a rigorous, hands-on education.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is exactly what I want for my kids. Driven, self-assured, balanced and HAPPY ... and I'm one of the crazies dropping hundreds of thousands of dollars on private K-12. My kids are both high achievers, but neither of them has any idea what they actually WANT out of life, and that scares me. I'd honestly feel more at peace in your situation than in mine. Your kid has his shit together. Be thankful. And tell him congrats and happy sailing.

[Anonymous]

This is the peak time for student comparisons. You are doing the right thing for your child. This time next yer it will be a distant memory.

[Anonymous]

Kudos to your kid for not being an "excellent sheep". Confidence is everything.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both Ivy grads, undergrad and law school. Like you, we have many friends with similar educational "pedigrees". Most of us have kids in high school, college and older. None of my friends would ever look down on a kid going to Mass Maritime (in fact I have a friends whose son graduated from there recently and loved it -- so congrats to your son, OP!). Not everyone who goes to an Ivy is a jerk, and, fortunately, DH and I managed to steer clear of those. If you and your DH didn't, it's never too late to jettison the snobs and focus on your real friends. (Besides, I actually think many people who went to Ivies are the least impressed by that kind of crap because we know absolute dolts who were in school with us and because we know luck played a large part in our own success.)

As for your parents, I'm so sorry they're not able to love their grandchild for who he is. They must be miserable and fearful of what their "friends" will think. Don't end up like that, OP.

[Anonymous]

I know a couple people who went to the merchant marine academy. They make BANK. And they have this interesting nomad lifestyle; great for young single people...not sure how it will play out as we get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is a journey, not a destination. His journey just happens to be more unusual (and therefore interesting) than theirs.

This! My sister's oldest took a similar less traveled path (he actually dropped out of college to do it). Several people have pointed out to me how BRAVE it is for kids to take a different path. That changed the way I viewed it. Also, read the book Excellent Sheep if you want to make yourself feel better (it explains how HC liberal arts colleges are actually foreclosing options for kids because they all mindlessly travel the same "good" path, without stopping to discover what makes them happy and fulfilled). After you've read that book, you can recommend it to family members!!

When I first read the reviews of Excellent Sheep, I categorized it as sour grapes. Now that my two oldest kids have graduated from college, my opinion has changed completely. So many of these kids are trained to jump through other people's hoops. They graduate and just stay on that path that someone else laid out for them. OP, your son has the vision and guts to run his own race -- good on him!

[Anonymous]

I never understand these posts. Why do you care what people think?

[Anonymous]

Fwiw, I have a desk job in the maritime industry and think your kid is setting himself up for a great career. See if he can meet any pilots, those guys have a sweet gig.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PPs. I'm an Ivy League grad w/similar angst. My son is younger but I just hope he gets into some college, somewhere, someday - that alone won't be a shoo-in at this stage.

The thing I tell my own kids (partially to remind myself) that I know tons of successful people - and even more happy people - who were not great students. Find what you're good at, bonus points if you are good with people, and you will do well in life. OP, it sounds like your son has that all figured out. Be proud.

Literally anyone can get into college. Thousands of universities accept anyone with a pulse.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP. I know how you feel!

We went through this (and to some extent are probably still going through it) when my HS senior ds announced last summer that he wanted to go to nursing school, or a college that offers a BSN degree. The very first thing nearly everyone has said is "why doesn't he want to be a doctor?" Because they're different jobs, that's why!

I posted a bunch of weeks ago about my daughter telling me she heard grandma (MIL) whispering to the aunts (SILs) that "it was probably her idea" (her meaning me) and that I was shortchanging him.

He goes to a boys school and his guidance counselor frankly admitted early on that he didn't know anything about nursing school admissions because he'd never had a student who wanted to go in that direction. So we have largely had to do most of the research ourselves.

The thing that makes me most proud is how my ds has held fast to his ambition all senior year so far despite the Gaylord Focker jokes (that everyone thinks they are so clever for), he wrote great essays about what he liked about working in a surgical practice over summers and vacations where he was very well liked. Like your son, OP, he is a very good student but he is not a double 750 SAT and a 4.0, but he shows up for school every day, has a great attendance record, and genuinely likes the idea of working with patients.

Like you must have been, I was originally surprised when he told me he was thinking of nursing school but he had good reasons for it (from talking to other nurses at his summer job) and now his dad and I are his biggest fans.

I don't even know your son and I'm kind of excited for him! What a gift to know what you want to do so early on, and have the courage to pursue it in this climate of everyone chasing the same brass ring.

I never heard of the term Excellent Sheep (and it looks like it's a book?) but I know EXACTLY what it means. Congrats, OP, you've got a winner of a kid. Good luck to him.

[Anonymous]

Is maritime college 4 years? Cost as much as regular U or company sponsorships avail?

[Anonymous]

OP.

We are out of state, and full pay, so in line with private tuition. It's going to be 40K-50K+ per year. Mass Maritime is perhaps 10-12K per year less than Maine. But it's his choice.

He has until May 1 to decide which one is best for him.

Merchant Marines are something we looked into, but ds was hard stop - he really actually knows what he likes and what he does not.

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds awesome. He knows what he wants to do and is choosing a college based on that, not on names. Sometimes the Ivies *aren't* the best--in your son's case, they wouldn't get him closer to his real goal. He has a real interest and he is pursuing it in a rational way. I'd be proud of him!

FWIW, I have a lot of friends who went to "lesser" schools for specific specialized programs (fisheries management, environmental law, underwater archeology), and they are doing great later in life.

[Anonymous]

I've really enjoyed this thread--senior year college application season is really stressful, and it's great to be reminded about how many different paths there are to a happy and fulfilling life.

I am also fascinated that so many people know folks who went into Maritime programs! I have an acquaintance whose brother is a tugboat captain in Norfolk, but I never stopped to consider how he got where he is.