Having a Good (but not Tiger Type) Kid

[Anonymous]

For both Op and the poster whose son is choosing nursing as a career, it is great that they are both mature enough to have a career interest and to apply to a school that will educate them for it. For you parents, please do not forget that for both it could be an initial degree with many other career possibilities. I am more familiar with the health care field, but a nursing degree itself could lead to one becoming a nurse practitioner with one's own practice in some case (and probably a lot more in the new scenario of medicine.) Some work for a time and then go back for a Physicians Assistant degree or specialized nursing degree. There also are the business and management side to health care that a nursing degree/experience might lead to. I can well imagine that any sort of a business or operations masters degree in the field could lead to all sorts o f possibilities. It is also possible that in the merchant marines an advanced degree might be paid for.

You are not going to change the opinion of your parents, but to your snooty friends, you might have a simple and positive statement on either field that it is neat that XX is a wide open field in terms of opportunity, and you are so glad you DS knows what he wants to be doing with his college education. And encourage both to look at career opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations to your son!

My uncle went to Cal Maritime; his son (my cousin) went to Kingspoint. My uncle worked on ships his entire career ... my cousin worked on oil tankers (I will never forget the late night call telling me his ship was leaving Valdez and he was piloting for the first time ) but now works outside of the industry.

They both have fascinating stories of their travels and have a perspective on other people and places that I can't get as a tourist. They both worked hard for additional certifications -- e.g., masters licenses, piloting licenses for restricted waters -- and had a LOT of responsibility and were well compensated for it.

And having visited Castine, Maine -- I can think of few places that would be nicer to go for parents weekend!

[Anonymous]

He is who he is -- you can't change him now as a senior in HS. You know this. Reality is -- you and your DH and parents/inlaws are ivy grads. You know if you wanted to groom him to be an ivy/top school type of kid, that doesn't start in 12th grade -- that starts by middle school at the latest. You didn't do that for whatever reason -- you didn't want to; his happiness; you thought your friends weren't doing that and now it turns out they are, whatever. A B student in the top 30% of his class only has some many options (not to say there aren't options, but not the same as the kids who are top 1% and straight A). Most of those types of kids go to state flagship u and find a job. Yours chooses not to do that instead focusing on a specific career that is only attainable if he goes to a maritime school, not flagship u. Be thankful he's at least pursuing something that'll grant him a career -- unlike half the people out there who will be majoring in English, taking up whatever job they can find in 4 yrs, and will suddenly be 30 and realize, they never intended to make a career in the insurance industry, it was just who was hiring on their campus.

As for the comments from grandparents, friends etc. -- you need to learn to accept them. The way the hierarchy stands -- bankers, biglaw, doctors -- that is what people know bc that is where the money is at traditionally. All other paths -- people will deem them "interesting" while wonder WTH is going on in your home to lead him there instead of a "traditional" profession. But you chose to raise him this way, so what choice is there now but to accept it?

[Anonymous]

We experienced a lot of this when our son enlisted in the Marines instead of going to college. Our friends were shocked and horrified, certain he would be killed. It was hard to take at the time but much less so now that he's doing better than a lot of his peers who were so college focused. Many of them are still on their parents' dime as perpetual grad students. Ours is now a college grad with honors making good money. Just love him.