Stop telling kids they are "gifted."

[Anonymous]

Any therapist who works with elementary/MS kids will tell you this is becoming really corrosive. There are a ton of kids really feeling the pressure to remain in gifted programs as they grow older but who were heavily coached in preschool or early elementary and are just nice, normal kids who are having lots of anxiety issues related to this designation. At MS, sometimes before, it often takes the form of antisocial behavior.

[Anonymous]

Um, OK.

(what are you even talking about.)

[Anonymous]

?? No one in DC is labeled. Were you directing your comments to the DC(Sub)UM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any therapist who works with elementary/MS kids will tell you this is becoming really corrosive. There are a ton of kids really feeling the pressure to remain in gifted programs as they grow older but who were heavily coached in preschool or early elementary and are just nice, normal kids who are having lots of anxiety issues related to this designation. At MS, sometimes before, it often takes the form of antisocial behavior.

Well, there's your problem.

Telling your child s/he is gifted, or not telling them, won't hinder them for life. Kids have been in gifted programs for decades, and some have anxiety and some don't. The label is not the problem, it's what the parents and child do with the label that's the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any therapist who works with elementary/MS kids will tell you this is becoming really corrosive. There are a ton of kids really feeling the pressure to remain in gifted programs as they grow older but who were heavily coached in preschool or early elementary and are just nice, normal kids who are having lots of anxiety issues related to this designation. At MS, sometimes before, it often takes the form of antisocial behavior.

If you have a point, make it in a way that makes sense. Did something happen or are you just giving us a PSA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any therapist who works with elementary/MS kids will tell you this is becoming really corrosive. There are a ton of kids really feeling the pressure to remain in gifted programs as they grow older but who were heavily coached in preschool or early elementary and are just nice, normal kids who are having lots of anxiety issues related to this designation. At MS, sometimes before, it often takes the form of antisocial behavior.

If you have a point, make it in a way that makes sense. Did something happen or are you just giving us a PSA?

This is the a-h*le from the SN forum who responds to a parent inquiring whether or not to have an educational evaluation for her child.

Nice try, PP, but just b/c you know one therapist who told you this doesn't mean it's true. It's their and apparently your opinion and not based on any clinical evidence.

[Anonymous]

I'm assuming you are speaking from experience.

[Anonymous]

I think you're looking at this the wrong way, OP.

First, gifted schools in this area cater to above-average IQ students who have managed to pass the entry requirements. That doesn't mean they're all "gifted". Gifted is on a word in the title.

Second, what does gifted even mean? Does it only include >130IQs? There are plenty of different ways of looking at concept.

Third, I have no problem telling my son he's gifted. I've told him he has to work hard and that being intelligent won't get him anywhere without hard work. He also has learning disabilities which he has had to work on from birth, so he knows better than you and I what hard work actually entails.

[Anonymous]

Read Madeline Levine, Ph.D., Stanford College of Education, author of "Teach Your Children Well," et. al. Her books are based on data from NIH and PEW, not some fad theory. "Gifted education" is part of the problem for many kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any therapist who works with elementary/MS kids will tell you this is becoming really corrosive. There are a ton of kids really feeling the pressure to remain in gifted programs as they grow older but who were heavily coached in preschool or early elementary and are just nice, normal kids who are having lots of anxiety issues related to this designation. At MS, sometimes before, it often takes the form of antisocial behavior.

If you have a point, make it in a way that makes sense. Did something happen or are you just giving us a PSA?

This is the a-h*le from the SN forum who responds to a parent inquiring whether or not to have an educational evaluation for her child.

Nice try, PP, but just b/c you know one therapist who told you this doesn't mean it's true. It's their and apparently your opinion and not based on any clinical evidence.

^^^
Not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read Madeline Levine, Ph.D., Stanford College of Education, author of "Teach Your Children Well," et. al. Her books are based on data from NIH and PEW, not some fad theory. "Gifted education" is part of the problem for many kids.

We've all heard this for years. We read Nurtureshock, etc.

That's not what OP was complaining about, though, she's complaining about overstressed kids with overanxious parents.

[Anonymous]

I tell my son that he is intelligent. He is. He's also dyslexic. He has ADHD. He is unmedicated. He has a very high IQ. He has a high emotional IQ. He has empathy. He has common sense. He has a fascinating way of thinking. He is one of the most interesting people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He'll never graduate with an advanced diploma. He will, however, go on to accomplish great things in life. One day you may all know his name. You won't know that he's mine, but I'll know.

[Anonymous]

I'm the mom of two "gifted kids". I don't care two figs for that label other than as way to get my kids the education they need. See, without the label parents are looked at as biased, pushy parents who think their kid is a "special snowflake. Anecdotal evidence about what the kids are capable of doing and how miserable they are at school is dismissed. So, we jump through hoops to take whatever tests our school district requires for a "gifted" label so that they can get into a "gifted" program so that they can finally get an education that meets their needs. We're still looked at as pushy parents, but our kids have a better chance of getting help.

While there may indeed be some pushy parents, there are a lot of parents whose kids are pulling us and we're running behind trying to catch up. Perhaps if schools would work with the kid who tries to ask their teacher if they could please learn something new, we wouldn't need the label at all. Until then, we're forced to use it because it's the only tool we have.

Incidentally, it doesn't always mean much. We held on from Kindergarten through second grade hoping that when they tested for "giftedness" things would improve. In third grade she finally was identified as "gifted" and we received a letter from the school telling us of her new designation and that the school would be providing "gifted" services. What supplementary education did she receive due to her label? One chapter of Charlotte's web.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read Madeline Levine, Ph.D., Stanford College of Education, author of "Teach Your Children Well," et. al. Her books are based on data from NIH and PEW, not some fad theory. "Gifted education" is part of the problem for many kids.

We've all heard this for years. We read Nurtureshock, etc.

That's not what OP was complaining about, though, she's complaining about overstressed kids with overanxious parents.

No, she's not. She responded yesterday to a thread on the SN forum:

Anonymous wrote:
Hello all,

I have an 8 year old that is exhibiting some very challenging behaviors and I'm not quite sure how to address. This is what we're dealing with:
--very defiant
--argumentative at home and school
--not filtering what he says
--interupting
--explosive temper sometimes when not getting his way (yelling, destroying things in room if sent there to cool down)
--seems very bright in others' opinions (e.g., reading and math at advanced levels, picks things up quickly, asks probing and unconventional questions)
--when correcting his BEHAvIOR, typically responds with "you just think I'm stupid!" (We constantly say that is not the case at all!)
--exaggerates situations and seems generally pessimistic. When sick, the world is ending and he "just wants to die."
--seems to have developed some tics(?) within the last year (certain repeated body movements)

These behaviors seem to be accelerating and it's really been impacting things at home and school. Reading some others posts in this forum, I am wondering if ADHD or anxiety may be at play?

Recommendations for first step? Is a neuropsych evaluation what we need to do to figure out what is going on?

Any helpful information you can share will be much appreciated. This is really taking a toll on everyone."

This OP responded,

"My friend who is a psychiatrist says these behaviors are really growing in kids who have been told they're "gifted." The idea that they are superior to others is corrosive."

Yet no where in the mom's post did she mention gifted.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/604045.page

This OP has a weird axe to grind.

Plus, Dweck's and Levine's research is about teaching values and parenting style:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/05/opinion/sunday/raising-successful-children.html

I don't think the OP's actually read Levine's book.

[Anonymous]

I see it as, I don't want my kid to sit in a classroom she/he is bored in. And sometimes, if it's too easy, she/he gets bored because they can get the work done faster.

And sometimes, some parents feel if their kid is behind in something, the child will be left behind or left out in other things because they are either not understanding or not accepted by other peers/parents.