Stop telling kids they are "gifted."

[Anonymous]

Chill out dcum. If you kid is smart, great. If yours is a dum dum, be happy as long as he is healthy. Give them the best of what you can, and let them fly out into the world by themselves as capable adults. Thats the best you can.

What you SHOULDNT do is 1. Brag about your baby einstein 2. Pooh pooh some genuine concerns from parents of smart kids who are trying their best to give their kids the best future they can

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chill out dcum. If you kid is smart, great. If yours is a dum dum, be happy as long as he is healthy. Give them the best of what you can, and let them fly out into the world by themselves as capable adults. Thats the best you can.

What you SHOULDNT do is 1. Brag about your baby einstein 2. Pooh pooh some genuine concerns from parents of smart kids who are trying their best to give their kids the best future they can

And if they're not healthy? If they have some sort of disability? Should we then mourn our child?

I think what you meant to say is celebrate and feel proud of whatever child you have, regardless of whether their strength is academic or somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

OP is right. My kid brings home straight As and I have never called him gifted because I don't think of him as gifted - - he's a hard working focused kid. I prefer he think of himself that way. I'd hate to think what he'd be like if I ran around calling him gifted. Almost as bad as calling your kid prince or princess. And parents actually buy them crowns and tiaras!!! Hahaha. Oh well, to each his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. My kid brings home straight As and I have never called him gifted because I don't think of him as gifted - - he's a hard working focused kid. I prefer he think of himself that way. I'd hate to think what he'd be like if I ran around calling him gifted. Almost as bad as calling your kid prince or princess. And parents actually buy them crowns and tiaras!!! Hahaha. Oh well, to each his own.

Yep. Completely agree. And the research backs us up too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any therapist who works with elementary/MS kids will tell you this is becoming really corrosive. There are a ton of kids really feeling the pressure to remain in gifted programs as they grow older but who were heavily coached in preschool or early elementary and are just nice, normal kids who are having lots of anxiety issues related to this designation. At MS, sometimes before, it often takes the form of antisocial behavior.

If you have a point, make it in a way that makes sense. Did something happen or are you just giving us a PSA?

This is the a-h*le from the SN forum who responds to a parent inquiring whether or not to have an educational evaluation for her child.

Nice try, PP, but just b/c you know one therapist who told you this doesn't mean it's true. It's their and apparently your opinion and not based on any clinical evidence.

NP here, it's well known and backed by research that it's better to praise a child for effort not for being smart.

New poster.

It is alsp very well known, documented and backed by research that gifted children need specialized and differentiated classroom instruction.

That's different from telling a child they are gifted.

Okey dokey then.

Gifted kids figure this out pretty early on in any case b/c they are in accelerated/advanced math, reading etc.

So is it still okay for them to take these classes? Is there a special code word we should start using for these classes that you would deem acceptable?

Look, I'm not the OP here and I wouldn't have ranted on this topic but as the parent of a (very young) second grader who has tested at beyond 6th grade in math and reading (above 99th percentile) I can tell you I am doing everything I can to prevent him hearing that term. It's bad enough other kids or well meaning adults calling him a genius etc as they have since he was three. Normalizing his abilities (even if they are abnormal) and praising him for effort/not making a big deal out of his achievements will be better for him in the long run than giving him a label, which as the research has shown is damaging.

So then ypu started the thread to humble brag about your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any therapist who works with elementary/MS kids will tell you this is becoming really corrosive. There are a ton of kids really feeling the pressure to remain in gifted programs as they grow older but who were heavily coached in preschool or early elementary and are just nice, normal kids who are having lots of anxiety issues related to this designation. At MS, sometimes before, it often takes the form of antisocial behavior.

If you have a point, make it in a way that makes sense. Did something happen or are you just giving us a PSA?

This is the a-h*le from the SN forum who responds to a parent inquiring whether or not to have an educational evaluation for her child.

Nice try, PP, but just b/c you know one therapist who told you this doesn't mean it's true. It's their and apparently your opinion and not based on any clinical evidence.

NP here, it's well known and backed by research that it's better to praise a child for effort not for being smart.

New poster.

It is alsp very well known, documented and backed by research that gifted children need specialized and differentiated classroom instruction.

That's different from telling a child they are gifted.

Okey dokey then.

Gifted kids figure this out pretty early on in any case b/c they are in accelerated/advanced math, reading etc.

So is it still okay for them to take these classes? Is there a special code word we should start using for these classes that you would deem acceptable?

Look, I'm not the OP here and I wouldn't have ranted on this topic but as the parent of a (very young) second grader who has tested at beyond 6th grade in math and reading (above 99th percentile) I can tell you I am doing everything I can to prevent him hearing that term. It's bad enough other kids or well meaning adults calling him a genius etc as they have since he was three. Normalizing his abilities (even if they are abnormal) and praising him for effort/not making a big deal out of his achievements will be better for him in the long run than giving him a label, which as the research has shown is damaging.

So then you started the thread to humble brag about your kid?

You are obviously not a gifted reader, PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. My kid brings home straight As and I have never called him gifted because I don't think of him as gifted - - he's a hard working focused kid. I prefer he think of himself that way. I'd hate to think what he'd be like if I ran around calling him gifted. Almost as bad as calling your kid prince or princess. And parents actually buy them crowns and tiaras!!! Hahaha. Oh well, to each his own.

Yep. Completely agree. And the research backs us up too.

What research? Please quote it. Go ahead and search PubMed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any therapist who works with elementary/MS kids will tell you this is becoming really corrosive. There are a ton of kids really feeling the pressure to remain in gifted programs as they grow older but who were heavily coached in preschool or early elementary and are just nice, normal kids who are having lots of anxiety issues related to this designation. At MS, sometimes before, it often takes the form of antisocial behavior.

If you have a point, make it in a way that makes sense. Did something happen or are you just giving us a PSA?

This is the a-h*le from the SN forum who responds to a parent inquiring whether or not to have an educational evaluation for her child.

Nice try, PP, but just b/c you know one therapist who told you this doesn't mean it's true. It's their and apparently your opinion and not based on any clinical evidence.

NP here, it's well known and backed by research that it's better to praise a child for effort not for being smart.

New poster.

It is alsp very well known, documented and backed by research that gifted children need specialized and differentiated classroom instruction.

That's different from telling a child they are gifted.

Okey dokey then.

Gifted kids figure this out pretty early on in any case b/c they are in accelerated/advanced math, reading etc.

So is it still okay for them to take these classes? Is there a special code word we should start using for these classes that you would deem acceptable?

Look, I'm not the OP here and I wouldn't have ranted on this topic but as the parent of a (very young) second grader who has tested at beyond 6th grade in math and reading (above 99th percentile) I can tell you I am doing everything I can to prevent him hearing that term. It's bad enough other kids or well meaning adults calling him a genius etc as they have since he was three. Normalizing his abilities (even if they are abnormal) and praising him for effort/not making a big deal out of his achievements will be better for him in the long run than giving him a label, which as the research has shown is damaging.

What research proves this? It doesn't exist.

Here's a good layman's summary of the three decades of research that you claim to be unaware of.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-secret-to-raising-smart-kids1/

This isn't a result of a study,
"The result plays out in children like Jonathan, who coast through the early grades under the dangerous notion that no-effort academic achievement defines them as smart or gifted. Such children hold an implicit belief that intelligence is innate and fixed, making striving to learn seem far less important than being (or looking) smart. This belief also makes them see challenges, mistakes and even the need to exert effort as threats to their ego rather than as opportunities to improve. And it causes them to lose confidence and motivation when the work is no longer easy for them..."

This is extrapolation from studies. It has more with parenting attitudes than calling a kid gifted.

[Anonymous]

To answer the last poster, many highly gifted kids do coast through much of school in the early years through middle school because it IS so easy for them, then struggle later when things get difficult because they have never had to put forty even a little effort to excell.

That is why gifted education is so important.

OPs research is supporting gifted labels and gifted education.

[Anonymous]

I have a highly gifted kid. She was bused off site to gifted centers and we were encouraged to enroll her in college her 7th grade year. She is a National Merit Scholar and recent college grad.

Being labeled "gifted" was the worst thing the schools could have done. She suffers from a fairly serious anxiety disorder even now as an adult. Nothing but perfection is ever good enough. I saw her throw up many times over a grade of 98%. In college nothing but perfect grades were ok with her. Her entire identity was (is) wrapped up in that fucking label. And nothing we did as parents helped.

If I could go back in time, I would homeschooled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. My kid brings home straight As and I have never called him gifted because I don't think of him as gifted - - he's a hard working focused kid. I prefer he think of himself that way. I'd hate to think what he'd be like if I ran around calling him gifted. Almost as bad as calling your kid prince or princess. And parents actually buy them crowns and tiaras!!! Hahaha. Oh well, to each his own.

Getting As has very little to do with IQ/giftedness. It just means you are doing what the teacher expects of you and learning the material presented. Sometimes it also means you are a kid with neat handwriting and quiet behavior.

I know very high IQ, obviously gifted kids who don't bother to do the school work and get bad grades. They can be terrible students in the traditional sense. Some gifted kids are people pleasers, and some don't see the point of school. They are like elephants in a circus doing mindless tricks for no personal reward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To answer the last poster, many highly gifted kids do coast through much of school in the early years through middle school because it IS so easy for them, then struggle later when things get difficult because they have never had to put forty even a little effort to excell.

That is why gifted education is so important.

OPs research is supporting gifted labels and gifted education.

Yeah, I coaster through grade school, middle and high school, college, and much of law school. Yes, I was in a GT program, took all AP classes, etc. School was never hard.

School is not the place to learn failure, perseverance, grit, etc. Extracurriculars, hobbies, life teaches that.

And anecdotally, many of the other very smart people I know also have anxiety. I wouldn't say assume that they are separable. Not every gifted child or adult has anxiety, but many of them do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a highly gifted kid. She was bused off site to gifted centers and we were encouraged to enroll her in college her 7th grade year. She is a National Merit Scholar and recent college grad.

Being labeled "gifted" was the worst thing the schools could have done. She suffers from a fairly serious anxiety disorder even now as an adult. Nothing but perfection is ever good enough. I saw her throw up many times over a grade of 98%. In college nothing but perfect grades were ok with her. Her entire identity was (is) wrapped up in that fucking label. And nothing we did as parents helped.

If I could go back in time, I would homeschooled.

Thank you for sharing your experience. This is exactly why we are doing our best to avoid it for our kid. Personally I had a similar experience so I know it's important and the research also backs this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. My kid brings home straight As and I have never called him gifted because I don't think of him as gifted - - he's a hard working focused kid. I prefer he think of himself that way. I'd hate to think what he'd be like if I ran around calling him gifted. Almost as bad as calling your kid prince or princess. And parents actually buy them crowns and tiaras!!! Hahaha. Oh well, to each his own.

Yep. Completely agree. And the research backs us up too.

What research? Please quote it. Go ahead and search PubMed.

There's a ton of it. Here's one example.

http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/psp/75/1/33/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. My kid brings home straight As and I have never called him gifted because I don't think of him as gifted - - he's a hard working focused kid. I prefer he think of himself that way. I'd hate to think what he'd be like if I ran around calling him gifted. Almost as bad as calling your kid prince or princess. And parents actually buy them crowns and tiaras!!! Hahaha. Oh well, to each his own.

Yep. Completely agree. And the research backs us up too.

What research? Please quote it. Go ahead and search PubMed.

PUbMed? You want health research? This is typically a topic for educational psychologists. Or do you not actually know anything about research and just mention the first database that pops in your head?