Not sure where to begin in addressing 8 year old's behavior

[Anonymous]

Hello all,

I have an 8 year old that is exhibiting some very challenging behaviors and I'm not quite sure how to address. This is what we're dealing with:
--very defiant
--argumentative at home and school
--not filtering what he says
--interupting
--explosive temper sometimes when not getting his way (yelling, destroying things in room if sent there to cool down)
--seems very bright in others' opinions (e.g., reading and math at advanced levels, picks things up quickly, asks probing and unconventional questions)
--when correcting his BEHAvIOR, typically responds with "you just think I'm stupid!" (We constantly say that is not the case at all!)
--exaggerates situations and seems generally pessimistic. When sick, the world is ending and he "just wants to die."
--seems to have developed some tics(?) within the last year (certain repeated body movements)

These behaviors seem to be accelerating and it's really been impacting things at home and school. Reading some others posts in this forum, I am wondering if ADHD or anxiety may be at play?

Recommendations for first step? Is a neuropsych evaluation what we need to do to figure out what is going on?

Any helpful information you can share will be much appreciated. This is really taking a toll on everyone.

[Anonymous]

My dc's behaviors began to worsen around that age and we think it was due to puberty/hormones.

The standard advice with sudden onset of tics is to check for PANDAS.

[Anonymous]

My 8 YO DD (who is an absolute delight otherwise, really smart, creative and funny), is very much the same (minus the tics, but she is a nail biter big time). We finally broke down and requested an appointment for a full neuropsych at Children's to check for ADHD, but also took her for a behavioral evaluation at KKI. We have only been through the first appointment so far, and have two more coming, but I will post back to see what this is. We just can't handle it anymore, and she hates feeling so out of control and upset as well (as she admits when in her more cheerful moments). Hang in there OP! I will be following this thread as well.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I think a neuropsychological evaluation. If these behaviors are ongoing and affecting him at school, then the public school may agree to test him. See the Wrights Law website for how to initiate the IEP process: http://wrightslaw.com

You can use a private tester; usually it's not covered by insurance, but check with yours. KKI or Children's are also possibilities for testing and are often covered by insurance at these places.

Your son could probably benefit from a social skill group or class that emphasizes flexible thinking. We did the one at Ivymount, which was expensive, but it came with a concurrent parent class that I found invaluable. You can read the book:
https://www.amazon.com/Solving-Executive-Function-Challenges-Unstuck/dp/1598576038/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481135690&sr=1-2&keywords=unstuck+and+on+target

The research was done with kids on the spectrum, however kids with anxiety, ADHD, executive functioning issues can "get stuck" in their thinking as well. The techniques can be used pretty much any kid. In essence how to make a plan B and move on from the initial disappointment/disagreement.

If your son does have ADHD or anxiety, medications might help him regulate his mood, so he's more receptive to working on these skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dc's behaviors began to worsen around that age and we think it was due to puberty/hormones.

The standard advice with sudden onset of tics is to check for PANDAS.

Make appointments for neuropsych etc, but waits are long. This you can take of quickly. Get strep tests, including ASO and anti-DNASE B. PANDAS can cause behavioral problems.

[Anonymous]

Read the work of Ross Greene, either THE EXPLOSIVE CHILD or the material on his website (www.livesinthebalance.org). His approach is that kids "do well when they can"--and that problematic behaviors like the ones you cite are often signs of lagging skills (mostly around executive functioning and self-regulation.)

I found his work immensely helpful in getting me out of a moralizing mindset about my kid and getting me toward seeing what her needs really were. (Of course, that doesn't always help when you're faced with the moralizing of others, but it's a start.)

GL! It's a tough road you're on.

[Anonymous]

The moments in time our DS has acted with some of these traits have always turned out to be something going on with his learning and school environment. Did the full neurophysch eval and we discovered Dyslexia and Anxiety. He acts out when he is stressed (reading/writing) and in an environment he feels save in (home). His behavior at school was fine.

[Anonymous]

13:28 I haven't heard of the behavior evaluation at KKI. Can you tell us more about it? My son is very similar the OP's DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:28 I haven't heard of the behavior evaluation at KKI. Can you tell us more about it? My son is very similar the OP's DS.

Basically, they do the same kinds of assessments you'd find in a private practice:
https://www.kennedykrieger.org/patient-care/departments/neuropsychology-department/neuropsychological-assessments

[Anonymous]

Has he always been like this, to some degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello all,

I have an 8 year old that is exhibiting some very challenging behaviors and I'm not quite sure how to address. This is what we're dealing with:
--very defiant
--argumentative at home and school
--not filtering what he says
--interupting
--explosive temper sometimes when not getting his way (yelling, destroying things in room if sent there to cool down)
--seems very bright in others' opinions (e.g., reading and math at advanced levels, picks things up quickly, asks probing and unconventional questions)
--when correcting his BEHAvIOR, typically responds with "you just think I'm stupid!" (We constantly say that is not the case at all!)
--exaggerates situations and seems generally pessimistic. When sick, the world is ending and he "just wants to die."
--seems to have developed some tics(?) within the last year (certain repeated body movements)

These behaviors seem to be accelerating and it's really been impacting things at home and school. Reading some others posts in this forum, I am wondering if ADHD or anxiety may be at play?

Recommendations for first step? Is a neuropsych evaluation what we need to do to figure out what is going on?

Any helpful information you can share will be much appreciated. This is really taking a toll on everyone.

My friend who is a psychiatrist says these behaviors are really growing in kids who have been told they're "gifted." The idea that they are superior to others is corrosive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My friend who is a psychiatrist says these behaviors are really growing in kids who have been told they're "gifted." The idea that they are superior to others is corrosive.

Wow, you and your "friend" are full of crap.

[Anonymous]

GET A THERAPIST!! Why is everyone's first recommendation a neuro psych eval? Holy shit that is going to be months down the road and isnt' in everyone's budget. AND it's over pathologizing her kid. MAYBE it's ADHD, or maybe he's just hitting puberty. Get thee to a therapist asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GET A THERAPIST!! Why is everyone's first recommendation a neuro psych eval? Holy shit that is going to be months down the road and isnt' in everyone's budget. AND it's over pathologizing her kid. MAYBE it's ADHD, or maybe he's just hitting puberty. Get thee to a therapist asap.

A therapist isn't going to make a sustaining change if a child has anxiety, ADHD, and/or executive functioning issues b/c these issues are impacting school on a regular basis. They will need an IEP.

This is why the SN forum shouldn't be in the recent topics. And, I'm not sure why you think a child therapist is a heck of a lot cheaper. Many aren't covered by insurance and weekly visits, plus the intake evaluation? At least know what you're treating.

[Anonymous]

A neuropsych will tell you what you're really dealing with which helps in creating a plan.

I really agree with PP about Ross Greene's The Explosive Child. I also found the Whole-Brained Child (different author) valuable if for no other reason than the introduction to mindsight ... a technique for emotional regulation and integration.