I seemed to have missed the memo to "marry rich"

[Anonymous]

It’s just as easy to love a rich man as a poor man. And just as feminist too really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM mom to a high earner (whom I married when we were in college) but it was a total fluke. I dated lots of men who never had high earning potential and was even engaged to one of them.

I never wanted to be a SAHM but then health issues made working really hard for me, and DH never wanted to be a big law partner, but he found that the work really suits his abilities.

I am so glad I didn't try to marry for money. My husband is awesome.

I’m sorry you married a lawyer. Him being wealthy is hardly a shock. Most lawyers are in it for the money, let’s be real. You would have known early own if he was planning to be a hair shirt environmental or law enforcement lawyer, and I’m sure you would have bailed.

Are you under the impression that most lawyers earn lots of money? They typically don’t. Median is like 120. Solid but that’s about it. DH and I knew this when he applied to law school so we definitely didn’t imagine he would ever hit his current salary (575). Plus, he started in 2009, right as all my friends were losing jobs and offers. He didn’t go to a top law school so he was just hoping for a decent-paying job.

Your comment is just obnoxious so I probably shoot just ignore it but I do think that my experience shows that it’s all just luck unless you’re born into wealth.

Also I was (or am, I suppose) a lawyer too so you should feel at least as sorry for my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM mom to a high earner (whom I married when we were in college) but it was a total fluke. I dated lots of men who never had high earning potential and was even engaged to one of them.

I never wanted to be a SAHM but then health issues made working really hard for me, and DH never wanted to be a big law partner, but he found that the work really suits his abilities.

I am so glad I didn't try to marry for money. My husband is awesome.

I’m sorry you married a lawyer. Him being wealthy is hardly a shock. Most lawyers are in it for the money, let’s be real. You would have known early own if he was planning to be a hair shirt environmental or law enforcement lawyer, and I’m sure you would have bailed.

DP. This is such a dumb post. You know plenty of lawyers start out on the biglaw track, and then leave, either by choice or because they are told they won't make partner, right? In fact many of the attorneys at my fed agency were biglaw refugees who seem happy by all accounts.

[Anonymous]

I know one person who is like this. Everyone else married about on par and are happy working moms with fulfilling careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM mom to a high earner (whom I married when we were in college) but it was a total fluke. I dated lots of men who never had high earning potential and was even engaged to one of them.

I never wanted to be a SAHM but then health issues made working really hard for me, and DH never wanted to be a big law partner, but he found that the work really suits his abilities.

I am so glad I didn't try to marry for money. My husband is awesome.

I’m sorry you married a lawyer. Him being wealthy is hardly a shock. Most lawyers are in it for the money, let’s be real. You would have known early own if he was planning to be a hair shirt environmental or law enforcement lawyer, and I’m sure you would have bailed.

DP. This is such a dumb post. You know plenty of lawyers start out on the biglaw track, and then leave, either by choice or because they are told they won't make partner, right? In fact many of the attorneys at my fed agency were biglaw refugees who seem happy by all accounts.

+1. And there was no rash of divorces as my peers began to exit biglaw. Most biglawyers and their spouses are keenly aware that a massive pay cut is coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met DH in grad school. On paper, I probably had higher earning potential just based on prestige of schools. But life happened. I made some choices like not taking the low work-life balance job that paid extremely well, and I do feel that I have hit a glass ceiling professionally even in the roles I have taken. In addition, DH graduated about a year before me, which meant he established his career first, and I sort of needed to fit around that (sort of, because we could have made other choices, but that's how it worked out).

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of well-educated, self-sufficient, feminist women are like me.

Same. And once our youngest got to first grade I took a $1M+/ yr job again from my $250k one so my husband wasn’t the only one contributing $1m+/yr. plus mine had more wealth creation, profit sharing carry and lower tax rate setup.

PP, what profession you are in?

Tech investing since early 2000s. Dialed it down during kids younger and did passive investing for an institutional investor and dialed it back up to the buyside fund after youngest was 6. Had a blast the whole time. Can always sit on more boards as well, or in early retirement.

[Anonymous]

For real. I make 3x as much as my husband. We're happy but I'd love to quit my job and volunteer at the school and stuff. I've honestly decided that I'm going to talk to my girls about this when they get older. They need to marry someone that allows them to have options.

[Anonymous]

I went to a couple Ivies and never met a single woman like this. There was no memo.

[Anonymous]

As an aside, my spouse and I came from middle class families that worked hard. We have the same values but got full rides at top upgrad and grad schools based on merit and grit. Know how to navigate a job search overseas and east/west coasts. Now everything is network based and inbounds.

So to OPs questions we like challenging technical professions where qualitative skills matter as well. High risks and returns. We also live below our means and save due to volatile cash bonus structures and long term carry payouts.

[Anonymous]

There is a difference in marrying money as someone with lots and lots of family money and marrying someone who in the words of a past time has good prospects. Law School student at a top school has good prospects. May not be a Biglaw partner ever but can do well. That has to fit into the thinking in looking for a spouse. That does not mean you reject the love of your life who makes 40k but it is crazy not to be a factor.

From the guy side, less of an issue as most guys assume that their wife will at some point, for some amount of time stay at home. Assuming they can afford it. PP mentioned how many spouses of biglaw partners there are who work. That is true. But in my experience spouses of Biglaw partners do not work at some point for some time. Not all but most. And most of the SAHM are lawyers themselves.

People make choices and those choices should not be criticized by anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a couple Ivies and never met a single woman like this. There was no memo.

+1

Educated, independent woman who are mature and level headed do not think like OP.

[Anonymous]

I agree with above. I met my spouse in school and knew he was going to a fed job and that was just fine with me. It’s a comfortable life. Imagine my surprise after we get engaged, and I find out there is family money…. Lots of family money. You would never know it by his demeanor or habits or that of his family. They are very kind and down to earth people. I truly feel like I hit the lottery without planning for it. Life is very good and most importantly he loves me and treats me well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I NT don’t think you missed the memo. You have to fit in with that crowd to begin with. They must likely know each other or are friends of friends through private school and frats and vacationing in the same places. It’s not like Jordyn from po dunk western PA is going to fit in with the hedge fund crowd that grew up in Darien.

if Jordyn goes to Swathmore or Amherst and makes friends and then moves to NYC or Boston or San Francisco, they will. Likewise, the UMC kid going to Rye Country day who flunks out of some random SEC school isn't going to be doing much mingling with young professionals for long unless his parents underwrite his existence

DP here. For the record, if I had to rely on IL's money - just no. OP, you seem like the type who would screen your IL's for potential inheritance. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Low drive women marry low drive men.

+1

Sums it up, right here.

[Anonymous]

I make 3x more than DH. He brings lots to the table, including laying the pipe. He's also the smartest man I know, the most fun and a devoted father.

Do I wish he made more? Sure. I also wish I won the mega millions and to be the sole heir of a rich uncle I didn't know existed.

It's fine. We prioritize in life.