How hard are the teen years, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 16-year-old son and nothing has been tough. He is fantastic and independent and makes good decisions. It depends on the kid.

I would have said this ... then 17 came around. Hope you knocked on wood.

Hahaha +1 then 18 happened in April, and an admirable college acceptance. He was/is the kindest human I've ever known. Butting heads is an understatement lately. We just argued via text, about having a bunch of his friends over last minute. I said no, and stuck to it. He just stormed in solo and said, I'm not going to ask next time, it's my house too, why the hell did you build this house and pool if we can't hang out. I seem awful right? Well...

For the last 13 years, I've generously welcomed, laughed with, consoled, fed, transported all of these kids. I love them, but not enough for them to be a liability. Day will turn to night. Some will sneak alcohol in, and I'm not having it! There's a big beautiful beach they can walk to for a bonfire. I'm freakin tired of being the house!

[Anonymous]

In my experience, very difficult. On the surface DS is a great kid- good grades, polite, active in extracurriculars. But what many people don’t know is that we’ve dealt with anxiety, depression, cutting, weed and alcohol use, and the suicide of a friend. None of that has been easy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a very difficult teen, but I'm a very successful adult. Severe ADHD

DP. Could you share what helped you to change, if that's possible without giving away identifying info?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I struggled with 1st through 6th grade with my kids. I found them to be boring and toy obsessed and not great at holding conversations. When they were around 12/13 I started liking them again. We could find common interests, have deep conversations, etc.

All our kids have had moments of being Crazy Teens, but it was like ... an hour or a day and then they're over it.

I think you and I are similar lol. "boring and toy obsessed"...100%. Love my child but not great company.

[Anonymous]

My older two are college aged now. I loved the teen years with them. DD had patches of anxiety here and there when dealing with mean girls and MS social dynamics, and there were a couple sports team dramas, but I can’t actually think of any negative or difficult behavior from her. She was and is brilliant, funny, independent, kind, had a great group of similar friends in HS and now college, and she never drank or engaged in other risky behaviors.

DH and I have different views on how easy our older DS was as a teen. He was somehow born thinking he should be in charge of the house, and he and DH have butted heads many times through the years. I truly did sometimes feel like I was watching a nature program with two alphas battling to take over the pack. DS caused me a fair amount of anxiety because his group of popular friends were much more into partying than DD’s staid group. We had many conversations about the dangers of alcohol starting when he came home from homecoming drunk as could be, and I worried every time he went to a party. Fortunately, he had an extremely demanding sports schedule—he’s playing D1 now—and so only went to a fraction of the parties the wildest in his group did. I think his drive to succeed in his sport made him buckle down in school and helped keep him away from drugs and vaping. It’s shocking to me how many of his friends did both.

We feel lucky given that many of our friends’ teens dealt with much more serious issues, including suicidal depression, anorexia, severe ADHD, severe OCD, addiction, and bipolar disorder. We have our fingers crossed that our tween will stay safe and healthy. He’s generally delightful, but man is this kid ever stubborn and argumentative. Not a surprise given that DH and I were very much the same way growing up, but it has made me more sympathetic to my parents.