DH is extremely low energy. Options?

[Anonymous]

OP, just make the appointment and take him to the doctor for a complete physical. Go with him. Either something is medically wrong or he is depressed.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd see a lawyer for sure, make a plan. The house, I'd sell it. Market is hot right now. Divorce, rent for a year or two and then buy on your own when the market cools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he is on drugs, and that's why he is avoiding doctor?

+1. Was going to ask the same thing, given the reluctance to see the doctor. Could he be worried he would be drug tested?

[Anonymous]

I would prepare a formal separation agreement, tell him honestly and calmly that you are truly miserable, and ask him to sign it. Tell him you'll drop the kids of with him Wednesday and Friday nights for overnights. Say you're giving him three months to work on himself and then you can revisit and decide whether to reconcile or proceed to divorce.

[Anonymous]

I’d be worried he has cancer or something! Adults don’t need to sleep more than 8 hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you can divorce him and hope he doesn't take the initiative to fight for equal parenting time, or to actually pick the kids up. You can just offer "oh, if it's easier for you I can keep them this weekend because Larlo has karate and Larla has tennis and they each have a birthday party."

It's a risky strategy for the kids but may be worth it to you.

Yeah I would do this too. My friend did this and it worked out well when the kids were small. As they got older she wanted a break and decided to force him to parent. He was too lazy to ask.

[Anonymous]

Sending my sympathy. This sounds a lot like my husband at low times.

cPTSD
ADHD-takes Adderall
BP-takes BP medicine & water pill
Low Vit D-takes vitamin

My DH mostly has a very high pressure, long hours, intellectually rigorous job. But at periods when his between projects especially during summers when the hot weather bugs him he will just sleep all day or lie in bed-literally all day. It’s sad but for us it’s just periodic.

I think you need to give him one chance to go to the doctor, with you for a full work up.

For me, knowing my DH is at least trying to be okay is the only reason we are together. I do 100% everything for childcare and household. He does cuddle/play interact but doesn’t do any of the hard or boring stuff. I figure if we split up I’d be doing everything anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would prepare a formal separation agreement, tell him honestly and calmly that you are truly miserable, and ask him to sign it. Tell him you'll drop the kids of with him Wednesday and Friday nights for overnights. Say you're giving him three months to work on himself and then you can revisit and decide whether to reconcile or proceed to divorce.

Op here. Does this tend to work? I somehow worry it wouldn’t work on my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would prepare a formal separation agreement, tell him honestly and calmly that you are truly miserable, and ask him to sign it. Tell him you'll drop the kids of with him Wednesday and Friday nights for overnights. Say you're giving him three months to work on himself and then you can revisit and decide whether to reconcile or proceed to divorce.

Op here. Does this tend to work? I somehow worry it wouldn’t work on my DH.

He could refuse to sign but I’d beg him too. No it likely won’t work and you should be fully prepared for that. But it’s pretty much your last bet.

[Anonymous]

Ultimatums always work well!

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t see that you have any other options except for divorce. Can you document how he is incapable of caring for the kids and speak with a lawyer? He sounds like he would not want much more than a weekend a month of the kids…

[Anonymous]

He needs to take B12 supplements. That's all I got on this one.