DH is extremely low energy. Options?

[Anonymous]

Maybe legal separation? As opposed to divorce with the standard 50% custody, there can be more flexibility in separation. His days with the kids can be more limited. You do not want to keep racking up years with him, dwindling to joblessness, and then you owe years of alimony for supporting him. If you legally separate then that stops the clock on alimony.

[Anonymous]

Talk to a lawyer about a post nuptial agreement. Maybe you can give him some kind of ultimatum and he will sign it.

[Anonymous]

If you get divorced there is no way he will want/take the kids 50%. But he definitely needs a medical work up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are done, OP, which is sounds about right after all this time. You don't have the energy to force him to go to the doctor so save that energy to contact a divorce lawyer. You will probably be able to have your custody time increased based on his medical/psychiatric needs. I think you know that there is only one option for you left.

+1 You could try legal separation first, to ease into it. but why on earth should you continue like this? It's misery and I agree with a PP it's a terrible example to set for the kids all the way around. With his energy issues, guarantee he won't be able to handle or want the kids 50% of the time anyway. 1-2 days per week of tv and fast food wouldn't be the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are done, OP, which is sounds about right after all this time. You don't have the energy to force him to go to the doctor so save that energy to contact a divorce lawyer. You will probably be able to have your custody time increased based on his medical/psychiatric needs. I think you know that there is only one option for you left.

+1 You could try legal separation first, to ease into it. but why on earth should you continue like this? It's misery and I agree with a PP it's a terrible example to set for the kids all the way around. With his energy issues, guarantee he won't be able to handle or want the kids 50% of the time anyway. 1-2 days per week of tv and fast food wouldn't be the end of the world.

I agree with this take. He may agree to take action if you do this. Or not. But your situation is untenable.

[Anonymous]

For now, can you give him Vitamin D3 5,000 IU chewable and St John Wart?

[Anonymous]

I would be concerned about his part time work. Will you have to pay alimony? Talk to an attorney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he is on drugs, and that's why he is avoiding doctor?

Op here. He’s definitely not on drugs.

Also, yes he’s depressed but that’s only one dimension of this. He’s also got several other health problems that he won’t address (blood pressure, diabetes, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be concerned about his part time work. Will you have to pay alimony? Talk to an attorney.

Op here. I’ve always earned more and yes I’ll be on the hook for alimony and also giving him half of my retirement (of course I get it, it’s “our” retirement money but I’m the one who funded and managed it while supporting him through his ph. D and multiple periods of unemployment).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are done, OP, which is sounds about right after all this time. You don't have the energy to force him to go to the doctor so save that energy to contact a divorce lawyer. You will probably be able to have your custody time increased based on his medical/psychiatric needs. I think you know that there is only one option for you left.

+1 You could try legal separation first, to ease into it. but why on earth should you continue like this? It's misery and I agree with a PP it's a terrible example to set for the kids all the way around. With his energy issues, guarantee he won't be able to handle or want the kids 50% of the time anyway. 1-2 days per week of tv and fast food wouldn't be the end of the world.

I agree with this take. He may agree to take action if you do this. Or not. But your situation is untenable.

Also agree. You've done your best and do not need a third child. It's too unhealthy for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are done, OP, which is sounds about right after all this time. You don't have the energy to force him to go to the doctor so save that energy to contact a divorce lawyer. You will probably be able to have your custody time increased based on his medical/psychiatric needs. I think you know that there is only one option for you left.

+1 You could try legal separation first, to ease into it. but why on earth should you continue like this? It's misery and I agree with a PP it's a terrible example to set for the kids all the way around. With his energy issues, guarantee he won't be able to handle or want the kids 50% of the time anyway. 1-2 days per week of tv and fast food wouldn't be the end of the world.

I agree with this take. He may agree to take action if you do this. Or not. But your situation is untenable.

Op here. How would a legal separation work? We have a nice home that I know DH will never leave. So would I have to leave and get an apartment but keep paying the mortgage? We are already romantically separated but living under the same roof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he is on drugs, and that's why he is avoiding doctor?

+1 this has all the hallmarks of a closeted addict

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he is on drugs, and that's why he is avoiding doctor?

Op here. He’s definitely not on drugs.

Also, yes he’s depressed but that’s only one dimension of this. He’s also got several other health problems that he won’t address (blood pressure, diabetes, etc.).

The blood pressure is likely what's causing the ED. One pill in the morning will fix that. I'd be sure to stock up on life insurance on him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he is on drugs, and that's why he is avoiding doctor?

+1 this has all the hallmarks of a closeted addict

I think so too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are done, OP, which is sounds about right after all this time. You don't have the energy to force him to go to the doctor so save that energy to contact a divorce lawyer. You will probably be able to have your custody time increased based on his medical/psychiatric needs. I think you know that there is only one option for you left.

+1 You could try legal separation first, to ease into it. but why on earth should you continue like this? It's misery and I agree with a PP it's a terrible example to set for the kids all the way around. With his energy issues, guarantee he won't be able to handle or want the kids 50% of the time anyway. 1-2 days per week of tv and fast food wouldn't be the end of the world.

I agree with this take. He may agree to take action if you do this. Or not. But your situation is untenable.

Op here. How would a legal separation work? We have a nice home that I know DH will never leave. So would I have to leave and get an apartment but keep paying the mortgage? We are already romantically separated but living under the same roof.

You need a lawyer. I’m sorry OP. This is a tough one..