Am I out of line for refusing to go on a vacation with my wife?

[Anonymous]

Like so many have said, this is SO completely not a big deal.

Rent an Airbnb or two separate rooms and do your own thing for the morning. You don't have to do everything together! From lunch until bedroom, you two can share the activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like so many have said, this is SO completely not a big deal.

Rent an Airbnb or two separate rooms and do your own thing for the morning. You don't have to do everything together! From lunch until bedroom, you two can share the activities.

How many people can afford to pay for an extra hotel room when they are stretching for a vacation?

[Anonymous]

I cannot fathom that you could not figure out that you could go do things on your own while letting her catch up on sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any trip at all, she watches TV in the hotel room until midnight, then doesn't wake up the next morning until 11:30 AM. The slightest noise, like me using the bathroom at 9AM wakes her up and then she sleeps longer.

So then we have the maid trying to get in and I wind up bringing breakfast back to the room and we eat out of styrofoam with plastic utensils. The vacation day then usually starts at 12:30 or 1:00. I hate it. Everybody else is sightseeing or at the beach early in the morning and I feel like I just wasted a lot of money flying to a place, renting a car, then spending a lot of time in a room. To me, that's not a vacation and it has been like this forever.

That sounds like hell. Who sleeps for 11-12 hours? What a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait... you’re REFUSING to go on vacation with your WIFE because you don’t like that she sleeps in?
Yes, it’s out of line. And adolescent. You’re letting irritation get in the way of rationality. See utterly reasonable and easy suggestions above.

OP: sleeping in is one thing, not expecting a bugle call at 5;30 AM, but 11;30 or 12 noon is wasting half the day. Problem with leaving the room hours earlier is, she's a lite sleeper. Snapping a toothpick would wake her up. So I am held hostage while she sleeps away.

Why do pseudo superior morning people always drop this stupid line. 11:30 or 12:00 is not “half the day.” Half the day is mid afternoon.

Sorry, for a lot of people it's half the day. I'm not even a morning person and I know this.

No, it's not. Sorry, morning people. Vacation is not a 9-5 job with a lunch break. To go by your ridiculous standards, then you miss "half the day" on vacation by going to bed early.

Totally agree! Vacation can be about the night life for some people. Miss that and why bother going at all? Depends on where and how you vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any trip at all, she watches TV in the hotel room until midnight, then doesn't wake up the next morning until 11:30 AM. The slightest noise, like me using the bathroom at 9AM wakes her up and then she sleeps longer.

So then we have the maid trying to get in and I wind up bringing breakfast back to the room and we eat out of styrofoam with plastic utensils. The vacation day then usually starts at 12:30 or 1:00. I hate it. Everybody else is sightseeing or at the beach early in the morning and I feel like I just wasted a lot of money flying to a place, renting a car, then spending a lot of time in a room. To me, that's not a vacation and it has been like this forever.

That sounds like hell. Who sleeps for 11-12 hours? What a waste of time.

Lots of people need more than 8 hours of shut eye; some need less than 8. It isn't a waste of time to give your body what it needs. Are you pretending to be unaware that every body has its own clock and not every human is a clone of every other human?

[Anonymous]

My DH does this. It really bugs me because in effect it’s his strategy to get less childcare time. It’s especially annoying on vacations.

[Anonymous]

While it's unreasonable to expect your partner to get up each day at 6am on vacation and get a head start on a grueling day for days in a row, it is also unreasonable to sleep until 11:30am each day and miss out on entire mornings for the whole trip.

What is your ideal day? What is hers? How can you compromise? It seems like if you are on vacation for 4 days it's not too much to ask each of you to get 2 ideal days and give 2 idea days, assuming your asks aren't insane (like 15 mile hikes, or $700 dinners).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like so many have said, this is SO completely not a big deal.

Rent an Airbnb or two separate rooms and do your own thing for the morning. You don't have to do everything together! From lunch until bedroom, you two can share the activities.

How many people can afford to pay for an extra hotel room when they are stretching for a vacation?

Airbnbs aren't always more expensive especially if they are used to going to high end hotels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Lots of people need more than 8 hours of shut eye; some need less than 8. It isn't a waste of time to give your body what it needs. Are you pretending to be unaware that every body has its own clock and not every human is a clone of every other human?

Please. Twelve hours is ridiculous. At least turn in between 9:00 and 10:00 if you keep a sloth's sleep schedule.

[Anonymous]

Is she open to compromising? If you want to start at 8, and she prefers 12, how about 10? Or you alternate days and take turns setting the schedule? If this fails, I'd consider vacationing with a friend instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are out of line, you sound like a jerk. I am your wife in this scenario. I LOVE to sleep in, I would never want to be forced out of the room on vacation! I echo what the others said - plan trips to places where you can find something to do alone in the mornings - walk around the city, check out a museum, go out for breakfast, swim in the resort pool etc. DH and I love to vacation together, but we don’t need to spend every single moment of the day together. I am a night owl, so sometimes I have a glass of wine at the hotel bar with a book while he goes to bed at 11. And he likes to take naps and I don’t, so there have been plenty of times I occupy myself while he snoozes after lunch.

Or you could compromise - some days she agrees to get up a little earlier to do something you want to do with her, other days you let her sleep as long as she wants.

Get a suite or be quieter in the morning.

The jerk would be the wife who keeps her husband up later than he wants to watch TV on vacation, deal with the maids wanting to enter a hotel room to clean it, and fetch her breakfast.

I do think he should probably do more to pick the vacation spot, make his views clear on when lights should be out in the evening (not everyone can afford a hotel suite or apartment), and find things he's happy doing in the AM if she persists in being a sloth in the morning.

Most couples with different sleeping preferences find a way to strike a balance in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are out of line, you sound like a jerk. I am your wife in this scenario. I LOVE to sleep in, I would never want to be forced out of the room on vacation! I echo what the others said - plan trips to places where you can find something to do alone in the mornings - walk around the city, check out a museum, go out for breakfast, swim in the resort pool etc. DH and I love to vacation together, but we don’t need to spend every single moment of the day together. I am a night owl, so sometimes I have a glass of wine at the hotel bar with a book while he goes to bed at 11. And he likes to take naps and I don’t, so there have been plenty of times I occupy myself while he snoozes after lunch.

Or you could compromise - some days she agrees to get up a little earlier to do something you want to do with her, other days you let her sleep as long as she wants.

Get a suite or be quieter in the morning.

The jerk would be the wife who keeps her husband up later than he wants to watch TV on vacation, deal with the maids wanting to enter a hotel room to clean it, and fetch her breakfast.

I do think he should probably do more to pick the vacation spot, make his views clear on when lights should be out in the evening (not everyone can afford a hotel suite or apartment), and find things he's happy doing in the AM if she persists in being a sloth in the morning.

Most couples with different sleeping preferences find a way to strike a balance in the middle.

They both sound a bit like jerks to me...the wife for keeping the tv on when he is trying to sleep (read a book or watch on the iPad with headphones), and him for being a control freak about mornings (why does he need his wife to hold his hand 24/7?! find something else to do for a few hours)

[Anonymous]

Team dw. I am a night owl and will just lie in bed awake until my usual sleep time, and also sleep best in the am. Not everyone is an early bird and can hit the pillow at 10pm and go to sleep.

It's an issue when we go on vacation, and I just have to take the hit, get up earlier than usual, so staff can clean the room. I'm usually exhausted by the end of vacation from lack of sleep, but the only way around it is to not stay in a hotel or b and b, so you have more control over your schedule.

[Anonymous]

Mostly team wife...society is already geared towards early birds..vacation may be her only time to sleep in.

She can’t complain when he gets up early and does something else though, unless the noise is excessive. And likewise- it is rude to have the tv on if someone is trying to sleep.