Am I out of line for refusing to go on a vacation with my wife?

[Anonymous]

Opposite body clocks in this marriage too. I am up and out early in the AM and rarely am able to sleep past 6:30am even on vacation. We usually get a suite. I get up, have coffee ans a read then usually go out for a walk on my own. We have family time noon until after dinner. After I go to bed, my spouse stays up later watching TV or whatever. Some days we’ll adjust to do something particular. It took some time to let go of the annoyance but we’ve been married for 20 years so we’re in a good groove.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are out of line, you sound like a jerk. I am your wife in this scenario. I LOVE to sleep in, I would never want to be forced out of the room on vacation! I echo what the others said - plan trips to places where you can find something to do alone in the mornings - walk around the city, check out a museum, go out for breakfast, swim in the resort pool etc. DH and I love to vacation together, but we don’t need to spend every single moment of the day together. I am a night owl, so sometimes I have a glass of wine at the hotel bar with a book while he goes to bed at 11. And he likes to take naps and I don’t, so there have been plenty of times I occupy myself while he snoozes after lunch.

Or you could compromise - some days she agrees to get up a little earlier to do something you want to do with her, other days you let her sleep as long as she wants.

Get a suite or be quieter in the morning.

[Anonymous]

I am a night owl who sleeps late on vacation.

If you ca afford it, get a suite.

If not, she should turn off tv when you want to go to bed. Then in the morning, you quietly get dressed (don’t shower) and slip out the door and do your own thing for a couple hours.

Then get lunch and sightsee together in the afternoon.

I don’t expect my husband to sit around doing nothing all morning waiting for me to wake up.

[Anonymous]

If this is only her style on vacation then this is what a vacation is to her. Obviously you crave something different. Why you are you bringing breakfast back to the room, order room service or eat a leisurely brekkie and she can eat lunch/brunch when she gets up and out of the room. Is she angry if you aren't sitting there waiting on her to wake up? If so, then you two need to have a discussion where both of you can have an enjoyable vacation. If not you are choosing to do that and make yourself miserable. Stop doing that.

[Anonymous]

I’d go on my own vacation and she can go on hers. What you are doing now would drive me insane. She sounds like she’d just like to stay home and sleep so it will save you money.

[Anonymous]

Wait... you’re REFUSING to go on vacation with your WIFE because you don’t like that she sleeps in?
Yes, it’s out of line. And adolescent. You’re letting irritation get in the way of rationality. See utterly reasonable and easy suggestions above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her. Make a plan and compromise. Let her pick 3 days to sleep in. The other 3 days she agrees to be up and ready to go out by 9am. On the 3 mornings she sleeps in, you leave and let her sleep. You don’t worry about the maid and get breakfast on your own. She can eat at lunch.

Marriage is all about negotiating. We run things off into the ditch when we don’t talk about things ahead of time. Instead, we blow up.

+1

[Anonymous]

If this is her only style of vacation, that's lame, sorry.

There are a lot of cool destinations that it feels like it wouldn't be worth going to.

I'd hate to have to do stuff on my own bc of this type of inflexibility.

I say this as someone who loves to sleep in too!

[Anonymous]

She sounds just like my DH. We were recently in New Orleans and instead of going out to one of the many fabulous restaurants there, he ordered a sub delivered to the hotel for lunch. Always sleeps in while I want to see the sites.

OP — we should vacation together 🙂

[Anonymous]

What is your alternative? Vacationing without her? Making her get up early to do what you want every day?

My husband loves to sleep late and since we have a baby he rarely gets the opportunity. When we are on vacation I take the baby and go have some one on one time in the morning. Go out for breakfast with a book or a long walk with a podcast if you don’t have kids. Take your kid to the hotel pool for a morning swim and then meet up after. You are making yourself miserable and blaming your wife for your lazy problem solving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are out of line, you sound like a jerk. I am your wife in this scenario. I LOVE to sleep in, I would never want to be forced out of the room on vacation! I echo what the others said - plan trips to places where you can find something to do alone in the mornings - walk around the city, check out a museum, go out for breakfast, swim in the resort pool etc. DH and I love to vacation together, but we don’t need to spend every single moment of the day together. I am a night owl, so sometimes I have a glass of wine at the hotel bar with a book while he goes to bed at 11. And he likes to take naps and I don’t, so there have been plenty of times I occupy myself while he snoozes after lunch.

Or you could compromise - some days she agrees to get up a little earlier to do something you want to do with her, other days you let her sleep as long as she wants.

Get a suite or be quieter in the morning.

+1

My DH and I are the same as you and your DH. I like it actually, and DH does as well. We get both time together, and time alone. It’s great!

We even do the same when traveling with the kids- DH often takes them out for breakfast or to the pool etc while I sleep in and take my time getting ready. Then I take over in the afternoon so he can take a nap or golf or read (or whatever he wants). Works well!

I don’t feel the need to be together 24/7, even on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait... you’re REFUSING to go on vacation with your WIFE because you don’t like that she sleeps in?
Yes, it’s out of line. And adolescent. You’re letting irritation get in the way of rationality. See utterly reasonable and easy suggestions above.

OP: sleeping in is one thing, not expecting a bugle call at 5;30 AM, but 11;30 or 12 noon is wasting half the day. Problem with leaving the room hours earlier is, she's a lite sleeper. Snapping a toothpick would wake her up. So I am held hostage while she sleeps away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait... you’re REFUSING to go on vacation with your WIFE because you don’t like that she sleeps in?
Yes, it’s out of line. And adolescent. You’re letting irritation get in the way of rationality. See utterly reasonable and easy suggestions above.

OP: sleeping in is one thing, not expecting a bugle call at 5;30 AM, but 11;30 or 12 noon is wasting half the day. Problem with leaving the room hours earlier is, she's a lite sleeper. Snapping a toothpick would wake her up. So I am held hostage while she sleeps away.

Oh heck no. Does she get mad at you then? Now that is a problem. She needs to wear earplugs. Or get a larger suite if you can afford. If it’s after, say, 7AM the problem is hers, not yours. She should be able to tolerate the normal sounds of you quietly getting ready.

No way would I be ok with sitting in the room until noon and not making a sound. (And I posted that my DH is a morning person and I am not- I fall back asleep after he leaves and/or am happy to just lounge)

[Anonymous]

Will she get up if you have something planned? Like a tour, or somewhere you need to be, before it gets crowded?

I’m similar to your wife- if we are just hanging out a resort then I will sleep in and join DH when I’m ready. But I’m up early some days if we have plans or somewhere to be!

Maybe plan some activities mid morning so she has to get up early a few days? Then have a few days with nothing scheduled in the morning. Compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait... you’re REFUSING to go on vacation with your WIFE because you don’t like that she sleeps in?
Yes, it’s out of line. And adolescent. You’re letting irritation get in the way of rationality. See utterly reasonable and easy suggestions above.

OP: sleeping in is one thing, not expecting a bugle call at 5;30 AM, but 11;30 or 12 noon is wasting half the day. Problem with leaving the room hours earlier is, she's a lite sleeper. Snapping a toothpick would wake her up. So I am held hostage while she sleeps away.

Cmon. What’s the rest if your life like? Why is this only a vacation problem? Somethings not ringing true here